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WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



WHEN I WAS 
A CHILD 



BY 

YOSHIO MARKING 

AUTHOR OF "a JAPANESE ARTIST IN LONDON' 
AND "my IDEALED JOHN BULLESSES " 



ILLUSTRATED 




BOSTON AND NEW YORK 
HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY 

1912 



4' 



r.^ 



i^L-} 



'} 



PREFACE 

" When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, 
I thought as a child. . . ." — i Corinthians xiii. iith verse. 

CO it was in my case too. It is not a very easy 
task for me to recollect more than a quarter- 
century backwards. However, it is my sincere 
wish not to write anything incorrect. First o£ all, 
I do not want to deceive all the readers. Secondly, 
my idea is this — The record of one's own life is 
just like the sketch of a view. If the artist makes 
most faithful measuring on the architecture, you 
can set the perspective on it and disperse it into 
the plain architecture drawing, and you may be 
able to build the same architectures from the 
sketch. But if the artist's measuring is not accurate, 
you cannot do so. With the human life, if one 
writes out all his life faithfully, it may be a good 
material for the psychological professor to solve 
many theories from it. On the other hand, if he 
lies in his writing, it would be absolutely no use for 
the psychological study. 

It has been my ambition with this book to give 
ample materials for your psychological study. 

A 2 V 



vi WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Therefore I have written everything with sheer 
truthfulness, notwithstanding I often felt quite 
bashful to confess many things what I had done or 
I had thought. 

Now let me tell you how I have recollected my 
past life. I kept myself quite alone in my room, 
and shut my eyes and asked my brain about my 
past. First I saw all surrounding views in my 
imagination, then I began to make my mental 
pictures of my family, relatives, and friends. 
Then I began to hear their voices exactly as they 
used to talk to me, and I heard my voice plainly — 
that of my childish days. I tried to put down on 
the paper all my childish feelings as they were 
on each occasion. As St. Paul said, when 1 was 
a child my words and my thoughts were childish, 
and now my memory of my childish words and 
thoughts are thickly enveloped into my grown-up 
thoughts. It is very difficult for me to make 
my childish thoughts entirely divorced from those 
of my present life. 

It is the human nature that one does not like 
to say what he feels to be so ignorant. So with 
me. To-day I have attained much more know- 
ledge than when I was a child, and I do not like 
to write as I really was. But it is not fair to mix 
up my present ideas in the story of my childhood. 
I am glad to say I have got courage enough to shake 



PREFACE vii 



off all my pretension, therefore what I have written 
here is exactly what I have done or felt at each 
time. 

Another difficulty delayed my mind. When 
I was a child I had rather good memory, and if 
my memory was absent there was only a dark 
blank in my brain. To-day it is different with 
my brain. Since I am grown I began to have 
such a great imagination. (I think I have got 
much imagination since I have become an artist. 
For artists are obliged to make pictures entirely 
from their imagination, especially to illustrate 
some fictions, etc.) 

Therefore if I recollect my past life, I don't 
see any dark blank. It is all because my imaginations 
fill up the places where my memory is lost. This 
is most dangerous thing, and I have been very 
careful about it. It was almost one year and half 
ago since I started to write this book. During all 
this time I have had constant communications 
with my brother and many other relatives and 
friends in Japan. They have been always confirm- 
ing my writing. Especially my brother has been 
helping me by sending from time to time many 
snapshots around my village, which helped my 
memory very much indeed. 



CONTENTS 



CHAFTER 

I. My Early Life at Home 

II. My Study on the Japanese and Chinese 
Classics . . . . 

III. My Child Friends . 

IV. My Mother and I . 
V. My Father and I . 

VI. I Become an Adopted Son . 

VII. I AM Baptized . 

VIII. My Life in the Missionary School 

IX. My Study of the Bible 

X. Some Missionaries — Good and Bad . 

XI. My Hard Life for the Study 

XII. Further Experience in a Missionary 
School . . . . 

XIII. I WAS THE Lover of Nature 

XIV. The Earthquake 

ix 



28 

35 

40 

52 
66 
76 
84 

91 

104 

113 

122 

134 
141 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



CHAPTER PAGE 

XV. Stepping on the Highroad to Ambition. 157 

XVI. KODAN ON THE SwORD-MAKER . . 170 

XVII. For America at Last. . . -194 

XVIII. My Experiences in San Francisco . . 206 

XIX. Ethic and Religion . . . . 231 

XX. Science and Human Sense . . . 249 



LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 

HALF-TONES 



FACING PAGE 



KoROMO Village 4 

The Lantern Festival 8 

My Little Bedroom 31 

Fishing on the River Yahagi • • • • 35 

My Brother and I met with the Doctor . . 44 
A little Streamlet in Higashi Kamo . . .114 
Reading "Evangeline" at Yagoto . . .137 

The Farmers' Cottages seen from the Train . 164 
My First Promenade after Convalescence . . 199 

The Back of Yokohama Bay 204 

The Sacred Temples of Ise 244 



LINE DRAWINGS 

The House in which I was Born . 

My Brother and I at Ron Chi-ga-Hara 

Poetry-cards Game 

I USED to Sit Down all Day and Read 

The Lotus Plants 

The Gardens were Ruined by Wild Weeds 



ON PAGE 

2 

30 
32 

53 

59 
60 



xii WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

ON PAGE 

I MET WITH SUCH A STRONG TeMPEST . . .7© 

My First Meeting with an American Missionary 74 

The House where I was Baptized ... 80 

At Atsuta Bay 87 

The School Ground 123 

My Father and I at the Ruins of our old Castle 129 

The Mount Hachiman 131 

My Narrow Escape from the Earthquake . .144 

The Kodan 171 

A Fortune-teller and I 200 

A Negro Swore at Me 207 

I as a Cook 223 



IFHEN I WAS A CHILD 

CHAPTER I 

MY EARLY LIFE AT HOME 

1\^Y own home village in Japan is Koromo. 
'*■ It is such a small mountainous village in 
Mikawa, and although the view is beautiful, no 
pilgrims ever stop their feet at Koromo. Japan 
is so rich with charming landscapes, and my home 
village is not counted by the nation. However, 
if it were in England or America it would gain 
a great name by its beauty. I myself am very 
proud of it, especially because it is my own home. 
Koromo is situated on the north-west part of 
Mikawa County. Mikawa means " three rivers " ; 
hence the district has three rivers. One of the 
rivers, Yahagi, is running round a valley. Its 
curve is just like a bow, and my home village 
is outside of the bow. On the north, some ten 
miles away, the Mount Sanage spreads its skirt, 
and the very edge comes right to the village. 
On the east, beyond the river Yahagi, many moun- 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



tains near and far are making a well-designed 
screen. On the south and west the slopes go down 
to the sea, some twenty miles off. 

I was born on the Christmas Day of 1874. 
My boy name was Heiji. I have one sister and 
brother. They are thirteen years and nine years 







THE HOUSE IN WHICH I WAS BORN 

older than myself. My father was wandering 
all over the country during the Civil War, and I 
was born just when Japan opened the country and 
was restored to peace. 

It is general rule in Japan that youngest child 
is spoilt by the parents, and I was not an exception 
from this. Of course my sister and brother loved 
me so much too. But as soon as I was grown up 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 3 

enough I realized my position ; I began to respect 
my sister and brother, and try to be as nice as 
possible to them. Surely that gave some sweet 
euphony in my family, and we were the specimen 
for the children in our village. Indeed, I often 
overheard some parents telling their quarrelsome 
children, " Be as nice as Mr. Markino's children." 
I myself don't remember about my babyhood, but 
I cannot forget what my mother and nurse used 
to tell me later on : that one day, when I began to 
crawl about, I went over a fly-paper, and my hands 
and face all together stuck to the paper. It was so 
seriously dangerous as I could not breathe. A 
doctor was sent for to rescue me, and all my hair 
was cut and shaved. 

Since I was four I remember many incidents 
so vividly even now. For instance, my nurse 
used to teach me how to make paper animals. 
I learnt several lessons in a week, and also I used 
to draw some flowers and birds. All my families 
were very proud of me. 

I think my parents were so careful about my 
home education. Whenever I was naughty they 
never smacked me, but they always brought a 
looking-glass in front of my crying face. I hated 
to see my own face so ugly with the tear-marks, 
and I immediately began to laugh. Very often 
when_I wanted to cry a little longer I used to 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



scream, " Oh, don't show me the glass for a few 
moments ! " 

I was never scolded severely. They always 
told me, " You are a very nice boy, but just at 
this moment some evil is trying to dwell in you. 
How pity the evil is making you a bad boy and 
giving some trouble to your dear parents ! " 
And I began to feel so sorry for them, and I used 
to cling to their necks and say, " The evil is gone 
long time ago. I am your favourite boy." 

When I was a child I was more like a girl. The 
servant of the village grammar school had a quarrel 
with his wife. One said I was a boy and the other 
said a girl. They asked my nurse which was 
right. 

I entered into the grammar school when I 
was five years and seven months old. Some months 
before that I began studying to write and read 
the Japanese alphabet. I was so anxious to attend 
to the school. My father wanted me to wait 
until I became six, but my patience was broken, 
and I was so spoilt. My brother took me to school 
with him. He was a quite advanced student then. 
I went into his classroom. There I was spoilt 
again by all his friends and even by all teachers. 
But the time for lessons had come, and I was taken 
to my own classroom. There I began to feel 
miserable immediately. All my classmates were 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 5 

too young to spoil me, and I did not like to be 
under school rules. 

It was only a few days before I entered into 
the school I saw a famous Japanese play, Sendai 
Hagi, played by some amateurs in the village. 
There was a little Samurai boy who said, " When 
one is born as a Samurai he must not say ' hungry,' 
even when he starves to death." This boy was 
supposed to be about same age with me, so that 
impressed into my little heart very deeply. 

Now, being in the school for a day, I repented 
that I entered into it, but, recollecting that Samurai 
boy at the play, I never uttered a single complaint. 
My family, nurses, and neighbours asked me if I 
liked the school. I concealed my tears and said 
yes. This was the very first lesson of bushido in my 
life. 

It was my greatest comfort to confess to my 
mother before bed everything (good and bad all) 
what I had done during the day. Without this 
confession I could not sleep even if I was dead 
tired. I often stained the school desks and walls 
with ink, or sometimes I made my classmates 
cry. When I confessed these things to my mother, 
she used to take me to the school next day, and 
she sincerely apologized to the teachers and school- 
boys. 

My father treated me even tenderer than my 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



mother. This is the greatest difference from 
EngHsh or American families. But it is true. 
It was several years after the feudal system had 
died out, and Japan had already begun to be 
democratic, and perhaps my father was one of 
the most democratic Samurai. Nevertheless his 
inner heart was a purest chivalry. I think his 
idea was not to make Samurais into labourers, but 
surely he expected all labourers to become Samurais. 

He always said, " Children ought not to know 
too much about the money matters." So, when 
I wanted some books, papers, etc., I used to go 
to shops with his servants. I picked up all what 
I wanted in the shops, and after I left the shops 
the servants used to pay. In that way I did not 
know the values of anything until I became fifteen 
or sixteen. 

If I dropped coins or anything on the ground I 
never tried to pick them up, because my father 
told me only the beggars would act such shameful 
manners. 

In my village, which is so far away from Tokio, 
Kioto, or any large town, the villagers used to be 
very superstitious, and there were many dreadful 
traditions about ghosts and foxes. I was so 
frightened of ghosts and foxes. My parents de- 
manded my nurse not to tell me any ghost stories, 
but she often told me many ghost or fox stories. 



MT EARLT LIFE AT HOME j 

and these stories went into my childish brain so 
deeply. When I was taken near by some grave- 
ground in night, I always so tightly stuck to the 
other people's hands, and if I heard foxes' voice 
I used to run home as quick as possible, and I 
hated those Buddhist temples, because they all 
have grave-grounds. 

The view of those temples from distance in 
nights was such a melancholy thing to me, and 
even the tolling of the temple bells in the evening 
filled me with dread. I did hate death, and I 
was so extremely sad for those who died. Now 
I always envy those Christian children. They 
are taught to have faith in the future life, and 
if their relatives die they believe the deceased 
are happy in heaven. To me it was contrary. 
When I was a child I used to imagine that if we 
die we have to go through a long, dark passage 
quite alone. I am sure that imaginative fear 
injured my poor little childish brain a great deal. 

My sister married when I was six years old ; 
but she used to live in my home for more than 
half of the time, and looked after me, as my mother 
was so weak. The next year she had a baby, who 
died after a few weeks. That was a great shock to 
me. I used to hide myself in a bamboo bush and 
cry. 

In the grammar school my first lesson was a 



8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Primer Reader. It had some phrases like these : 
*' The virtue of suppleness is to be bent without 
being broken " ; and " The virtue of strength is 
to stand straight against any blow." Fancy ! 
such was the lesson for five or six year old children ! 
Of course, none of them could understand that. 
Only they tried to recite to pass the examination. 
But I was such a curio-comic child and I wanted 
to know the real meaning. I asked my father. 
He tried to explain it by many means every day. 
I think I caught the real idea at last. Indeed, ever 
since, it has been the foundation-stone of my 
moral. If the school children had a quarrel, I 
always took the part of the weak. I felt it was 
my duty to wipe the tears of the victim and strike 
the winner. This was much encouraged by my 
father. And I always loved the tenderness and 
dreaded savage roughness. 

We have a lantern fete called Tenno Matsuri 
(July loth every year). When I was five my mother 
and father bought me several beautiful lanterns, 
and lit them, and tied them on a bamboo tree, for 
that festival evening. I was so delighted, and 
carried them to a temple ground with all my 
family. Some rough boys came and struck my 
lanterns with sticks and tore them into pieces. 
I was not allowed to cry, so came home quite silent ; 
then I cried so bitterly in my room. I remember 




THK LANTERN FESTIVAL 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 9 

my parents were talking about that subject. My 
father said to my mother, " Such is this savage 
world. If we bring up our child quite tenderly, 
he will suffer a great deal sooner or later, because 
he must meet with the rough world in his life. 
We have an old proverb, ' When lions get babies, 
they always throw their babies into a steep valley, 
and they bring up only those babies which climb 
up the cliff themselves ! ' Perhaps we should better 
to be lions." 

Whereupon my mother begged him to ignore 
that proverb and make their child's life quite 
gentle as long as they could protect him from 
the wild world. I knew they were talking all 
this, thinking I was too young to understand 
them. But in fact I remember every word of 
them, even now. Only I could not understand 
if the world was really so savage. After some 
twenty-five years, when I was in a hard time, 
I recollected that once again as a fresh word. 

I don't know exactly from when I began to 
be fond of cats, but, so far as I remember, I loved 
cats from very early time. I used to take a cat 
into bed to sleep together, and I could not live 
without it. So if the cat was lost while I was in 
the school or anywhere away from home, it was 
a great job for the servants to find out another 
before I came home. Otherwise I would be 



10 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

so miserable. Even now I do love cats so much. 
The other day a psychological professor told me 
I must have some special magnetism for cats, 
for, however unhappy I am, if I touch my hand 
to cat I immediately feel so comfortable and 
happy. 

Another vivid recollection when I was five or six 
is about my toys. My parents absolutely spoilt me 
by giving me innumerous extravagant toys, which 
no other children in my village ever had. I used 
to arrange all of them on the verandah every day. 
I had such elegant " castles," " palaces " — with 
every sort of furniture in — many beautiful dolls 
clad in gorgeous silk kimonos, etc. etc. But when 
I was asked which toy I loved most, I always 
pointed to a tiny old " bird." Its bill was broken 
and its painted wings were faded away. All people 
asked me " Why ? " I could not give them my 
answer. For I was too young to analyse my heart 
psychologically, or at least to put my feelings into 
words, though there was the very feeling in my 
heart which has been unchangeable and immovable 
until this time, and so it will be for all my life. 
Shall I answer this question now ? (Lo ! after 
long thirty years !) Well, because that poor " bird " 
looked extremely pathetic I To-day I have naught 
to fear, even if this whole world turns into my 
enemy. But I have absolutely no controlling 



MT EARLT LIFE AT HOME ii 

power over anything pathetic. And this feeling 
has had its bud when I was quite a child, and people 
used to say I had no common sense because I 
often did most extraordinary things with my un- 
controllable emotion. It was one of the days at 
this time that I dreamed a very singular thing. 
It was Koshin-Sama Day (a fete day of Koshin- 
Sama, whose temple was outside of our village.) 
I wanted to go to that fete and to spend two sens 
(halfpenny) for my new toy. But in my dream 
my family was so poor and we were dwelling in 
one of those smallest huts in the village. I asked 
my mother two sens. She said she had no money. 
I sprawled myself over a small straw mat and 
cried whole morning. My mother looked so sorry 
for me. I never forget her very pathetic expression 
in my dream. 

I got up in the morning, but I was still thinking 
about my dream. She asked me why I looked 
so serious. I confessed her how naughty I was to 
her in my dream, and I apologized her to be such 
a great burden to her, even though it was only a 
dream. And I said to her then, " What a good 
thing that it was only my dream, but there might 
be many families to whom such an incident is 
only too real." Whereupon my mother said in 
tears, " Well said, Heiji, you go and help those 
poor children " ; and she gave me many coppers. 



12 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I was so happy to distribute all these coppers to 
those poor children in our village. 

My father was so generous to the villagers. 
They often had a flood from the river Yahagi, 
and he used to rescue all poor people. This was 
very well during the feudal system, when he 
had a revenue, but after the great change of New 
Japan he still continued in the same way and soon 
became quite poor. 

But evidently he had most honourable life. 
I being his favourite child, all those flattering 
villagers called me ** our honourable little Master 
Heiji," and entirely spoilt me. Whatever I wanted 
to do it was done so. That was the reason why I 
lost my common sense. 

Once I overheard my mother complaining that 
those servants, gardeners, and other workmen 
were spending too much matches for their smoking, 
and that the matches were always too short. It 
just happened that a fete day came, and fifty sens 
were given to me to spend. I said to myself, '^ Very 
well, then. I shall spend this money most useful 
way." I bought matches for fifty sens' worth, 
and let the shopman carry a large bundle of match- 
boxes to my home. Matches were very cheap in 
Japan ; I think there were several hundred boxes 
for fifty sens. 

Everybody was so amazed. My mother said. 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 13 

" I wish the shopman had a little sense and did 
not sell so many matches to a child." Some neigh- 
bours whispered, " Hark, what the mother said. 
She blames the shopman and forgets her own child 
has no sense ! " 

At the grammar school I used to believe all 
what I was taught. But very often I made an 
awful misunderstanding. For instance, our Reader 
said, " The human nature is just like the water. 
If you put the water into a square vessel the water 
will become square ; and if you put it into a round 
vessel it will have a round shape. Boys and girls, 
therefore, you must choose your friends." 

No sooner than the school hour was over, I 
ran to my neighbour who had a newly born baby. 
I told the mother, " Don't put your baby on a 
hard, flat bed ; her figure will become flat." 

After that I was the central figure in the village 
to be laughed at. 

However, sometimes my sense was right enough 
to receive lessons which are so valuable even now. 
Let me write down a few. 

" Once upon a time there was a mother lark 
who had some baby larks in her nest. The nest 
was built in an oats field. It was the harvest-time, 
but the baby larks were not grown up enough to fly. 
While the mother lark was gone for the day's work 
to search for food, the farmer came with his son 



14 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

and said, ' Lo, the oats are ready to be reaped ; I 
must ask my neighbours to help us to gather them 
in to-morrow.' 

" When the mother lark came back, the baby larks 
told her all what the farmer had said. The mother 
lark said, ' Nay, do not worry ; the farmer shall 
never be able to reap the oats.' 

'' The next day the farmer came with his son 
again and said, ' Our neighbours were too busy to 
help us, so to-morrow I shall ask my relative to 
help us.' The baby larks told this to their mother. 
The mother lark laughed and said, ' The foolish 
farmer is still relying upon other peoples, so we 
need not be afraid,' and she went off for her day's 
work again. 

" The next day the baby birds told their mother 
that this time the farmer said nobody would help 
him, therefore to-morrow he himself would reap 
the oats with his son. 

" The mother lark said, ' Now the time has come 
for us to fly off. If one decides to do things him- 
self, he will do so without failure." 

In my babyish mind this story impressed me so 
much. 

At that time I often had a long walk with my 
brother. We both got so tired. My brother 
would sit down on the grass and say, " Oh, if only 
a riksha would come ! " I said, " No, no. Don't 



MT EARLT LIFE AI HOME 15 

rely upon the other. Let us persevere our poor 
weary feet and walk. Even if we step one step 
each time we are one step nearer to our home 
each time, and sooner or later we shall enjoy our 
bed." To confess the truth, I am no cleverer 
than any ordinary person. Only this valuable lesson 
carried me all through for last thirty years. I am 
not at all to the goal yet, but I am intending to be 
truthful to this lesson for all my life. 

Another page of the Reader said, " Even tigers 
leave their beautiful skin after their death." This 
impressed my little brain so much too. I thought, 
" If I live only for eating and sleeping, I am not 
worth as much as those beasts ; I must show the 
world I am more superior than tigers." This was 
the very beginning of my ambition. Here in this 
short space I regret I could not quote all chapters 
of my Reader, which encouraged my ambition so 
much. 

I was such an untidy boy and I used to treat 
my books very badly. One book could not last 
for six months' term. My father always bought 
me the same book twice or three times. One 
day my school-teacher, seeing my book in such 
a bad condition, said to me I ought to be more 
careful for my books, otherwise he would punish 
me. My father heard it, and he was very cross 
with the teacher. He said to him, " Book is only 



i6 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

to read and understand the meaning of its contents. 
If one can take every word into his heart, what does 
it matter to tear the books into pieces ? Look at 
most of those children ! They keep their books 
very neat indeed, but they only recite the books for 
the purpose of their examination. My child is 
quite different. He practises every word for his 
daily life. I hope you v,^ill leave him alone, for I 
am quite willing to buy a hundred books for him." 

The teacher was much ashamed and came to 
me to apologize. Fancy, a thirty-years-old teacher 
was to apologize before a seven-year-old boy ! I 
was so sorry for him, and I tried to be as humble as 
possible to him. 

I was such a spoilt child. It is a general rule 
that most children have rather trying time by 
oppressive treatment of the grown-up persons. 
But in my case it was entirely the other way round. 
And consequently my daily worryings were on the 
other way. Even when I was so little, I always 
tried not to become the centre of jealousy and 
enviousness. When I was about eight years old 
it happened that the Mikado had an " honourable 
go-round," and passed Okazaki, the principal town 
of our district, and about ten miles from my 
village. 

The Government selected about twenty children 
from all the schools in the district, and I was one 



MT EARLT LIFE AT HOME 17 

of them. I had to recite a page of the Japanese 
history. I still remember so well the part which 
I recited. It was my most favourite part, so let me 
translate it here : 

(Some eighteen hundred years ago) " a cruel 
Emperor called Yuryaku killed almost all the 
royal family. Only two orphan baby princes 
escaped their death, and were hid in a farmer's 
cottage in a far-away country. Some seven years 
passed, and that loyal subject who stole away 
the baby princes died. So nobody but the princes 
themselves knew they were the members of the 
royal family. One evening the Mayor visited 
that cottage, and the owner of the cottage demanded 
the young princes to wait on his ' most honourable 
guest.' 

" All the people in the drawing-room were 
so gay after sake. The two princes, Oke and 
Woke, alone were left in the kitchen. The elder 
prince, Oke, broke the silence first : ' How long 
should we pass such a humble life ? ' They em- 
braced each other and wept for a long while. 
Finally the younger prince replied, ' That is just 
what I was thinking now. Let us announce that we 
are the princes. If the Emperor Yuryaku is cruel 
enough to assassinate us, let him do so. I would 
rather die as a prince than live as a farmer's serA^ant. 
So they both ventured into the drawing-room, 
c 



1 8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

and had a dance, and by their own dance and song 
they expressed their personaHties. The Mayor, the 
farmer, and all the others were so surprised, and 
they bowed down quite flat on the floor and paid 
their utmost respectness. But they were so fright- 
ened of the cruel Emperor. They came to the 
conclusion that one of them should go to the 
capital and find out everything. Just that time 
the cruel Emperor died, and the Government 
was searching if there was a royal person who could 
inherit the crown," etc. etc. 

I recited with my full sympathy. In a big 
hall, all the ministers and officers were dead silent. 
I won the book prize then. That day was the 
greatest fete day of my village temple. 

When I came back from Okazaki to my home, 
I found out a picture-book on my desk. I thought 
a servant bought it for me. So I threw that book 
into the garden, and I said, " I am a child no more ; 
I don't want such a babyish book now ! " 

My mother came to me and said, " Well said, 
my dear Heiji. You are quite right, and I was 
wrong. You see, I am always thinking of you as 
my dear little baby. Yesterday was the first time 
I missed you on our fete day. I went to the temple 
without you, and I was so lonely. I was thinking 
about you all the time, and when I saw that book 
in a shop, I thought you might like to have it, so I 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 19 

bought it for you. But you are quite right. You 
don't need such a book, do you ? " 

Oh, how rude and how savage I had been to 
my most worshipful mother ! I was almost broken 
down. I have never felt myself so guilty as this. 
I picked up the book most carefully and pressed it 
to my breast, and I sobbed all day. 

I always say nothing could be more pleasant 
than to sacrifice own self for one whom we love 
most. When I was quite a child I liked to spin 
the tops, fly the kites, and all those games more 
than other children. But just when I was going 
out to play, I was often called back by my mother 
to do something for her. How happy and sweet 
I felt to give up my own pleasure for the sake of 
my most beloved mother ! I felt something so 
noble in my heart. But I was not always quite 
safe from some temptation. I was not allowed 
to go out on the midday of the summer. But some 
farmers' children often persuaded me to go for 
fishing. Then I used to imitate as if I was sleeping, 
and when my mother or nurse really began to sleep 
I escaped from the house and joined to those 
farmer boys. However, not a single time I kept 
it secret, but always confessed that to my mother. 
She never got angry, only she begged me not to 
do that, for she feared that her beloved child might 
get sunstroke some day. 



20 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I was so fond of gardening ever since I was 
five or six years old. In a large garden at my 
home I had a special ground for my own flowers. 
I was so proud that all my flowers were growing 
so well. Once, while I was cultivating my ground 
with my little rake, my mother called me, and I 
was so excited and ran up to her immediately ; 
then I fell down at her foot, and the rake stuck 
into my cheek. It went through into my 
mouth. 

All my family was so sad for me. As I was 
taught not to cry for anything like that, I tried 
to be silent, but my big tears flowed down my 
cheeks. 

Then my father was so proud of me, and called 
me a real Samurai. Even now I have three marks 
on my right cheek, and whenever I look into the 
glass I recollect that accident quite vividly. 

My brother had his garden too. Here I have 
most regretful story to tell the readers. Once 
he and I had a walk in some oat field. Just for 
fun I pulled off several oats. My brother was 
so indignant to give damage to that poor farmer, 
and forced me to apologize to the farmer. He 
said, " You may pull off all my flowers, if 
you like, but not oats which belong to a poor 
farmer." 

I was in a temper, and said, " My father would 



MT EARLT LIFE AT HOME 21 

be willing to pay him the damage I have done. 
Why have you insulted me like that ? " And 
I ran up to his garden and pulled off all his 
flowers. 

My brother sighed and said, " It cannot be 
helped, for I said you could do so ; but, Heiji, why 
are you so naughty to-day ? " 

My parents said nothing to me, only said to 
my brother, " You are nine years older than 
Heiji ; you ought to govern your young brother. 
Let us see that." 

No sooner than I saw my brother's face quite 
gentle I felt so sad and cried. Whole of the season 
my poor brother had no flowers. I asked my 
brother to take all my flowers, but he would not. 
I could not dare to go to the garden until the next 
season came. 

My nature when child was extremely girlish. 
Boy friends were rather too rough for me. For 
instance, if those boys flied kites, they always 
had a knife on the string and tried to cut the 
other's string to break the kite. Girls were so 
gentle, and they only enjoyed themselves to watch 
the kites fly. They suited my taste better. So 
I always played with the sisters of my boy friends. 
As long as those girls were accompanied by their 
brothers my father did not object ; but once I 
was playing with only three or four girls without 



22 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

one single boy. My father told me I should 
not play with girls only. I was quite sad. Now 
I see I was quite English style from my child- 
hood. 

But sometimes I was quite masculine. When 
I was eight or nine years old there was a rumour 
in my village that some monster was living in 
a little lake called Kami Shoji. That monster 
was groaning every minute — I think it was some 
strange water-fowl. I stole out one of my father's 
swords, and was going to that lake, saying I would 
kill that monster. 

All the village children shouted out, " Here 
is the brave little Master Heiji ! " and I felt as 
if I was a great hero. But my brother soon found 
me out, and called me back to home, and told me 
not to be so foolishly persuaded by those wild 
children. 

I was so spoilt, and I myself thought I was 
the bravest boy. But, in fact, I was a very timid 
one, and I was easily frightened by little things. 
That is what the Japanese call " Benkei in the 
shade " (Benkei was the bravest warrior). One 
day I intended to visit my boy friend, Sentaro 
Okumura, in a neighbouring village. On the way 
I saw a big brown dog was sitting on the road and 
watching me coming. I was afraid of him. I 
walked so quietly and timidly along to the dog, 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 23 

and no sooner than I passed the dog I ran away as 
quick as possible. When I looked back I saw the 
dog was chasing after me. I really thought I 
was going to be eaten by that dog. So I shouted, 
" Take away that wild animal from me ! " Some- 
body came and got hold of the dog. It was a 
daughter of Takezo (my father's servant). I was 
very pleased with her kindness, and when I went 
home I told that to my father. He said he would 
give a pair of tabi (Japanese stockings) to her. 
I told my father that could not be enough for 
her ; we must give her a suit of dresses. And my 
father did so ! 

I quite remember one summer, when I was 
nine years old, I was attacked by a severe malaria 
fever, and I was quite flat in the bed. My brother 
used to come to my bed to please me with all 
he could. One day he brought me a thick volume 
of the Universal Geography which he had just 
bought to study. I was ever so interested with 
all these illustrations of different foreign customs 
and views. Then I saw the map. I found out 
my worshipful country was only such a small 
island. I was so surprised. I decided to visit all 
over the world some day in my life. Of course 
it was only a childish idea at the time, but I have 
never been away from this idea. As I was growing 
up, my idea has grown up too, and to-day I have 



H 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



really brought out that idea. About this I shall 
write more later on. 

I began my lessons on tea ceremony and flower 
arrangement when I was seven. One day my 
father took me with him to his friend, Dr. Takejima, 
the most flourishing physician in my village. He 
was quite rich, and he had such a nice villa. We 
all had cha no ye (a formal tea ceremony). He praised 
me very much because I had performed the cere- 
mony in quite right way. He gave me some nice 
paper, on which I wrote my own poetry. He 
was more amazed. They had some discussion on 
the ancient Chinese philosophy. I gave several 
answers which he took into his heart quite deeply. 
He called me '' friend," and asked me to come to 
see him again. I was very pleased and quite proud 
to have such grown-up person as a friend. Next 
day I told to all my schoolmates that I was a friend 
of Dr. Takejima. 

After a few days I went to his door, and a maid 
came out and asked me, '* Do you want doctor ? " 
I said, " Yes." She said, " Is anybody in your 
family ill ? " 

I was so indignant, and said quite severely, 
** No ; nobody is ill. I have come to see my dear 
friend Dr. Takejima to have a chat." She could 
not believe me. Fancy ! Doctor was about thirty 
years and I was eight or nine. The maid rather 



MT EARLT LIFE AT HOME 25 

hesitated. So I shouted, " Go to your master and 
say his friend Mr. Markino wants to see him." 

Doctor came out and said, " Oh, my dear young 
Mr. Markino, will you come into my tea-room ? " 

I was quite contented, and spent couple hours 
with him. But before I wanted to leave my 
brother came and found me out there, to his 
surprise, and he apologized to the doctor and 
took me away home. It was such a great dis- 
appointment to me. 

Next day some elder schoolmates who knew 
the incident asked me, " Are you still a dear friend 
of doctor ? " I was so sad, and cried. My mother 
soothed me, saying, " You need not feel sorry at 
all about that. It's only about the different ages 
that you could not be the doctor's friend. By 
the time you reach to his age you shall have far 
wiser and nobler friends." Strange to say, my 
mother's prophecy has come true. Indeed, now 
I have '' far wiser and nobler friends " in London. 
How happy I would be if my mother was still 
alive to see all my worshipful friends ! When I 
think of it, it gives my heart much pain. 

At this time my father was invited to a daimyo 
of Terabe, about three miles from my home, 
to lecture the ancient Chinese classics, and he used 
to come home on every Saturday afternoon. I 
was counting all the weekdays until the Saturdays 



26 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

came. Soon after the luncheon on Saturday I 
used to meet him on his way back. That daimyo's 
village was on the other side of the river Yahagi. 
So I had to run along the very sandy bank. I 
could not run fast enough on the sand with my 
getas (Japanese wooden shoes), so I always carried 
my getas in my hand and ran quite barefoot. 
One winter Saturday I ran to the ferry of Yahagi ; 
but my father was not yet there. I had no patience 
to wait on this side. I wanted to cross the river, 
but had no money to pay to the boatman. The 
water seemed quite shallow — not above my waist. 
So I decided to ford the river. I took off my 
kimono and carried it on my head, and jumped 
into the water. It was quite ice-cold. I thought 
my feet were cut off. While I was struggling amid 
the river, one of my father's pupils appeared on 
the bank of the other side. He was so astonished 
with my pluck, and shouted, " My dear honourable 
little master ! Whatever are you doing there ? " 
I said I wanted to meet my father as soon as possible. 
He was kind enough to order the boatman to pick 
me up. 

When the boatman took me ashore, he was 
so angry with the boatman, and reproached him 
because he had done nothing but watch the helpless 
" little master " crossing the river, especially on 
such a cold day. While they v/ere in such a trouble, 



MT EARLY LIFE AT HOME 27 

my father came at last. I was so happy. My 
father begged his pupil not to be too hard on the 
boatman, because my father thought it was his 
own fault that he had not given me the money for 
the public ferry. 



CHAPTER II 

MY STUDY ON THE JAPANESE AND 
CHINESE CLASSICS 

TXT'HEN I was a child I was never spanked. 
Both my mother and father beHeved 
Confucius so faithfully. Confucius said, '' You can 
teach and lead any human being who has a soul. 
Only those wild beasts you may beat." They 
begged my nurses not to spank me. They always 
said to them, " Our child has a brain to understand 
the reason ; so, if he is naughty, pray explain reason 
until he becomes good, but never spank him." 

One day I went to see my boy friend in a farmer's 
house. He was rather naughty ; then his mother 
shouted, " I shall slap your head ! " In the vulgar 
Japanese language haru is '' to slap." But the word 
haru has another meaning — " to paste paper." I 
thought that farmer mother was going to paste a 
paper on my friend's head. When I went home I 
said to my mother, " What a funny woman she 
was, to paste a paper on her son's head ! " 

My mother laughed heartily, but never explained 
me the real meaning. 

28 



JAPANESE AND CHINESE CLASSICS 29 

Another funny incident was through my entire 
ignorance about the business matter. As I said 
before, whatever I wanted to buy, I was never told 
about the money matter. One day my cousin came. 
He showed me a nice brush. He told me he must 
be very careful about it, because it was very high. 
(By that he meant very expensive.) I laughed and 
said, "You cannot call your brush ' high'! The only 
'high' things are mountains, or heaven, or anything 
like that. You ought to say your brush is very long ! " 

Then all the auditors began to burst into laughter. 

As my daily lessons at the school were too 
easy for me, my father began to give me some 
extra lessons. Thus I started all ancient Chinese 
and Japanese classics and histories ever since I was 
between eight or nine. I began to learn the 
doctrine of Confucius, Mencius, and others in my 
early age. Those books are written poetically and in 
most pleasant euphonies, so they were quite easy to 
recite. Indeed, I could not thoroughly understand 
several parts, but even now I can remember almost 
every word distinctly. And the older I grow the more 
I begin to understand. I am always so grateful for 
these lessons, because these doctrines really saved 
me from all the difficulties I have met only lately. 

Most strange is the memory of childhood. 
After I was quite grown up I began to study the 
Bible and some other religious as well as philo- 



30 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



sophical books. However, when I meet the diffi- 
culties, none of these books come to mind, but 
only those books which I learnt in my childhood. 

At the same time I began to learn to compose 
Chinese poetries and arts. There was a man 










^^ 







MY BROTHER AND 1 AT RON CHI-GA-HARA 



called Chikko Tamegai in a neighbouring village. 
He was my brother's friend, and he understood 
Bunjin Ga (poetic art of the ancient Chinese). 
I learnt the art from him. 

Almost every Sunday morning my brother took 
me to him. Between this village and ours there 
was a vast wild field called Ron chi-ga-Hara. The 
field was full of azaleas and other wild flowers 




I^^i,^ 



JAPANESE AND CHINESE CLASSICS 31 

and ferns. Here and there some big pine trees 
were barking against the breeze high above. It 
was such a romantic ground. On the way, my 
brother used to sing out his own poetries. I often 
composed my own, and he corrected them for 
me. Then I was so enthusiastic with the art, and 
I used to discuss with my brother how to con- 
ventionalize all those real views into Bunjin Ga. 

My own home was very poetical, too. My 
little bedroom window was facing towards the 
east. On the early spring morning the sun rose 
just beyond two large oak trees and threw the 
shadows of a few bamboos and cherry trees on the 
window. Then some Japanese nightingales came to 
sing there. I used to watch their shadows darting 
from tree to tree and listen to them from my bed. 
It was the greatest pleasure for me to get up 
and open that paper door and see the first blossoms 
on that cherry tree. O such a fresh fragrance ! 
And just a few yards beyond there was a peach tree. 
I love peach blossom so much. It is tender and 
peaceful, and especially after the rain the fence 
against the peach blossom becomes so dark and 
the blossom so refreshing ! I always recollected 
that famous ancient Chinese poetry : 

How difficult to get up early In the spring ; 

In my bed I listen to the singing birds. 

We had much rain and wind last night — 

How many blossoms have fallen on the ground I wonder. 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



I loved '' Toshi Sen " so much. '' Toshi Sen " 
is the collection of the best poetries in To Dynasty 
(ancient China). My father made play-cards from 
Jekku (short poetry). Jekku has four lines. The 
two upper lines were written on one card, and the 
other two lines were written on another card. 




POETRY-CARDS GAME 



The game was that some reader had to read the 
upper-line card, while we all had to pick up the 
corresponding lower-line card, all of which were 
spread on the floor. The one who got most cards 
was the winner. 

On every New Year festival my father invited 
all my best friends to play this game. All of 



JAPANESE AND CHINESE CLASSICS 33 

them were a few years older than myself, and 
I was the youngest. There were so many poetries 
which resembled each other, and they often 
mixed them up all together. I always explained 
them about the metre and styles of each poet, 
and told them which were the right cards. I never 
forget how proud and how pleased was my father 
each time. He used to slap his knee with his hand 
and smile so happily ! 

In that way I learnt to recite all the poetries, 
which even now I can recite. Here I might trans- 
late some of them which were impressed in my 
mind so deeply : 

my ambition to reach the blue sky has not been fulfilled in 

the long years. 

1 am still loitering far below, now in the age of the gray hair ! 
Who cares, but my own image on the mirror ? 

I and my reflection alone are sympathizing each other. 

In my childish mind I felt so sad for that poor 
poet, and I sympathized with his misfortunes. 
I was foolish enough to believe that I myself 
could succeed everything quite easily. Who 
knows that this poetry tells my own present life 
now ! 

A quarter century ago I recited this poetry as 
some one else's, and to-day I recite it as if it is 
my own. 

D 



34 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Here is another : 

The birds look whiter on the blue water, 
And the flowers are burning on the green hill. 
Another spring is passing away now ! 
When shall I be able to go home ? 

How often have I recited this when I got home- 
sick ! Indeed, when I grew older and saw more 
of the world, these poetries came to my head 
deeper. My father always said to me, " Study 
the poetries. The poetries are the real expression 
of the feeling of humanity. Therefore if you 
study the poetries you will learn the humanity." 
At the same time I started to compose my own 
poetries, and he said to me, " Don't try to arrange 
the words without feeling. Wait until you get the 
real emotion, and then compose it into the right 
words." 

I made several poetries at the age of nine or 
ten, and some of them were published in some 
magazines. I think my brother is still keeping 
the collection of all my works, and I hope to trans- 
late them into English some day. 




^^^ 



FISHING ON THE RIVER YAHAGI 



CHAPTER III 

MY CHILD FRIENDS 

A T that time I had a girl friend. We went on 
together so well. Whenever we were allowed 
to play together it was our happiest moment. In 
our childish minds we thought, We will marry 
some day when we get older. She was the only 
daughter of some rich farmer. Her mother told 
my parents that would be a misfit ; because she 
must inherit from that wealthy family, and to 
do that she needed a very businesslike husband. 
One who loved " to look at the moon or whistle 
at the pine valley could not be her husband ; on the 
other hand, the best part of his nature is the poetic 
feeling, and he would suffer much if he had to go to 
the business line." We both felt so sad, but decided 
to give up our love for our parents' sake. I am very 
sad to say that she died when she was sixteen. 

I had many boy friends, to all of whom I de- 
voted myself, especially to Tatsuyo Yebina and 
Tetsugoro Goto. They both are my second 
cousins, and a few years older than myself, but 
they were in the same class with me, 

35 



36 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Tatsuyo lived two miles and half away from 
my village. The poor boy had to travel all the 
way, and back, to attend to our school. He was 
often behind the school hours, and I was so anxious 
for him if he was late. I could not sit down on 
my own seat. I used to climb up the wall and watch 
him coming to the school, and when I saw him 
beyond the cliff I was always so happy. Very often 
I watched him on the wall after the bell rang, 
and I was punished several times. Sometimes he 
was too ill to come to the school ; then I was very 
miserable all day, and my marks of every lesson were 
so low. The teacher knew that, and he used to say 
Tatsuyo and I were just like the two wheels of a 
wagon, — when one was not on the wagon the wagon 
never moved. After we were grown up I was 
always so proud of him. He finished the course 
of the mechanical department of the Imperial 
University. 

It was he who discovered how to make the 
bricks for the furnaces. Until he had done this 
most valuable discovery our country used to 
import bricks from Germany. But now all Japanese 
ordnance and everywhere use Tatsuyo's bricks. 
About five years ago he visited Germany and 
learned a great deal about his own profession. 
It is too sad for me to tell the readers that this 
dearest friend of mine died three years ago, when 



MT CHILD FRIENDS 37 

his age was only thirty-five. He was so earnest 
to find out the earth which was suitable for his bricks. 
One winter day he rode on his cycle and travelled 
through a thick snow storm. He found out the 
earth exactly he wanted ; but so unluckily he caught 
bad influenza, and died a few weeks later. 

Tetsugoro Goto is still very healthy. He is 
now the editor of the Japanese Police Magazine, 

When we three were the school children it was 
our greatest fun to go to fishing on Sundays. Also 
we used to catch sparrows by kuguchi (a kind of trap). 
But about this trap I have some sad story. One 
day I saw many sparrows were gathering on the 
back garden of my house. I thought if I made a 
trap there surely I could catch one. So I made a 
trap. But the spring was too strong. When I heard 
the sound of the trap and went there, I saw a poor 
sparrow's neck was almost severed, and he died 
instantaneously. He was bleeding vermilion red. 
I felt so sad for the poor bird. I buried him in 
my garden, and made a grave with this inscription : 
" Here lies a poor unlucky sparrow who so inno- 
cently was trapped by a wicked human being. I 
sincerely repent." 

I have never made a sparrow-trap since then. 

Just the time when I was about ten, shoga kai 
was most fashionable thing in my country. Shoga 
kai means '' poets' and artists' gathering." It 



38 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

was always performed in some old big temple. 
Poets and artists went there and wrote their poetries 
or painted quick sketches. Many people came with 
papers to ask the artists and poets to work. I 
used to attend to the gathering with my brother 
and my teachers of art. They were quite grown- 
up people, and of course I was the youngest. So 
I was the favourite of all people, and I was much 
spoilt there. When they finished this esthetical 
game, they generally invited some geishas and had 
refreshments. Geishas used to treat me very 
kindly. My school-teacher suggested to my father 
that it might not be the place for ten-year-old boy 
to go. My father only laughed at the suggestion. 
To confess the truth, I was a great favourite of 
many elder women. My neighbours used to sigh 
and say, " When the little Master Heiji grows 
up, what life will he have ? " By this they meant 
I might have too much sentimental life — perhaps 
I might create an awful love-tragedy. But, in fact, 
they were absolutely mistaken of me. I had too 
great ambition to be ruined by women. Besides, 
something happened when I was eleven years old 
— yes, something too sad to write. My dearest 
mother died ! 

This gave a great change in my life. I suppose no 
children in this world could be without shock when 
they lose their mothers. But in my case the 



MT CHILD FRIENDS 39 

shock was too great indeed. Many doctors an- 
nounced that I could not live much longer, or at 
least I might become insane. 

Just lately, when I was living in Sydney Street 
(about six years ago), one of my Japanese friends 
called on me. I told him about my mother, and I 
could not conceal my tears. He exclaimed, " No 
doubt you are one of the most filial sons I have ever 
seen ! Fancy ! Some twenty years after her death 
you talk about your mother as if she died a few days 
ago ! But I quite understand you. Very few people 
in this world have such a sweet mother as yours. 
If I were you, I should be exactly same with you. 
Nay, I would love your mother more than my 
own ! " 

I think he was perfectly right. 



CHAPTER IV 

MY MOTHER AND I 

'^TOW let me write my mother's life, just 
roughly. Her father was a great scholar of 
the ancient Chinese classics. When she was born 
he named her Katsu. The meaning of Katsu 
was from some ancient Chinese odes. He wrote 
that ode on a parchment. It runs like this : 

When the vine of Katsu grows in the deep valley, birds come 
to rest on its leaves and they sing sweet songs ; 

When the vine of Katsu grows in the deep valley, its leaves are 
so green and its vines get so strong. 

Let us cut the vine and take its fibre ; 

Let us beat the fibre and make it into threads ; 

Let us weave a cloth with that thread, and let us wear the cloth. 

We shall never complain how poor it is ! 

I quite remember she was always keeping this 
writing next to her skin as her omamori sama (or 
souvenir) all her life. 

Her life was exactly as her own name, or this 
ode. 

She might have met with many a rough storm 
in this world, but she always persevered every- 

40 



MT MOTHER AND I 41 

thing to herself, and let all merry birds rest on 
her and sing. She always dressed herself in quite 
plain cloth, and never complained. She gave all 
comfort to the rest of her family. 

When she was a girl she was most filial to her 
parents. It was wide-known fact — every villager 
used to tell me that. And I was told that when 
she was about twelve she went to some old castle 
quite alone, and she climbed up to some high ruined 
stones. There, to her great surprise, she saw a wild 
fox. She was so frightened, and jumped down some 
ten feet. She struck her chest against an old stone. 
There she fainted. Some hours later a workman 
found her quite senseless. He carried her home. 
Many distinguished doctors were summoned. They 
did their best, and she came back to life again. 
But they found out one of her rib-bones was broken. 
She was in bed for some months before she Vv^as quite 
recovered. It was almost miracle that she became 
healthy enough to marry. 

Her marriage was rather romantic one. My 
father went to her village when he was quite 
young. He had fencing with many Samurais 
in her village. Nobody could beat him. My 
mother was w^atching the fencing. Seeing his 
gallantry, she fell into love with him. Her father 
noticed her love, and let her marry my father. 
It was so unlike most Japanese marriages in those 



42 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

days. Generally they used to marry without love. 
That was the reason my parents were so happy. 
There was always some sweet fragrance in my 
home. Between my parents there was always 
existing some sweetness, abundant sympathy, and 
much respecting to each other. And they adored 
us, the children. But, as my mother had such a 
serious accident when a girl, she used to suffer 
ill-health from time to time. She was very delicate. 
So, although I was quite happy-natured boy, I 
had to worry much about her life. I so well re- 
member it was when I was about seven or eight 
years old, one of our servants came to me and said, 
" My honourable little master, how lucky you must 
be ! You can do anything you like. Oh, let me 
have your life only for one day, I shall be quite 
contented." 

I sighed and said to her, " Do you think I am a 
happy boy ? You don't know me, then. Don't 
you know I have much to worry ? I am worrying 
every day to think what to do if something 
happens to my mother's life ! " 

My servant did not know how to answer me, 
and she sobbed. 

As I was growing up my mother was getting 
weaker and weaker every year. Once she used 
to be in her ill bed three times in a year ; but next 
year she was for six times, and the next year she 



MT MOTHER AND I 43 

was in bed fully four months altogether — something 
like that. She often got a great pain in her chest so 
suddenly, and sometimes that happened in mid- 
night. I was always ready to run up to her doctor, 
because I could run quicker than anybody in my 
house. 

It was when I was just ten years old, one autumn 
afternoon, she walked in our garden, and fell down. 
She^ could not stand up. My sister helped her to 
her room. Her face was bruised and a little bleeding. 
I was so terrified, and I thought of the worst. 
My most anxious anticipation was proved only too 
true. Since this accident she was quite flat in bed. 
Some villagers told me if she ate a carp-fish she 
would be cured. So I used to go fishing after 
the school hours every day. My father and brother 
knew it was only too foolish to believe that, but 
they said nothing to me. They knew my mother's 
illness was quite uncurable, but they did not want 
to hurt my childish heart. I went to fishing week 
after week without the result. One day, to my great 
delight, I caught a tiny carp-fish. My mother was 
so pleased, and said to me she would surely be cured 
with that fish. She ate it. Nevertheless she was 
getting worse and worse. I began to believe all 
sorts of miracle stories. The villagers told me 
so-and-so image is very holy ; if you pray to him 
everything is fulfilled. So I used to go to many 



44 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

temples to pray. And I often offered candle-lights 
to some images in midnight, and I kept it quite 
secret to everybody. To my heart's rending, my 
mother's condition never improved. 

One of the summer evenings next year my brother 
and myself had a walk along some rice-fields. It was 
a nice and cool evening. All the rice had abundant 
silver dew on each leaf. The sun was just set, 
leaving the golden rays on the edge of the western 
clouds. And smoke was going up high from 
the roofs of some farmer's house. Three or 
five frogs began to croak between the rice-fields. 
The evening bells of far-distant temples were tolling 
slowly. My brother and myself were getting on 
quite poetically, and we both were loitering along 
the bank of a small streamlet. Our doctor was 
coming from the direction of our house. We both 
hurried tov/ard him. My brother asked him what 
did he think about our mother. The doctor, 
looking at me, gave some sign in his eye to 
my brother. My brother immediately said to 
me : 

" Heiji, you hear some frog is croaking so nicely. 
Go up there and catch him." 

I obeyed to his demand, and ran away from 
them. But I had such a shocking anticipation. 
My heart beat so high. I could not think about 
the frogs ; I watched them from the distance, 




i 




m 




■»' *•« " ' 


■*' 


'} >• 


1 . 




MT MOTHER AND I 45 

and in a few minutes I came back to them. The 
doctor was just saying good-bye to my brother. 
I saw my brother's eyes were quite red. I asked 
him what the doctor had said to him. He would 
not tell me. He only said smoke came into his 
eyes, and he rubbed his eyes. My imagination 
went quickly to the worst point. That beautiful 
poetic view just until a few minutes ago turned 
into such a melancholy colour to my eyes. Even 
now, when I see the same effect of sunset, I always 
recollect this saddest moment. We both went home 
quite silent. 

My father always had the bright side. He 
said, " That man is not the only doctor in this 
world. I shall get better ones, who would surely 
make your mother quite recovered." He invited 
many famous medical professors. I think he spent 
enormous amount of money for that. 

Whenever I had spare time from my lessons, I 
was by the side of my mother's bed every day, 
and tried to soothe her. One day I saw her face 
was so pale. I said to her, " Mother, you look 
so ill ; what shall I do for you ? " She shed 
tears. That was so strange to me, because it 
was her nature not to turn her sadness to any- 
body, especially to me. Immediately I thought 
her long illness must have made her mind so weak. 
She said to me, " My dearest Heiji, I feel so sorry for 



46 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

you to have such a delicate mother. Look at those 
children who have healthy mothers. They have 
nothing to worry at your age. But, my dear child, 
you worry so much about my illness. Don't you ? 
All the doctors may forsake my life, but I shall try 
to struggle to live longer for your sake. Don't you 
remember that great historian Rai San Yo ? He 
had consumption. Every doctor gave up the hope. 
But San Yo himself said he would not die until he 
had finished his history books, and he lived until 
his work was done. You see, his strong will has 
conquered the death. I, too, have a strong will 
to live until you grow up a little more." 

She buried her face in her bed, and I wept 
silently by her side. 

The next summer came, and she was much 
improving — indeed, so much so that she began to 
have a walk in the back garden. All my families 
were so delighted. We all thought she was quite 
recovered. 

At that time my father was invited by a daimyo 
in the next village to have the lectures of " Shiki," 
the famous ancient Chinese history. He suggested 
that I ought to join to that lecture, because my 
mother had become much better. He wanted me 
badly, because he was so proud of me to understand 
" Shiki " at the age of eleven. So I went to that 
daimyo's house to stay with my father. I stayed 



MY MOTHER AND I \^ 

there about fortnight. The lecture was not yet 
finished, but I began to feel uneasy so to be away 
from my mother. I bid good-bye to my father and 
came home. Strange to say, my mother began to 
be ill again on the same morning. She was in bed. 
In the evening I was nursing her as usual, while 
my brother was lecturing Mencius to some young 
boys in a tea-ceremony room. 

My mother said to me, " I don't want you for 
a few minutes, so go to your brother. I shall call 
you as soon as I want you." So I went to that tea- 
ceremony room. Only two or three minutes later 
I heard my mother's voice. She was not calling 
me ; it sounded more like screaming. I rushed into 
her room. I saw her fall down before she reached 
to her bed. She was choking. 

I called my brother to attend on her, and I 
myself ran to the doctor immediately. The 
doctor's maid told me he was having bath, so he 
would come in a few minutes. I could not go back 
alone without the doctor. I was stamping the ground 
at the entrance. My patience was broken. I 
rushed into his bath-room. He said he had not 
finished his bath yet. But I asked him to come out. 
I helped him to dress up, and the doctor and I ran 
back to my house. 

Everything was so silent. I shouted to my 
brother, *' Doctor has come ! " He gave no answer. 



48 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

When we went into the room, I saw my brother 
was drooping his head down by the side of my 
mother's bed. My mother was lying quite motion- 
less in her bed. The doctor announced her life 
was out of any hope. 

I could not believe that for the moment. I 
felt I was dreaming in a dream. I don't remember 
what I was doing until the next morning. I do not 
mean to be conceited, but really I have fairly 
good memory of anything, and if I try to recollect 
it I always get it from my memory. Only that 
night my mother died is the exception to the rule 
of my memory. It is more as if I was chloroformed. 
It is quite a blank. Did I cry ? Did I weep ? 
Or did I sleep or not ? I don't remember. Only 
one thing I am quite sure is that I did not faint, 
so I must have been doing something. 

The next morning my father, sister, and all 
relatives were at home, and relations and friends 
who were far av/ay were arriving every hour all 
day. 

I myself refused to see anybody. I secluded 
myself in my little room. There I buried my 
face in my own arms on a desk and wept. All the 
mourners came to my room. They did not know 
what to say to me. They passed away in silence. 
Now and then I lifted my head, and I saw through 
my tears those people who came in front of me 



MY MOTHER AND I 49 

and very sympathetically nodded their heads and 
went away. My favourite aunts and some few 
intimate people patted my shoulder for their 
affection and sympathy. I grasped the hand of 
some of them. But no sooner than I touched their 
hands, I noticed the tears began to flow on their 
cheeks so freely. 

Neither they nor I could utter a single word. 
My father came in and said, " Heiji wants rather 
to be left alone. Is that not so ? " I answered, 
" Yes." So they all left. My sister used to bring 
every meal and leave them on my desk. But she 
could not utter a word. Very often the dishes 
were quite cold when I lifted up my head. Very 
little indeed I could take. Five days passed that 
way. Then the funeral day came. In the morning 
my father came to me and whispered to me, " Be 
as a Samurai to-day." 

I came back into my own conscience immediately. 
I joined to the funeral procession and walked just 
after my brother. As my mother was so popular 
in our village, there were many mourners ; the 
procession was such a long one. Then there were 
plenty spectators. They all knew I was so much 
upset, and I heard they were whispering, " What 
has become of our poor little Master Heiji ? Is 
he in the procession ? " 

I was most solemn, but showed no trace of 



so WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

my tears. They seemed surprised, and my father 
was so proud of me. 

Oh, I was such a little devil to be so hypocrite. 
By no means could I conquer my sadness. No sooner 
than I came back I was quite broken down. The 
shock was even greater than before the funeral. 
Everybody seemed to be getting recovered from 
their shock, little by little, every day ; but I was 
in reverse. At the time of the funeral my misery 
was a sort of madness. But as the time passed on 
my conscience was getting back, and I began to 
think of my mother's past life. 

I recollected all her kindness and sweetness, 
and especially when I was so naughty to her. I 
said alone, " Why have you gone so soon, my 
dearest mother ? I believe I could be a nicer 
boy if I tried. Then how much you would be 
pleased with me. I am sure I have not done my 
best to you. Mother, do forgive me ! " 

I was talking alone all the time as if my mother 
was present. Then, in midnight, I used to steal 
away myself from my bed and go to her grave to 
shed my tears. My servants always fetched me 
home, and told me if I go to the graveyard in mid- 
night some ghost might appear to me. I said, 
" Oh, let the ghost of my mother appear to me. 
I shall be so happy to tell her what I had not done 
during her life ! " 



MT MOTHER AND I 51 

My father began to notice that I was not quite 
right. He sent for some doctors. Some of them 
expressed their opinion freely that I should be 
either insane or die. 



CHAPTER V 

MY FATHER AND I 

A T this moment my father had the brightest 
idea to cure me. One day he told me there 
was only one way for me. My mother's spirit was 
always watching me from above, and if I wanted 
to please her spirit, I ought to do something in this 
world and become " somebody." And he said to 
me with a happy smile, '' How your mother would 
be delighted ! " 

I was such an ambitious boy, so it was something 
like the sunbeam to my life, and immediately 
I began to feel quite a bright boy again. Yes, 
I really became very jolly boy, but I entirely gave 
up all sorts of children's games, such as tops, kites, 
little boats, etc. I used to sit down all day and 
read books, this time really to study every word 
of those very difficult books of the ancient classics 
and histories, and all words were the guides and keys 
for my future life. 

Here I give the readers the stories of some per- 
sonalities in the ancient Chinese histories which 
I used to love. I loved Kanshin very much. Kan- 

52 



MT FATHER AND I 



53 



shin was a son of an ordinary farmer. But he had 
a great ambition. It was the end of Jin Dynasty, 
when the whole country was in disorder. 

Kanshin never thought of his own daily life, as 
his head was busy to think of some greater things. 




I USED TO SIT DOWN ALL DAY AND READ 

One day he was starving almost to death. There 
was a wash-woman and she gave him one bowl of 
cooked rice. Kanshin said to her, " You good 
woman, I shall return your kindness when I fulfil 
my ambition." The woman laughed at him, and 
insulted him, saying, " Such a fool could do nothing." 

Another day Kanshin met with several tanners 



54 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

on a market. (In China tanners were classed as the 
lowest.) They shouted to Kanshin, " Hallo, young 
coward, if you are afraid to fight with us you must 
crawl under our feet." 

Kanshin stared at their faces for a while, then 
crawled under their feet. All the crowds on the 
market screamed with their laughter. But, in fact, 
Kanshin himself thought his life was too precious 
to risk such a useless duel. Afterwards when the 
first King of Kan Dynasty raised a revolutionary 
war, Kanshin assisted him and conquered all 
country. Now Kanshin was made the Field-Marshal 
of the King of Kan. That wash-woman and those 
tanners were invited to a dinner by the Field- 
Marshal. When they were told the hon. host was 
that " coward Kanshin " they could not raise up 
their heads. 

Another hero of the same period was Chory5. 
One day when he was quite a boy he met with a 
benevolent old man on a horseback. Just when he 
was riding over a bridge, he dropped one of his 
shoes in the water. Choryo hurried to the river to 
pick up the shoe. He wiped it with his own clothes 
and gave it to the old man. The old man ac- 
cepted it with his foot. Nevertheless Choryo 
saluted him very politely, and he was going away. 
The old man called him back, and said to him in a 
most haughty way, " You can be taught, though 



MT FAIRER AND I 55 

you are stupid enough. Come to this very bridge 
to meet me on the early morning of the third day." 

Choryo went there on the third morning and 
found out the old man was already there. The 
latter was very angry and said, " What ? You 
made a promise with an elder person, and come 
later than he ? Go back now and try to come 
earlier than me next time ! " 

On next third day Choryo went there quite 
early, but to his surprise the old man was already 
there again. He was still more angry and kicked 
Choryo. Chory5 apologized him very sincerely, 
and begged him to make another appointment 
after three days. 

Choryo went there on the evening of the second 
day and waited whole night. But this time the 
old man was quite late, he arrived there long time 
after the sunrise. 

The old man smiled and took out a parchment, 
and said to Ch5ry6, " Here is written all the secrets 
to become a great man, so you read it ! I shall 
never see you again, but if you go to that mountain 
beyond, you shall see a big yellow rock. That is 
I," and he disappeared. Chory5 opened the parch- 
ment and found only two words written — " Patience 
and Perseverance." But with these two words 
Choryd became the Premier for the King of Hun ! 

Still nobler story was that of Kai-Shi-Sui. 



56 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Kai-Shi-Sui was a loyal subject of Toko of Shin, 
v/ho became a king later on. While Toko was wan- 
dering about the country as fugitive a few of his 
subjects followed him. Kai-Shi-Sui was most 
devoted to Toko. Once when Toko was starved 
nearly to death Kai-Shi-Sui cut his own flesh to 
feed his master. 

Toko conquered all over the country at last ; 
it was all through Kai-Shi-Sui's merits. All other 
less important subjects were elevated to high ranks, 
but Kai-Shi-Sui was forgotten by his master, 
because he was too modest to come forward. He 
said, '' It is all the Heaven's will that our master 
has become the King. If one steals some properties 
of his neighbour, people call him ' thief.' If, then, 
one stole the Heaven's will, what would he be 
called ? " He hid himself in a lonely mountain. 

Some one gave a hint to the King saying, " Once 
upon a time, there was a dragon and a few serpents 
followed him. One of the serpents was so loyal, 
and when the dragon starved he offered his own 
flesh to his master dragon. Now the dragon got a 
nice palace to live in and all the other serpents 
received the comfortable holes to live in. Only 
that most loyal serpent has no hole." 

The King said, " It was my own fault." 

He commanded his subjects to search Kai-Shi-Sui, 
but the latter never came out from the mountain. 



MT FATHER AND I 57 

The King set fire on the mountain in hope Kai-Shi- 
Sui would come out, but Kai-Shi-Sui was burnt to 
death instead. The King lamented extremely ; 
and even now all the villagers around that mountain 
keep the Anniversal Day of Kai-Shi-Sui's death, and 
they don't use fire on that date, but have cold dishes. 

When I read this tory I told my father that I 
loved Kai-Shi-Sui so much. Nothing could be 
nobler than his words, '' If one steals the Heaven's 
will, what will he be called ? " 

My father was delighted. He said to me, '' My 
dear little boy, could you really understand that 
at your age ? You are my son ! " 

Indeed, my father has led his own life something 
like Kai-Shi-Sui. During our civil war to make the 
new Japan he staked his life, and did a great deal 
for our country. But no sooner was the peace 
restored by the victorious Revolutionalists than he 
resigned himself in his little village. I thought he 
could have occupied quite a prominent seat in the 
Government if he had tried, but it was not at all 
his desire. He always said, " It was the Heaven's 
will and the Emperor's own virtue to have the 
victory, and I could not be a thief of the Heaven's 
will." His idea was that the political work ought 
to be absolutely voluntary for the country, and that 
one must not expect any reward for his work. 
He used to admire George Washington, especially 



58 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

the last part of his Ufe when he resigned as a farmer 
once more after being a President. He thought 
the education was most important when the country 
was restored to peace. He began to train all the 
young men in the village. I am very proud of my 
father's conduct, especially to think that several 
well-to-do patriots have sprang out among his 
pupils now. 

As such was my father's life, and he was impracti- 
cal about the business matter, he was getting poorer 
and poorer every day. Of course, he spent a great 
deal on the medical attention for my poor delicate 
mother. There was another reason. No doubt my 
mother was a good manageress in my home, and un- 
luckily my father lost his manageress so early. Many 
good friends of his advised him to marry again, 
but he absolutely refused it, as a stepmother could 
not be as nice to his favourite child (myself) as the 
real mother. He preferred his widowered life for 
my own sake. 

Within eighteen months my father was almost 
bankrupted. He himself was obliged to be a school- 
teacher at a little village called Miyoshi, and my 
elder brother, too, gave up his coUegical study and 
became a tutor of a school some fifty miles away. 
We all had to abandon our dear home. It was 
decided quite sudden ! 

I was told to join to my father in Miyoshi 



MT FATHER AND I 



59 



village. Just a few weeks before, my brother 
bought nice lotus plants in a beautiful vase and 
some buds were coming out. I used to get up 
very early every morning in hope to see the flowers 
quite blossomed. On the day when it was fixed 
to leave our home the lotus had not blossomed yet. 
I begged my father to postpone our departure 




until they would open, and despite of all the lug- 
gages packed up my father consented to wait. 

After two mornings they all blossomed beauti- 
fully, as if they were bidding farewell to us. I 
went to my own garden, which I loved so dearly, 
and shed my tears quite secretly whole morning. 

They could not sell our house immediately, 
so all the doors were shut up except a little tea- 



6o WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

ceremony room, which was lent to a policeman. 
As Miyoshi village was not more than ten miles off, 
I often came back to see my dear old home. But 
it was changing its appearance more and more every 
time when I visited it. That policeman so heart- 
lessly destroyed my own beloved garden. There 
were no more beautiful roses nor chrysanthemums, 
but he planted potatoes and other vegetables, and 
all the rest part of the gardens were ruined by wild 
weeds. 

Looking at these I recollected the Japanese 
History of the Era of Hogen-Heiji (twelfth century 
of the Christian Era), which I was just studying. 
At that time Naritsune Fujiwara was exiled in a 
small island for three years. When he was par- 
doned and came back to his own house in Kyoto, 
he found out his house was abandoned and so ruined. 
He made a poetry : 

The mosses are grown so thick between the broken roof-boards 
That the moonbeams do not leak in as much as I thought ! 

I made a poetry of my own home, too. 

The gardens and house are so much ruined that I recollect the 

old poetry, 
While the sparrows are heartlessly chattering on the plum tree. 

One evening that policeman, Yuba (who hired our 
tea-room), invited me and my cousin-friend Goto. 
He was talking about " gai-shi," the Japanese 




THE CAREENS WERE RUINED BY WILD WEEDS 



62 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

history by the great Rai San Yo. (It just equals 
the English History by Macaulay.) But the police- 
man was hopelessly ignorant. I could not help 
without laughing. I gave him a deep sigh, and I 
said, " Pray stop your nonsensical demonstration. 
If you want to talk me about Rai San Yo, study the 
book for three years more, then come to me ! " 

I said this from my heart, without being conceited 
at all. But the poor policeman was very indignant. 
And I never forget his angry expression. He said, 
" Dear Master Heiji, how dare you try to insult 
me who am much elder than you ! (Indeed, he was 
about forty.) Remember you are only a little kid 
of twelve years old. I heard of you a great deal 
as a comely little darling. Now I am so surprised 
to see you quite different from what I heard of. 
Be careful and behave yourself better or else you 
shall be hated by everybody." 

I said, " Good-bye, poor policeman, I shan't see 
you again." He was still more angry. My cousin 
Goto whispered me that Yuba might do some harm 
on me, but he thought I was quite right. I re- 
member he wrote all about that, adding more 
tales so untruthfully to my father and brother. 
I was rather frightened to see my father and brother, 
I thought they might scold me. But when I saw 
them next time they did not say a single word about 
that, and my mind was very much released. 



MT FATHER AND I 63 

At this time, many English books were translated 
into Japanese, and I studied them. Among these 
books my most favourite were Fawcett's Political 
Economy and Buckle's The History of the Civili- 
zation. I loved the prefaces of both books, because 
they told me both Fawcett and Buckle were so 
filial to their parents. I thought Fawcett was a 
real Bushido because when he met with that gun 
accident and lost his sight, he so tenderly soothed 
his father not to worry his own future life, instead 
of grumbling. 

Buckle I loved most dearly. First of all, I 
thoroughly agreed with him when he said he pre- 
ferred his self-study to the school study. I always 
had the same idea, because my father trained me 
in that way. He often said, '' The modern school 
system is very bad for children, because the children 
are too much excited with examination. They all 
study their lessons for the sake to pass their examina- 
tion, and then the worst thing is they forget every- 
thing after the examination ! " 

And that preface of The History of the Civili- 
zation said, " When Buckle finished his first volume, 
he put it in front of his mother and said, ' Mother, 
please be glad, your beloved son has made this 
book ! ' " 

When I had read and come to this point I threw 
the book down, and said to the book, " Oh, Buckle, 



64 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I envy you very much ! You were a lucky one to have 
a mother to please ! Indeed, if I ever succeed 
writing a nice book, to whom shall I show it to 
please ? " 

My father was much afraid that I might get into 
a melancholy fit again. He tried to soothe me 
with all sorts of fairylike tales. However, I tried 
to get all books to study. But there was a great 
difficulty to do so because some new books were 
expensive, and my father was getting too poor to 
buy all that I wanted. Besides, in such a small 
country village it was difficult enough to get new 
books even if we could pay any amount of money. 
And the library system was very bad then, too. I 
think there were only one or two libraries in Tokio 
or in Kyoto. And even such a big town like Nagoya 
(which was only seventeen miles and half from our 
village) had no library. When I think of that now, 
I always envy the English or American students 
who have abundant libraries wherever they live. 

It was about this time a new monthly mxagazine, 
called English Self-Taught^ was published. I was 
delighted to subscribe this magazine, because I 
had already an ambition to come out to the western 
world ! Whenever I think of my first study of the 
English now, I cannot help of laughing. You see, 
this was the very first time to study an entirely 
different language. The first number had to start 



MT FATHER AND I 65 

with W eh sterns S^ felling Book and Wilson^ s First 
Reader. The pronunciation of every word was 
written in the Japanese alphabet. They were awfully 
incorrect. For instance, for '' Ape has hands " 
I pronounced thus : " Yaipu hazoo handosu " — 
something like that. And it was ever so difficult 
for me to understand the meanings, because the 
idioms were so different from those of Japanese. 
I thought " Ape has hands " meant, " Ape is hold- 
ing his hand with other hand ! " Really it was almost 
hopeless to study the English without a teacher. 

Professor Ban of the Educational Department 
came to my village to have lectures with lanterns 
for two nights. He was just back from his tour in 
America and Europe. He showed us many views of 
the western life, and lectured all his impressions 
upon them. 

That made me quite mad with my ambition to 
come out to America or Europe, more than ever. 
I thought my father was too poor to send me abroad, 
so I decided to become a tutor of some grammar 
school. Such a young boy-tutor ! Anyhow, I 
got that job in Chita Gori, a peninsula in the inland 
sea, where my brother was a tutor too. I stayed at 
a village doctor's house. This doctor wanted to 
make me a physician. But I refused, and after a 
month or two I ran away and joined to my" father 
again. 



CHAPTER VI 

I BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 

A HORRID question now happened upon my 
life. I was obliged to inherit one of my 
nearest relatives who had only one daughter. 
Some day later on I had to marry her. 

I was quite shocked. 

They told me I need not marry her until I 
finished all my study and reached twenty or twenty- 
one of my age. Anyhow, I ought to be adopted 
as a son, and a brother to that daughter, at the 
present moment. It was this time they changed 
my boy-name Heiji into Yoshio. I loved my 
boy-name, and even now I hate to be called Yoshio. 
The family was a quite rich one, and they promised 
to send me to a college immediately. But they 
made me a tutor instead, and I had to work in 
a grammar school with our cousin. I was awfully 
surprised, but I preferred it to have a life in that 
supposed-to-be home of my future. We have a 
saying in Japan, " To be a dog is better than to be 
an adopted son." 

Here I think I need to explain the reader about 

66 



/ BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 67 

our life. When any family, especially a rich family, 
has only a daughter, generally her nearest relative 
must become her husband and inherit her family 
name. It is something like the royal families in 
Europe. The wife becomes the queen of the 
house and the husband has no more power than 
a mere consort. He is obliged to obey her, and 
also his mother-in-law. 

I think I worked as a tutor there for three or 
four months, during which time a famous Buddhist 
philosopher, Tanaka, came to a temple in that 
village and had a lecture to reform the religions 
in Japan. I was much impressed with it. I studied 
all those books which Tanaka left there. Then 
I heard some one opened a private school to teach 
English in Nishio. Nishio was only a few miles 
away. I wanted so badly to join to that school. 
All my relatives were very angry Vv^ith me. They 
reproached me, saying, " You are awfully change- 
able boy ! When a Buddhist philosopher came 
you were quite mad with Buddhism. Now some 
one opened an English school, and you are mad of 
English lessons. Keep your mind a little quieter." 

I said, " I don't see any sense in you. What's 
wrong with me to study everything eagerly ? 
Besides, are you not teaching the Reader to the 
school children every day ? Have you not read 
histories of many great men ? They all had a 



68 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

great struggle in their life. Now you teach those 
histories to the children in daytime and you con- 
tradict it to an ambitious boy in the evening. 
I am sorry to say, but you are nothing for good at 
all ! " 

They were furious. 

" Shut up your mouth, you saucy kid ! Book 
is book, and our daily life is our . . ." 

" A-aa-ah ? " I interrupted. 

" Be serious and listen to us. Books tell only 
about those great men, and remember you are 
not a great man. You are so unpractical in your 
daily life. First lesson for you to learn is how 
much is the price of rice. You always talk about 
your future ambition. It is very well to say ' am- 
bition.' Yours is more like a phantom cloud. 
Remember you will not stumble against Fuji 
Mountain, but you are always stumbling against 
a little pebble." 

I said, '' If I stumble against a little pebble, 
I shall get up immediately. That is all. How 
glad I am to hear I don't stumble against Fuji 
Mountain. It is a great compliment to me ! " 

They all vv^ent into a dining-room, for it was 
the supper-time. I remained in my room, and 
began to wonder because their ideas were so different 
from those of my own family. I thought it was 
better to get rid of them. So I decided to run 



/ BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 69 

away. It was about five or six o'clock in the 
evening, and I saw such a dark angry cloud on the 
eastern sky. Should I wait until to-morrow morn- 
ing ? No, I could not see such hideous people 
any longer. I left a note, " A big fish could ^not 
live in such a small pond." 

I was afraid if I put on my geta (Japanese wooden 
footgear) I might make noise, and they would 
recognize me. So in my bare feet I slipped myself 
out from my window. 

I had to walk about ten miles in rice-fields and 
three or four miles in a lonely mountain. Soon 
I met with such a strong tempest. The rain was 
falling just like a tiger's skin, and the white splash 
of it rose high on the fields. The wind was blowing 
and whistling against my ear. The clay road was 
awfully slippery. I saw thunderbolts behind me 
first, and in front later on. I was rather frightened 
when I saw a valley streamlet was so angrily dashing 
against the bridge poles, and the bridge itself was 
shaking so hard, as if it might be floated every 
second. It was not at all easy journey for me. 
And my kimonos and myself together were quite 
wet through. The weather cleared up in about 
thirty or forty minutes, and a clear moon appeared 
between the dark clouds. I was so happy, but my 
poor kimonos did not dry at all, and it was awfully 
uncomfortable. I arrived at my father's place 



70 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



early next morning. My sister was just there. 
I told them it was quite hopeless for me to stay 
with those people any longer. My father nodded 




I MET WITH SUCH A STRONG TEMPEST 

and said, " I know that, I know that. So never 
mind." 

My sister brought me a warm kimono and caressed 
me. Next day I had a very high fever, and they 
all were very sorry. My father sent my brother 



/ BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 71 

immediately to those people to inform them I 
had run away, and that now I was with him. 
I knew there were some troubles among them, 
but at last they came to the conclusion to put off 
all this matter until I grew up a little older. 

However, to avoid all sorts of trouble, I was sent 
to my old Art and Poetry teacher. There I stayed 
for a month or two. This time to his disappoint- 
ment I did not study the Chinese poetries any 
more, but I was only struggling with that magazine 
of English Self-Taught, Looking at this, my teacher 
made a poetry in which he expressed his sorrow 
that I should give up my classical study and go 
into the foreign language, which was so little use 
for me ! 

'' So little use for me ? " I said in my heart. 
** The English lesson is the foundation stone for 
my ambition." But I did not tell him my own 
opinion, because everybody round me opposed my 
ambition. 

Indeed, once or twice I told some people, '* I 
want to do something in this world, but our 
country is not quite large enough." Every one 
laughed at me. They used to call me " A dreaming 
Fool " or '' A Boy without Common Senses ! " 
Even my own brother began to lose his confidence 
with my '' foolishness." Only my father used to 
say how sorry he was, because he became too poor 



72 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

to fulfil my ambition. He often sighed, " Only 
if it were the time that I could easily afford that ! " 
I told him he must not worry about that, because 
I myself would do what I wanted to do. At that 
time I had an idea in my childish head. It was 
this, if one says he could not succeed his ambition 
because he has not money enough, I would call 
him a slave of money. If one says he could not 
because he is not strong enough, I would call him 
a slave of his body ; and if one says he could 
not because his relatives or friends would not let 
him do so, I would call him a slave of his neigh- 
bours. 

Indeed I had no money, and my health was so 
delicate, and all my neighbours were opposing 
against me. By no means could I be a slave of any 
of them ! 

I decided this in my heart so strongly, and even 
now (after more than twenty years) I am still 
sticking to this idea. 

Only I began at that time to feel too timid to 
tell that Art teacher of mine all my opinion, so 
I ran away from him again. 

My father's place was about nine miles away 
from Nagoya (the third biggest town in Japan), 
and there I found out a teacher who would teach 
me English lessons twice in a week. Of course 
it was quite a narrow rough road, and I had to 



/ BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 73 

walk all the way, and back. This did not last more 
than three or four months, for my father and 
brother both had to go and live in a very deep 
mountainous country called Higashi Kano — about 
forty miles away from Nagoya. But after some 
difficulty I got a situation as an assistant boy in 
a surveyance company in Nagoya. There I worked 
all sorts of map-drawings in daytime, and attended 
the evening class of an American Missionary 
School. I was so excited to learn English directly 
from American teachers. Of course there were 
some Japanese teachers too, to teach the trans- 
lation. But it was awfully hard work for me. 
At this time my brother wrote a letter to my 
father in which he said something like this : 

" Our proverb says, ' Human life is fifty years.' 
Now, I am nearly twenty-five, so half of my life 
might have passed, and I have not much hope 
in my future life. As I promised you some time 
ago, I have sacrificed my life as a school teacher 
to pay back all your debts. About this I have 
no complaining word to you. But my brother 
Heiji is still quite a young boy, and he is much 
broader in hope already at his young age. I hear 
he is working now. It is such a pity to ruin his 
hope. Let us assist him to go on the proper course 
of studying." 

My father sent me this letter, adding his own 



74 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



opinion that by some means they would put m.e 
into a Government college. 

I knew too well that they were still in a great 
debt, and their income was so small. 

Most difficult question for me was whether 




MY FIRST MEETING WITH AN AMERICAN MISSIONARY 

should I accept this and return them all their 
kindness when I succeed, or should I absolutely 
refuse this ? 

I went to Mr. linuma, my teacher friend, 
to ask his advice. There I met with another 
teacher, Mr. Ogawa, who was a friend of my 
brother. They said, " Why don't you come to 



/ BECOME AN ADOPTED SON 75 

our missionary college instead ? Of course the 
Government college has better literature and 
sciences, but if you want to learn the English 
conversation, our college is no less good, because 
American teachers will teach you. We shall keep 
you to study, and our American missionaries want 
a boy to sweep the schoolrooms every morning, 
and make his tuition free." I was so happy to 
accept this offer. 

It was December of 1887. 



CHAPTER VII 

I AM BAPTIZED 

T7R0M the very next day I took my new post. 
Our school was situated in Minami-Buhei- 
Cho (street) just on the back of Aichi-Kencho 
(the Government Buildings of Aichi District). 
The school building was an ordinary native resi- 
dence. All the mats were taken away and some 
hundred desks were put on the bare wooden floor. 
The two classrooms were divided by the sliding 
paper doors, and the Western style stoves were 
put in each room. 

I myself used to sleep in a little inn called Mikawa- 
Ya in Yaba Street, about a mile and half away. 
I was so excited to get this chance to study the 
English free. I could not sleep well with my 
over- joy. I used to get up about four o'clock and 
run up in the dark streets to the school and sweep 
the schoolroom by the lamplight. I had still 
more time (about one hour or so) before the lessons 
began. There was another residence attached to 
the school, and Mr. Ogawa (our Japanese teacher) 
lived there, so I used to work for him in the morn- 

76 



/ AM BAPTIZED 77 

ing — such work as to polish his boots, make bed, and 
brush his hats and cloth, etc. For which he gave 
me one yen (two shillings) a month. I was almost 
starving. But I did not worry much about my 
poverty. For I was only too delighted with my post. 
They had the night school. I attended to it as 
well. It was always twelve p.m. when I went 
back to my inn. I never walked, but always ran 
all the way. I used to meet the macaroni-sellers 
on a certain place. They were a poor old father 
and his kid. They shouted loud, "Udon-Kishi- 
men ! " (cooked macaroni and spagetti) alternately 
— the old father with deep voice and his boy with 
the childish high-pitched tone. Their voices 
and my sandalled foot-stepping sounds in mid- 
night became quite familiar and typical harmonious 
sounds to the town-people. Indeed, more than 
once, I overheard people talking inside their house 
— " Hark, that macaroni-seller and running foot- 
steps ! It must be after eleven o'clock." 

But about three or four months later the school 
people made an arrangement for mie to sleep in 
one of those rooms attached to the school, and 
gave me three yen (six shillings) a month, and I 
lived entirely on the boiled rice and pickles. 

There were two couples and one old lady 
American missionaries. I used to look upon them 
as very civilized and very honourable people, 



78 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

because they were from such a great country. 
And I thought the Christianity must be the most 
superior ethic, because all the most civilized 
nations in this world belonged to it. So I decided 
to investigate the Christianity, notwithstanding 
the surrounding people used to hate it and call it 
'' Yaso." The word " Yaso " came from Jesuit 
(I think), but it had double meaning — " mysterious 
and unpatriotic religion." 

Many of my friends asked me seriously, " Are 
you really going to be a ' Yaso' ? " 

I said, " Yes." And they were shocked very 
much. However, I attended the Sunday-school 
and the evening congregations at the missionaries' 
private house on every Friday. 

This meeting was held only for those who really 
desired to become " Yaso." There were about 
fifteen people. 

All the missionaries had lectures alternately, 
and Mr. linuma was their interpreter. As I was 
earnest to study the English I was so curious to 
hear how he translated each English word into 
Japanese. So my mind was quite absent from the 
religious matter. One Friday evening the head 
missionary said to us, " Now seeing all of you so 
earnest, I shall baptize you on next Sunday. But 
to-night I must ask each of you to tell me exactly 
what you feel." 



/ AM BAPTIZED 79 

There were several awful people. They flattered 
him unnaturally and insincerely. I got quite sick 
of them. But the missionaries seemed to be very 
pleased. 

He came to me next. I said, " Your honourable 
religion must be the best one in the world, but 
I am so miserably ignorant about it. Now I have 
only one fear, that your honourable God might 
not be pleased with my present mind." 

He said, " Excellent, splendid." 

I said again, '' Is it not a wiser way for me to 
wait until I study the Bible thoroughly ? " 

He said, " Not necessarily at all. Your sincere 
faith is vv^orthy to be baptized, and you see it is 
so m.uch better to study the Bible after being a 
Christian. The Bible is most difficult book to 
understand. Only God will help you when you 
have faith in Him." 

Then, I remember, there were several boys 
about the same age with me. They all copied 
me, and said, " We have exactly same idea with 
Master Yoshio Markino ! " 

All the missionaries were delighted. On Sunday 
morning, after the usual sermon, we fifteen of 
us had to stand near the altar and the two mission- 
aries had to baptize us. The head one had a few 
sheets of paper, on which all the catechisms were 
typed out in the Roman-spelling Japanese, and 



8o 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



his assistant missionary had a bowl full of water 
in his hands. The head one read his paper before 
each of us. His Japanese pronunciation was rather 
bad, and I could not catch the meaning well, but 
he whispered me that I ought to say " Yes " each 
time. So I did, and he poured the water from the 
bowl upon my head. Thus I have become a '' Yaso." 
I wrote all about this to my father. He wrote 
me back thus : " Yaso could not be any bad religion. 




THE HOUSE WHERE I WAS BAPTIZED 

considering that all the most civilized nations 
belong to it. Study it very carefully and seriously, 
and listen to all what the hon. missionaries explain 
to you. If you find out the truth in it, be most 
earnest Yaso. But don't become a hypocrite 
by all means. That is to say, if you could not 
believe even the slightest details in the doctrines, 
don't imitate yourself as an earnest Yaso. Give 
it up, even if it cost all your hopes. . . ." (In this 
he meant to give up my situation in that school.) 



/ AM BAPTIZED 



It was only a few days later I went to see my 
Japanese teacher, Mr. linuma. He said, " Now you 
are a Christian, can you believe your future life ? " 

I said, " What ? What do you mean by ' Future 
life ' ? " 

He smiled and said, " I thought you did not 
quite understand the Christian's faith. You see, 
all those missionaries are so happy, because they 
think that when they do good deeds in this world, 
they shall be sent to Paradise in their next life as 
their reward ! " 

" Really ? " 

*' Yes, really, truly. You have been at our 
Sunday-school several times. Have you not heard 
what they said to you ? " 

" Mr. linuma, I am very much ashamed of 
myself, but to tell you the truth I am so eager 
to learn the English, you know, therefore I was 
listening to your translation of each word to study 
English, and I never thought of what they were 
talking as a whole. Anyhow I thought the Chris- 
tianity was only a very high ethic." 

Here he laughed at me. 

" But tell me how they believe that." 

*' Well, they believe they all shall meet each 
other in heaven and live for ever ! " 

I sighed deeply, and I was astonished beyond 
the words. 



82 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Now I will tell the readers why. 

I thought in my boyish mind that all the civilized 
Westerners w^ere scientific, and they treated every 
philosophical question with their own science. 
I was often afraid that the Westerners might 
laugh at our Buddhists, because they are quite 
superstitious enough to believe in the future. 
What a great surprise to me to hear the Christians 
believed in their future life too ! 

" Are the Christians so superstitious then ? " 
I asked him. 

He said, *' You must not call them superstitious. 
They shall be offended ! " 

" And they do good deeds because they simply 
want to go to heaven ? " 

This last question came into my mind so naturally, 
because it is the spirit of Samurai to think that if it 
were the will of God, we are perfectly willing to 
suffer in the hell. 

Then I put the final question to Mr. linuma, 
" And have you yourself that Christian faith ? " 

He said, " Yes, I have. But very differently 
from that of the missionaries." 

" May I ask you that ? " 

linuma shook his head. " No, my faith is only 
for myself. Perhaps it might be wrong. Of 
course I shall tell you if you want very badly to 
hear, but I think the proper way for you is to 



/ AM BAPTIZED 83 

study from the missionaries directly. Anyhow 
you must read the Bible." 

He brought me a beautifully bound up Bible. 
I loved it dearly, because I had never se^n such a 
beautiful book before. 

From the next day I used to pray to God first, 
" Pray, let me understand Thy Holy Book." 
And I read it every morning and night. First 
I started the New Testaments, but many references 
were on the edges of each page. They all were 
quoted to the Old Testament. I thought it was 
better to read from the very beginning of Genesis. 
So I did. 

At the same time I belonged to a Bible-class 
which was held every Wednesday night at the 
missionaries' own room. Of course I had many 
doubts and curious questions in my heart, but I 
tried to be absolutely silent. I said to myself, 
" Be patient, and wait until you finish the whole 
Bible." 



CHAPTER VIII 

MY LIFE IN THE MISSIONARY SCHOOL 

/^NE day a Christmas box arrived from America 
^^ on the end of January, 1888. All the 
American missionaries said it was rather late, 
but all the same they were going to celebrate 
a Christmas on the first of February. We, all 
the schoolboys, did not know what was the Christ- 
mas tree, except our teacher, Mr. linuma, who 
had seen it in Yokohama before. He told us to 
get a big tree. So we all went to a hill about three 
miles away and brought a very big tree. The 
missionaries were delighted with its size. They 
began to decorate it with tinsel and candles, and 
bound up all the presents. We were told that 
we could bring any presents to the tree. I bought 
a few little things for my schoolmates and put 
some humorous remarks on each of them. In 
the evening, when a " Santa Claus " distributed 
presents, mine were the most successful. Every- 
body was burst in laughter. 

It was the next Christmas time. I had head- 
ache and went to bed early. My classmate Yamada 

84 



LIFE IN 7 HE MISSIONARY SCHOOL 85 

had his bed in my room. He brought in his friend 
Tokida. They were whispering, " What shall 
we do with Markino ? He always wins every- 
body's heart with his humour ; we must make 
some fun on him." 

One of them said, " Hush ! He might be listening 
to us." 

Tokida came near my bed and said, " All right, 
it is quite safe. He is sleeping fast ! " 

It was Yamada's idea that they should steal all 
my books and pack them up in brown paper and 
hang them on the Christmas tree. I was biting 
the edge of my bed-cloth to control my laughter, 
and I imitated myself as if I was sleeping. Then 
the boys went out for shopping, so I got up 
and locked my bookcase and stole some books 
of these two boys, and packed them in brown 
papers with these notes : " That what comes from 
you, that shall return back to yourselves." And, 
'' If you try to spit against the sky^ you shall receive 
it on your own face." 

When the " Santa Claus " distributed these to 
them they were very surprised. They gave me a 
nickname, " The Badger." 

At this time Rev. Klein was the head missionary. 
He and his wife both were very kind to me, and 
I was always too delighted to work under them. 
I would go to shopping or posting letters or all sorts 



86 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

of message for them, half-dozen times in a day. 
I was always running for my own joy, and I got 
a name, " Happy running boy." I also used to 
have walk on the fields outside the town, and gather 
clovers and all those wild flowers for Mrs. Klein, 
and she always gave me some cakes which she her- 
self cooked, and I soon began to be very much 
attached to them all. Alas, in eight months, time 
they were summoned back to America. 

I quite remember it was August 19th, 1888, when 
Rev. and Mrs. Klein were to leave us. At that 
time the Tokai-do Railway was not completed, 
so they had to take a small Inland-Sea steamer 
from Atsuta to Yokkaichi, then thence a larger 
steamer to Yokohama. 

I could not sleep all night of i8th. In the 
early dawn of the next morning rikshas were 
arriving at our gate by twos and threes, and by the 
time of starting there were more than fifty rikshas 
with people who were going to " see off our hon. 
missionaries." It was before the sunrise when 
we had riksha drive to Atsuta. Although it 
was the hottest season, the fresh morning air was 
quite cold to penetrate my thin summer kimono, 
and I was shivering when my riksha ran fast. 
Those early " birds " who were just opening their 
shop doors were amazed by the thunder-like sound 
of the rikshas, and watched us eagerly in silence. 



LIFE IN THE MISSION ART SCHOOL 87 

When we arrived at Atsuta Bay we found it 
was the low tide. The steamer was anchoring 
about three miles off. We hired four junks and 
rowed up to the steamer. Most of girl students 
were covering their faces with handkerchiefs. 
They looked very pale. I supposed some of them 
felt as sad as I was to miss our worshipped teachers, 



-1— dfci I P-'.-^-^J^-H 








AT ATSUTA BAY 



while some of them were seasick, and perhaps 
many suffered both. When we all reached to the 
steamer, Mrs. Klein said to me, " While we are 
away, you will be as good to the other missionaries 
as you have been to us, won't you ? " And Rev. 
Klein said to me, " We shall try to come back in 
one year's time. I am sure you will speak the English 
perfectly, and you will be a very earnest Christian 
by that time ? " 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



I nodded my head positively every time. 

" By the way," Rev. Klein continued, '' I have 
left a pair of my boots behind. You will find them 
in my bedroom. So you can wear them yourself." 

I thanked him very much. The steamer gave 
the last whistle and began to move slowly with 
the throbbing sound of her engine. Our small 
junks were floating on the white foam which the 
steamer left behind. The Kleins were waving 
their handkerchiefs until we could see them no 
more. There were three boys beside myself who 
missed our worshipped teachers extremely. One 
of them suggested to do fishing on the bay. We 
all agreed. It was such a splendid day for fishing. 
We caught a large basketful of fishes by the sunset 
time. My boy-friends seemed highly amused. I 
envied them very much. How nice that one could 
be forgetful so easily ! Although I was very fond 
of fishing, I could not enjoy it on that day. For 
some lumps grew in my throat, and I had to wipe 
my tears from time to time in spite of their laughter 
at me. 

In the evening when I came back I went into 
the bedroom where I found the boots which Rev. 
Klein told m.e about. I took a great care of them, 
and wore them for a whole year as his souvenir. 

Next year a '' Revival " v/as broken out in the 
other church. One of the members called upon 



LIFE IN JHE MISSIONARY SCHOOL 89 

me at midnight — about one a.m. He woke me 
up and said, " Now the Holy Ghost is upon us all. 
You too must not lose the chance to be converted 
by this miracle ! " 

Just at this very moment I had such an idea 
that it was quite impossible to understand the 
Bible with my own logic. Only the way to get 
the Christian faith should be through some wonder- 
ful revival which St. Paul had. Therefore I 
really believed it in my boyish mind, and attended 
to the prayer-meetings every evening. The 
missionaries had tears flowing so freely, and they 
were singing the hymns loudly. Some Japanese 
were crying and praying, while some were exclaiming 
that their souls were saved ! It was such a hysterical 
meeting. One evening they all came to me and 
said, " You always say you are very sincere to 
become a Christian. Now God is in this room. 
Pray Him to save you ! " 

I earnestly prayed. They asked me if I felt 
that I was saved. I said, " No." Then they 
surrounded me and said, " You are an evil. You 
are not sincere at all." 

Although I had certain philosophical brain 
in my early life, I was only a little boy after all. 
I did not know what to do, and I cried. Some of 
them shouted, " This boy is saved, because he is 
crying ! " 



90 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

It happened on one of these days that all the 
girl students (about eighteen in all) were gathering 
in a hall, and I was there too. I told them all 
my opinions, feelings, and everything. They 
seemed much affected, and showed me their 
sympathy in their expressions. Next day a teacher 
of the girl-school came and said, " Markino, 
you have done dreadful thing. All the girls are 
deserting our school. This morning I found 
none of them in their classroom ! '' 

The teachers went to their parents and begged 
them to send their daughters to the school again. 
It was some long time later that I learnt the girls 
were much affected with my speech, and decided 
to give up the missionary college. 

The " revival " was still going on ! And to 
my surprise I found out many dirty immoralities 
among them. One school teacher was a *' re- 
vivalist " because he wanted a higher salary from 
the missionary, and some had improper behaviour 
with other's wife, etc. etc. I got sick of them 
after all. 



CHAPTER IX 

MY STUDY OF THE BIBLE 

TV/TEANWHILE my Bible lessons were getting 
on day after day. 

Now let me write my first boyish impression 
on the Old Testament. 

I enjoyed Genesis and Exodus very much, 
because they are so primitive. In a way they 
resemble our Kojiki (Kojiki is the primitive History 
of Japan). About Solomon^s wise judgment I 
may give the readers an awfully similar story in 
Japan. There was a great judge called 0-Oka. 
He had done innumerous wonderful judgments. 
Once two " mothers " came into his court and 
they both claimed to be the mother of a little 
heir. 0-Oka put the baby between the two women, 
and said to them, " Pull this baby hard ; one who 
gets hold of him shall be his mother." The forgery 
mother pulled the baby hard. But the real mother 
cried, " He is not my baby, so you keep him." 
She did not touch the baby. 0-Oka said immedi- 
ately, " I see the real mother's love in this woman's 
heart." 

91 



92 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I enjoyed the Book of Job immensely. 

Perhaps we all Japanese boys liked Ecclesiastes 
most because it is very like our philosophy, and from 
the literature point of view it is nearest to our own 
way. 

It was very pleasant to read on too. 

Now about the Book of Ruth. Well, I cannot 
express my feelings with my poor English. I 
felt as if some strings came out from the book 
and tied up my head and heart together, and pulled 
them towards the page. Even now her sweetness 
and loyalty to her mother-in-law is one of the 
great revelations to my ethical mind. 

By the way, Japan has had many wonderful 
histories of the loyal wives, when the latter per- 
formed the bushido beautifully, and indeed Ruth 
was a real bushido too. 

But Psalms I was rather disappointed with. 
I heard a great deal of it as " the most beautiful 
writing." If one reads it with full religious faith, 
it may sound sweet and beautiful to him. To 
me the literature value of Shi-kyo (the ancient 
Chinese Odes) seemed far above the Psalms ! 
(I am afraid the Japanese translation of the Psalms 
was a failure.) 

When I had read about two-thirds of the Old 
Testament I went into the New Testament at 
the same time. 



MT STUDT OF THE BIBLE 93 

The latter was a great disappointment for me. 
Of course the Sermon on the Mountain is very 
high ethic, but these were not new lessons to me. 
Many Oriental philosophers have talked about the 
ethics equal to that sermon long, long ages before. 

Perhaps the reader may be interested if I translate 
a few passages in the book of Mencius here. 

" All the human beings have their own conscience. 
The conscience has sympathy. Suppose there is a 
baby crawling round an old well, and she is just 
falling down into the well. Even a thief would 
pick her up immediately. Why ? It is not because 
he wanted a reward from the baby's parents. It 
is not because he was afraid that people would 
talk badly about him if he did not rescue the baby. 
It is all because his conscience demands him to 
rescue the baby at the moment. Well, then, let this 
very conscience grow in each human. You shall 
become very virtuous in the end. But you must 
neither neglect nor pull up the conscience. 

" Once upon a time there was a foolish peasant. 
He neglected to manure his rice-field. In a 
few weeks' time he found out his rice-plants 
were much smaller than those of his neighbour. 
He began to worry about it. One evening he came 
back from the rice-field and said to his family, 
* I am so tired, for I worked very hard all day to 
make the rice-plants to grow.' 



94 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

'* His boy exclaimed, ' Whatever has my father 
done to-day ? ' 

"The boy went to see the rice-field, and, alas! 
all the rice-plants were dead, because his father 
pulled them up to the same height with his neigh- 
bour's." 

I must add a few words to Mencius. 

If one neglects his conscience, it will never 
grow. If one tries to pull up his conscience, 
it will die immediately. It is the coward who 
neglects to let his conscience grow, and it is the 
hypocrite who tries to pull up and kill his con- 
science. 

Mencius said, " When we seek it, we shall get 
it, and when we abandon it, we shall lose it, be- 
cause it is necessary thing, and it is within us." 

(By this he meant such as virtue, charity, and 
all high ethics.) 

" But there is something which we can only 
get by some certain way, and although we seek 
it earnestly, we often cannot get it. Because 
it is not always necessary for our life ; it is without 
us." 

(By this he meant such thing as wealth, fame, etc.) 

Mencius said, " Every necessary thing for our 
life is prepared within our hearts. Be always 
sincere to your own conscience, nothing could be 
greater happiness than that." 



MT STUDT OF THE BIBLE 95 

I quite agreed that we all humans were " sinners " ; 
but a serious question sprang up from the inner 
side of my heart, " Why was the blood of Jesus 
Christ needed for the salvation of our souls ? " 

Some ancient Chinese philosopher said, " Is 
there any one in this world who is quite perfect ? 
Nay, there is none. Therefore we must not argue 
each other's faults. One who repents his faults is 
really great." 

Does this not sound so sweet to forgive each 
other in this way ? 

But here in the New Testament Christ talks of 
saving the souls by His own blood ! And what ? 
He calls Himself God ? 

I studied all those references on the edge of 
the pages very carefully. What I found out from 
them was that the references from them were 
references between the blood of Christ and of 
sheep. That is to say, the Israels used to sacrifice 
sheep to worship God, and pray His pardon for 
their sins. And later Christ took the part of sheep. 
Very well ! Confucius said, " Those who are 
making * yu ' shall be cursed " (" yd " is a doll 
which people used to bury together with the dead 
nobles as the latter's companion in the grave) ; 
because Confucius was afraid that the people 
might get too sentimental, and some day they 
might bury a real living human together instead 



96 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

of '' y^ " ! Buddha himself hated to kill even a 
small insect. 

Then why should a precious human be sacrificed 
to save our souls ? I felt that the Christian God 
who needed the blood sounded rather savage ! 
At least I thought it was savage to imagine the God 
in that way. 

The missionary used to bring a big book to our 
Bible-class. I asked him what it was. He said 
it was Dr. Clarke's Commentary of the Bible. 
I asked him to lend it to me. I began to study 
it, but I found out that book was written abso- 
lutely for the Christian scholars who have faith 
in the Bible, and not for such people like myself, 
who have never heard about Christ before. So 
that book did not help me much after all. 

I came to the conclusion to ask this question 
/ to the missionary. (Beside that I had many more 
I questions though.) 

I If the blood of Christ was so necessary for the 
/ salvation, why has the Almighty God sent Christ 
/ in such a small district alone ? And why did He 
1 not let us, the Eastern nations, know that be- 
fore ? Don't you see, we, the Eastern nations, 
have had quite thick population long time before 
Christ. Were those souls not saved then ? And 
why ? 

But now, admitting the salvation of Christ, 



MT STUDT OF THE BIBLE 



97 



hadn't Judas Iscariot and those soldiers who 
crucified Christ fulfilled the will of God to kill 
Christ ? You say the crucifixion of Christ was 
necessary, and yet do you say those who killed 
Christ were the sinners ? Don't you think you 
are contradicting your own logic ? 

Some missionaries were going to " pray." 

I said, " No, no, no, no. Don't make such an 
awful artificially trembling voice in front of me. 
But kindly teach me ! " 

Some missionary said, " You have read too many 
bad books. That has made you an evil. Give 
up all those horrible philosophical books and read 
only the Bible." 

One of them expressed his suspicion that some 
" bad " Buddhist priest or philosopher was backing 
me and persuading me to put them into a great 
trouble. 

One old lady missionary called me " very in- 
sincere " boy, and she said, " Perhaps you believe 
Darwin's theory too much. You know Darwin 
said we, the humans, are the descendants of animals. 
I think you are a descendant of pigs or don- 
keys, but we Americans are the children of 
God." 

I never forget her own insincerely sneering 
face. I was almost crying. I said, '' Why are 
all you honourable missionaries suspecting me 

H 



98 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

in that way ? Can't you see how sincere I am ? 
Have I ever tried to oppose against the Chris- 
tianity ? Nay, I am studying the Bible with all 
my heart and soul. I am trying to make myself 
a Christian. Only I cannot understand the Bible, 
and I am asking what I could not understand with 
my own knowledge." 

My tears were streaming out. 

One missionary said, " If you are so earnest, 
why don't you pray to God ? He will show you 
the way." 

I said, '' How could I pray without knowing 
the real God ? It is written in the Bible that 
Christ said, ' Don't worship any idol.' Suppose 
if I imagined a God in my heart, and that imagina- 
tion of mine was wrong, he is a god no longer, but 
an idol ; only I don't carve this imaginative idol 
with material, that is all the difference. How could 
I pray to such an idol against the words of the 
Bible ? " 

One of them seemed rather angry and said, 
" The best way for this sickening boy is to send 
for a doctor. He is not quite right." 

Mr. linuma soothed them and said, " Please treat 
this poor boy more kindly. He is quite young, 
and only so earnest. If he gets faith once, he may 
become most useful evangelist." 



MT STUDT OF THE BIBLE 99 

A JAPANESE IDEA ON CHRISTIANITY 

linuma took me to his house. 

" Well, Markino San," he said, " such are those 
ignorant missionaries. I am very sorry for you. 
Don't you remember I told you about one year 
ago that my Christian faith is different, and that 
you should better study from the missionaries ? 
I said that because my motto on the religion is, 
" One who is contented with a small thing is the 
happiest." Our faith is just like the water in a 
bowl. If the bowl is small, small quantity of water 
will make it full. But if it is large, more water 
is needed to fill it up. I did wish for your own 
sake that you could get into faith quite easily. 
However, I find out that your heart is too large 
to fill up faith from the missionaries' lectures. 
Mine is just like yours. That is our fate. I had 
a great struggle, and finally got such different 
faith from the ordinary Christians. I cannot 
believe many words in the Bible. But remember 
the religion is entirely different from the philos- 
ophies. You must not argue everything with 
your logic. It is by faith. Christ said, ' You can 
save yourselves only by your own faith.' Let 
your God be so-called ' idol ' by you. It does not 
matter. If you have faith in Him, He is the real 
God, and if you don't, He is merely an idol. Per- 



100 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

haps you don't know what is the Buddhism. It is 
just same with the Christianity. 

" Once upon a time there was an old woman 
in a little village. She was hopelessly ignorant, 
but had devoted faith in Buddha. Some wicked 
boys wanted to play a joke on her. They hid 
themselves behind the Buddha's image in a temple. 
When this old woman came to worship the Buddha, 
one of those boys shouted to her, ' Behold, there 
will be a big flood in this village, and all villagers 
shall be perished. But, old woman, you are so 
faithful, therefore I, Buddha, will save your life 
and all your property. I, Buddha, will let you 
know when that flood will be. Come to that 
bridge in front of my temple every morning and 
watch. If you see a blood stain on that bridge, 
that is the sign of flood.' 

" The old woman thanked the Buddha's image 
and promised to be very faithful. Since then she 
used to go to that sacred bridge every morning. 
Those wicked boys were laughing at her to be 
deceived so easily. One morning they stained 
the bridge with chicken's blood. The old woman 
said, ' Now the flood is coming ! ' She took all 
her property on a hill and deserted her house. 
On the very same evening the dyke of a large lake 
on the hill was corrupted quite accidentally, 
and the flood swept away whole village. Only 



MT STUDr OF THE BIBLE loi 

this ignorant but most faithful woman alone was 
saved. 

" Now, you see, Markino, what faith does 
mean." 

Then he opened the New Testaments and 
we read some chapters of the Acts. It was the part 
of St. Paul, and I learnt how much he opposed 
against the Christianity when he was called Saul, 
and how he was converted on the way to Damascus, 
and how earnest an evangelist he became ! 

linuma said to me, " I am sure St. Paul was 
the favourite of God, even in those days when he 
was Saul, because he was quite sincere to his own 
conscience. If God wants one to be a Christian 
He will demand him so. Therefore you yourself 
be always sincere. This world is no more than 
biology, and the battle between so-called ' good ' 
and ' bad.' That is to say, everything is growing 
by biology and everybody is fighting for their 
own existence against each other's will, ' good ' 
and ' bad.' 

" This fighting is just like chess or draught players. 
Some philosophical bystander may laugh at the 
players being so eager to win, and he may say, 
' What is the matter with you ? It's only a game ! ' 
It sounds awfully clever, but he is wrong. Some 
philosophers call this world ' Fiction,' and it is 
a fiction indeed. But, after all, we all are humans, 



102 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

and have human bodies and human feeHngs, 
therefore if we are sincere, we ought to fight 
against evil very earnestly. That is the reason 
I have become a Christian, to fight against all 
the evils. Of course the Buddhism would do quite 
well for this purpose. But remember, the Buddhism 
has been in our country so long. They are getting 
more ' in form ' while the Christianity is so fresh 
and has more life to us. It will wake up all those 
people with corrupted morals." 

I was much interested with his theory, and I 
used to visit him very often, and we always had 
very lively discussions. I came back to my con- 
science, and thought that I was quite wrong to 
judge such a big question with my little knowledge. 
I began to listen to everybody and to all the 
missionaries' sermons in dead silence. Very often 
I wanted to put serious questions upon the 
missionaries, but something always whispered in 
my ear, *' No, no, wait until you grow up." The 
missionaries seemed to be very pleased with me, 
because I did not give any troubles again. At 
the same time I studied my English lessons very 
hard. 

At this time the missionaries persuaded us the 
schoolboys to organize Y.M.C.A., and some of 
my classmates began their preaching in some 
halls or in the streets. I opposed against them 



MT STUDr OF THE BIBLE 103 

most seriously. I said to them, " What ! You, 
little boys in your early teenth, preach the public ? 
How dare you do such things without any know- 
ledge in your heads ? We, all boys, are quite blind 
yet. The blinds shall never be able to guide the 
others. You may give them some harm, but not 
any harvest, by all means. On the other hand, 
the time is very precious for us, the young boys, 
to study more, and if you are running about for 
nothing, you shall never attain any knowledge all 
your life. I am sure the time will come some day 
that you shall repent." 

Their answer was, " Our hon. missionaries want 
us to do that, and we must obey them ! " 

I said, " O, ignorant missionaries are ruining our 
country ! " 

Only two boys had the same opinions with me. 
They were Kawai and Yamada. Strange to say, 
I had good news of these two. Kawai is the Post- 
master-General of Yokohama, and Yamada is a very 
successful business man in Tokio nov/. But those 
Y.M.C.A. boys have done nothing all these long 
years. 



CHAPTER X 

SOME MISSIONARIES— GOOD AND BAD 

nr^O my great delight, Mr. John Ballagh came 
to Nagoya and had a preaching in a hall. 
He was one of the three elder Americans who 
came to Japan quite early. The other two were 
Mr. Hepburn and Mr. Birbeck. They often had 
very narrow escape under the swords of those anti- 
foreigner members. In his preaching Mr. Ballagh 
told us with his excellent Japanese all about his 
early experiences in Japan. 

I knew him by the name some long time before, 
and I used to worship him as one of the great men. 

No sooner than he finished his speech I ventured 
and introduced myself to him, and said to him, 
" I have some great question in my heart about 
the Christianity, for which I have never got any 
satisfaction, and I often succumb into restlessness. 
Now I am so happy to meet you. I sincerely 
beseech you to guide me through all these 
difficulties." 

He said he was going to stay in Nagoya only for 
three days more, but he would be delighted to 

104 



SOME MISSIONARIES— GOOD W BAD 105 

see me every morning at nine o'clock during his 
stay. 

Next morning I went to his room with my class- 
mate Yamada, whose mind was in the same state 
with mine. 

First of all I told him how I had been studying 
the Bible and how difficult it was to believe Christ 
as the Son of God. Also I told him what linuma 
said to me. 

Mr. Ballagh gave us such a tender smiling and 
patted our shoulders, saying in Japanese, " 0-Koni 
no Wakai O Kata, makotomi kanshin shimasu ! " 
(I sincerely admire the Hon. young men in your 
Hon. Country.) " You are well educated and very 
philosophical. I am so shamefully ignorant of your 
high philosophies. Neither do I understand the 
Bible thoroughly. How good was that which Mr. 
linuma said to you ! Indeed, we Christians have 
nothing but Faith unto God. Through this Faith 
I have been perfectly happy all the time. I feel I 
am blessed by God. Have you read all the Holy 
Gospels ? " 

" No." 

" Oh, that is more important than the Old 
Testament. That is the book you shall get Faith 
in God." 

" No, no, Mr. Ballagh, that is the book I cannot 
believe." 



io6 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

He smiled, and said, " Let us read it now." He 
opened the fourteenth chapter of St. John. He 
started the first paragraph : " Let not your heart 
be troubled," etc. etc. We three had to read alter- 
nately. Paragraph 8 was his turn : " Philip saith 
unto Him, Lord, shew us the Father, and it suf- 
ficeth us." "There you see Philip made the same 
question as you ; and let us see what the next para- 
graph says. Then we came to this paragraph : " If ye 
shall ask anything in My name, ye shall receive it." 

Here Mr. Ballagh said, " Now let us pray." We 
all kneeled down and prayed. 

Next two mornings we had the Bible reading 
just the same. I enjoyed fifteenth chapter of St. 
John, too. But Mr. Ballagh said, " Perhaps Romans 
would suit you Japanese best." And so it was. 
For instance, fifteenth paragraph of twelfth 
chapter : " Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and 
weep with them that weep." We have exactly 
same motto in Japan : " Grieve before any neigh- 
bours grieve, and rejoice after every one has re- 
joiced ! " 

Perhaps I was most interested in fourteenth 
chapter of Romans : 

(i) " Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, 
but not to doubtful disputation, 

(2) " For one believeth that he may eat all 
things : another, who is weak, eateth herbs. 



SOME MISSIONARIES— GOOD l^ BAD 107 

(3) " Let not him that eateth despise him that 
eateth not ; and let not him which eateth not 
judge him that eateth : for God hath received 
him." 

On the third morning Mr. Ballagh said that it 
was the last morning and that he regretted much 
for not being able to stay with us any longer. How- 
ever philosophical or logical I might be, I was only 
a young boy, after all. Therefore I was much moved 
by his paternal love. It was very difficult for me to 
keep away from my tears. 

A few days passed since he went away to his 
home in Yokohama, and every morning I felt to 
miss him more and more. I wrote him that if I 
could live near him and see him every day I might 
be able to become an earnest Christian, so I was 
intending to go to Yokohama. 

He answered me immediately. 

Unfortunately I have lost his letter, but the 
meaning was something like this : " I am very 
happy to think that my little lecture had so much 
effect upon you. I thoroughly understand that you 
young children want to be under some elder per- 
son's kind leading. Indeed, I love you dearly, but 
remember I am only a human same with you. And 
we all are the Children of God. His Love is a thou- 
sand times more than mine. Therefore I don't see 
any necessity for you to live with me. But read 



io8 JVHEN I WAS A CHILD 

the New Testament ; you shall get the eternal 
happiness. If you don't understand anything, ask 
your own Missionary teachers. They are as good 
as myself." 

I showed this letter to Yamada, and said, " I am 
sure it was all our own fault to think those mission- 
aries are rotten. Mr. Ballagh can speak Japanese 
so well, therefore we can realize his kindness. All 
other missionaries must be as good as he is. Only 
they cannot speak Japanese well, and our English is 
miserably poor. That is the reason we often mis- 
understand each other. Let us study the English 
very hard, and at the same time read the New 
Testament, too." 

Yamada and I read the New Testament all 
through, and we repeated again and again those 
chapters which Mr. Ballagh showed us. 

We tried to have Faith in the Bibles and the 
Missionaries both. But, alas ! both were quite 
failures. As long as I tried to be sincere to my 
own conscience I could not believe Christ, only I 
envied those who could have faith, because it must 
be the happiest thing for them. 

About the Christian Faith I am intending to 
write one chapter later on, so I am not going to 
talk of it now. 

About those missionaries we began to observe 
many rotten things day after day, although we 



SOME MISSIONARIES— GOOD iff BAD 109 

tried hard to respect them. Surely they were not 
same with Mr. Ballagh ! 

First of all, there were many missionaries repre- 
senting each their own sects, such as Methodist 
Protestants, Methodist Episcopal Congregation, 
Presbyterian, Baptist, etc. etc. They all were 
mocking, fighting and attacking each other. They 
often told us, the schoolboys, about some bad 
thing of their own brothers and sisters in the 
different sects. It was simply sickening. Then their 
behaviour of the money matter was still worse. 

Here I sincerely admit that there were many bad 
merchants and riksha-men in Japan. They used to 
cheat the foreign tourists, and perhaps this was too 
much impressed in the missionaries' heads. How- 
ever, I must freely say the missionaries were abso- 
lutely wrong as well. 

For instance, there was a riksha ride from 
Atsuta to our school in Nagoya. It was two miles 
and a half. Some well-to-do Japanese gentlemen 
would pay from 15 sens up to 20 sens. And even 
we poor schoolboys used to pay 12 sens. I think 
that was the lowest possible fare at that time (it 
was over twenty years ago, and now it must be 
much higher). But those missionaries always en- 
gaged the rikshas without settling the payment, 
and when they got off they paid only 10 sens, and 
banged the door and went into their house. The 



no WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

riksha-men shouted " Tarimasen, Tarimasen ! " 
(Not enough, not enough !). They would knock 
the door. The missionaries never took any notice 
of that. I often heard some rough riksha-men 
shouting, " O you Hon. Foreign Thieves ! Fancy 
you treat us Hke this, and then on Sundays you 
preach v^ith crying voices in the Church ! Who 
could believe you, the Hypocrites ? " 

It was unbearable for me to listen to. Several 
times I tried to negotiate them. I begged the mis- 
sionaries to pay the proper fare. They always said 
to me, " Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta ! Anata amari yakanea- 
shii ! " (You too noisy). It was hopeless. 

At that time I quite decided in my childish mind 
that some day I must appeal to the whole world, 
especially to the Americans at home, who were 
sending these missionaries. Of course, this is an old 
story of some eighteen or nineteen years ago, and I 
sincerely hope it is not like this to-day. 

I may add one more story in China, which I 
heard from one of my Japanese friends. He had 
travelled inside of China and then came to London. 
Our conversation turned into the subject of the 
anti-foreign feeling in China. He exclaimed with 
emphasy, '^ Oh, it was those ignorant Missionaries' 
fault ! You see, those real gentlemen in China 
would never be converted into Christians. They 
are either Confucians or Buddhists. Only some 



SOME MISSIONARIES— GOOD ^ BAD in 

ruffians would come to the missionaries : they have 
too much debts to pay, or they commit thefts or 
robbery, sometimes even murder. Then they make 
the Christian chapels as their refuge. They tell the 
missionaries that they are converted, and when 
those good people who had suffered from these 
ruffians come to claim them, the refugees creep to 
the missionaries and beg their help, saying, ' These 
pagans come to attack us because we are converted 
Christians.' The ignorant missionaries would not 
hand these ' Christians ' to the ' pagans.' This is 
the origin of all the trouble in China." 

Such is the story I was told. Although I have 
confidence in my Japanese friend, I must say I 
cannot have all the responsibility in this matter at 
the present moment. For the question is rather 
too big to rely upon only the third person's tongue. 
Some day if I have chance to go to China certainly 
I shall witness this matter with my own eyes, and 
give the world my confirmation whether it is accu- 
rate information or not. Anyhow, I feel it is worth 
for the missionary board to take the precaution 
about it, all the same. 

Now, returning to my old missionary school, the 
head missionary had imported his newly married 
wife from America. They both were quite young. 
However, their awfully sticky behaviour was too 
irritable to^our Japanese eyes. During the lesson 



112 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

hours in the classrooms the wife was always sitting 
on her husband's lap, and they embraced each other 
and were kissing all the time, so busy to kiss that the 
teacher could not answer to the questions by the 
students. Some schoolboys were very indignant. 
They said, " It is beyond the words. They must 
be thinking us the Japanese no more than cats or 
dogs, because before the humans they ought not to 
show such behaviour." 

Most of them began to strike, and left the school 
altogether. 

I said, '' Let them think we are cats and dogs if 
they like. At the present moment I myself find no 
other way to study the English lessons, so I shall 
persevere." 

On Sundays they often did not turn to the sermon 
at all. All the congregation had to wait one or two 
hours for nothing, then they were dispersed for 
their disappointment. 



CHAPTER XI 

MY HARD LIFE FOR THE STUDY 

/^NE day that newly married missionary said 
^^^ that it was his intention to discontinue the 
school because he came to Japan only to preach 
and he could not find the time to teach English. 
That was the end of everything, and I had to go 
back and join to my father and brother in a deep, 
mountainous village. It was quite out of the world, 
and I felt rather gloomy. My father told me his 
debts were getting less and less, and if I waited 
another year he would send me to Tokio to study. 
But to me at that time one year seemed ever, ever 
so long. One day I had a walk in a deep valley and 
I saw a little streamlet. The water was running 
incessantly between the rocks and grasses. I 
watched it, and I was in a serious mood. I said to 
myself, " Look at that water. It has to run round 
all those curves, but as it never stops it will go 
through all those wide valleys, and some day it will 
join to the grand ocean. O let me work, too ! 
Although I cannot see a glimpse of my ambition 
now, some day I shall be able to go out to a grand 
I 113 



114 WHEN I F/JS A CHILD 

ocean. Let there be any amount of rocks and 
precipices, I shall go round and round them all. 
Only I must not waste time in vain ! " 

I thought the first important thing for me was 
to learn the English. But it was difficult for me to 
study without teachers. After two months' time 
I had a letter from Mr. linuma : " My dear Master 
Markino, nevertheless our missionary's opinion is 
different, we, all the Japanese teachers, have de- 
cided to reopen our school. We are going to work 
voluntarily without salaries for a while. We hear 
some more superior teachers are coming from 
America in a few months, and we are going to build 
a new school, too. I believe it would be better for 
you to join to our school than to be in such a lonely 
village. Come immediately, although we all are 
poor, we shall do our best for you. You know how 
we all are fond of you," etc. etc. 

I was quite excited, and came out to Nagoya next 
day. 

The missionary Vv^anted a copy of his preaching- 
book in Japanese. He suggested to " let Markino 
copy a book for a few sens." It was about ninety 
pages, and he said, " Do that within a week ! " I 
thought a whole week lessons were far more valuable 
than a few sens. But I could not refuse, because 
my head was quite Japanese then, and I thought I 
must be very loyal to my Hon. teacher. Yet I could 




*»^* 



A LITTLE STREAMLET IN HIGASHIKAMO 



MT HARD LIFE FOR THE STUDT 115 

not waste a whole week. Therefore I decided to 
get rid of it in a night. I started my work at five 
or six in the evening, and I tried to write as quick 
as possible for all night. The whole book was 
done hy eight o'clock next morning. Mr. linuma 
came to the school and saw me first. He stared at 
me with half admiration and half amazement. 
" I know your nature quite well, so I must not be 
surprised at it, but, my dear child, you must not 
kill yourself." 

He took that book to the missionary. The mis- 
sionary said, quite thoughtlessly and heartlessly, 
'' If Markino could work so quickly, let him do 
more copies." linuma was very indignant. He ex- 
plained to the missionary how I valued the time for 
studying, and begged him not to give more works 
to me. 

This time I was very, very poor. I had money 
scarcely enough to have my daily meals. I could 
not afford to buy an Anglo-Japanese Dictionary. I 
used to study my English lesson when some of my 
classmates were gone for walk, and I used their 
dictionary. Not only the dictionary, but many 
lesson-books, too. 

The summer had come. One who has not been 
in Japan does not know how many mosquitoes we 
have in summer. Well, I could not buy a mosquito- 
net. It was impossible to sleep without a net. 



ii6 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Therefore I studied all the night-time. Mosquitoes 
were good encouragement to wake me up from 
sleepness. And I slept in the daytime after the 
school hours. It was getting cold later, and I had 
not enough bed-cloth, so I slept with all my day 
clothes on. 

There was a very funny incident about it. A 
missionary was removing from one house to another, 
and some heavy carpet was left. So I had this 
carpet over my bed one night. It smelt so dusty 
and it was too heavy, and I felt pain in every bone 
the whole next day. 

This time I suffered both bodily and mentally. 
Perhaps the mental suffering was more trying for 
me. That is to say, the question of the Christian 
Faith. Mencius alone was my consolation then : 
" When the Heaven v/ants to perform a great duty 
in this world, first of all He makes one's heart suffer, 
one's muscles and bones worn out, one's stomach 
hungry, and, moreover. He would make one dis- 
appointed in every attempt to succeed : all because 
one must know how to persevere himself, and how 
to sympathize his neighbours, and after that one 
can do what the ordinary people cannot." In my 
boyish mind I had such confidence that the Heaven 
would give me a great duty in future. Therefore 
I was quite contented with all my difficulties. But 
sometimes the trial was too great for me to conquer, 



MT HARD LIFE FOR THE STUDT 117 

and I often felt quite blue. Only the person whom 
I told everything was my favourite teacher Mr. 
linuma. I used to visit on him almost every day, 
and I said to him, " I feel I am such a strong Con- 
servative. For I am always looking backward to 
my early life. It is so sweet to recollect my past 
life when I was seven or eight, and my present life 
is awfully acid." 

linuma used to say that it all depended on my 
condition. " At your early life you had quite com- 
fortable time. But now you have lost your dearest 
mother, and you are extremely poor. Remember 
one always recollects his most comfortable time. 
One day, when you fulfil your ambition and marry, 
you will be perfectly happy, and you will worship 
your wife as much as your deceased mother ! " 

I think I was very much impressed by his lecture. 
That was why I used to think of marriage until only 
a few years ago. But who knew my hard life should 
have to last for nearly twenty years more ? 

Within four or five months after the Japanese 
teachers reopened the school voluntarily we had a 
happy news that some more American teachers 
arrived, and immediately they started to build a 
magnificent new school. 

But those new American teachers were disappoint- 
ing, for they were quite uneducated, ignorant people 
as usual. Here is a very comical story. We had a 



ii8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

physics lesson three times a week, and Stuart's 
Physics was used as the technical book. The reader 
would remember this book well. In the chapter on 
Gravity, Velocity, and Force, Stuart explained the 
movement of the moon, using easy plain geometry, 
and also in the chapter of Magnets he introduced 
most elementary Trigonometry. To our surprise, 
that American teacher evidently had no knowledge 
of even such elementary Geometry or Trigo- 
nometry. He could not explain them at all ; while 
we, the schoolboys, understood them thoroughly. 
We laughed, and the teacher blushed his face. 
Some of my classmates said, " It is too ridiculous 
to look upon such an ignorant person as our 
teacher." 

I said, " You are only too true. But remember 
if you want a jolly good lesson, you had better go to 
our Government College, where you meet the best 
professors. Here we are learning the English con- 
versation directly from the real Americans. I really 
think it is awfully good exercise of the English con- 
versation to have such a hot discussion on our 
lessons." 

However, it happened that all the teachers were 
to have a Faculty meeting, and one of them asked 
us if we, the schoolboys, had any complaining, to 
write it down and send it to that meeting. 

We wrote a note saying, " We have recognized 



MT HARD LIFE FOR THE STUDT 119 

Mr. v., the new teacher, is not a scientist, therefore 
we object to have the physics lesson from him." 

One of the teachers read our note at the Faculty 
meeting. Mr. V. was frightfully hurt, and all the 
others did not know what to do. Two Japanese 
teachers came to us and asked us to apologize to 
Mr. V. I think one boy did so ; but all the others 
could not agree to it. 

I said, " Let us strike ! " I wrote a note on the 
blackboard in our classroom, '' We orphanage boys 
know not whom to look upon as our worshipped 
teacher." 

Then we did not attend the school, but marched 
on to the Mount Yagoto. There we had a whole 
day picnic. 

Mr. linuma came to us and said, " Well, dear 
young men, I thoroughly understand you. But 
remember, those missionaries come far from 
America. They are Hon. guests to our country. 
Therefore you should have treated them more 
kindly." We all apologized to Mr. linuma very 
sincerely. 

linuma had to teach us the Japanese literature, 
and it was this time I learnt Kogiki, Tosa Nikki, 
Genji-Monogatari, etc. etc. I was so fond of those 
ancient Japanese classics. linuma often said to me, 
" Well, Markino San, you always bring out difficult 
questions at the Bible-class, why do you keep your- 



120 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

self so quiet in this class ? Don't you understand 
the Japanese classics ? " 

I said, '' On the contrary, I love these books so 
much. They get into my heart smoothly, and I 
have no questions at all." 

Indeed, in this lesson I learnt the humanity more 
than ever. 

There was a young man from my own village, and 
he entered into the Medical College in the same 
town. One day he attempted to commit suicide 
and failed. The cause for his suicide was a very silly 
reason. All my boy-friends visited on this medical 
student at a hospital. They argued me saying, 
" Isn't that student from your own village ? Isn't 
he your dear friend ? Don't you know he is quite 
ill ? Why don't you visit him ? " 

" Nonsense ! " was my reply to every one. " If 
he met with accident, certainly I should visit him 
and give my sincere sympathy. But he did try to 
commit suicide and he could not succeed. What 
could I say to him ? Only the words I may tell him 
are, I am sorry he could not succeed with his will. 
And if he ever had a manly spirit, surely he would 
be too ashamed to face me while he is in such a 
condition. Of course I do not wish him to die. 
Only I want him to get rid of such a silly idea. I 
shall wait until he will be quite recovered and 
then I shall continue my friendship with him just 



MT HARD LIFE FOR THE STUDT 121 

same as before. But I dare not utter a single word 
about his stupid attempt." 

Some boys agreed with me, but those so-called 
" Earnest Christian " boys attacked my opinion, 
and said I was heartless. And I lamented, " Indeed, 
the Christianity is destroying our Bushido and 
making these youngsters so weak-minded ! " 



CHAPTER XII 

FURTHER EXPERIENCES IN A MISSIONARY 
SCHOOL 

/^N one of these days I went to a seashore with 
^^^ a missionary and learnt how to swim — to say 
more correctly, " to float," for I only began to 
lift my head above the water, and I could not go on. 
Next day I came back to the school and I went to 
Yada River with a school servant called Masu-San. 
There was a tunnel for water some three hundred 
yards under the Yada River. Masu-San and I 
began to swim near the gate of that tunnel. Sud- 
denly I realized that I could swim quite well. So I 
wanted to swim through to the other gate. But 
above the river there was a bridge and road with 
full traffic, and I did not want to come back through 
this bridge quite naked. I asked Masu-San to take 
all my kimonos to the other side. 

Masu-San refused, and said it was too dangerous 
for me to swim through the tunnel. I said, " O, 
you coward rabbit ! If you object to take my 
kimonos, it would not make any difference to me. 
I shall swim all the same." 

122 



MISSIONART SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 123 

I was going to jump in. He caught me fast and 
shouted " PoHce, poHce ! " in his despair. 

A policeman was really coming. So we both put 
on our kimonos in a great hurry and ran away. 
Afterwards I was told that the tunnel had a whirl- 
pool under the river, and it was a most dangerous 







THE SCHOOL GROUND 

one. Even an expert swimmer would not dare to 
go in. Masu-San was always proud that he '' saved 
my life." 

I was such a cake-eater ! And so were Yamada and 
Tokida. A confectionary man used to come thre( 
times a week. We spent all our pocket-money foi 
cakes. Once I bought the whole lot that the man 



124 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

brought. There were some hundred cakes. We 
could not eat all. We began to play " snow- 
ball game," throwing jelly cakes to each other's 
faces. Our faces, clothes, and some walls, Shojis, 
were splashed with these cakes. A teacher saw us 
and he was very angry. He prohibited the con- 
fectionary to come to the school. 

The new school building was in a rapid progress. 
There they made very high scaffold. I used to climb 
up the top. The view was awfully nice up there. 
One day I persuaded Mr. linuma and Mr. Ogawa to 
climb up to see the nice view. They were trembling 
on the scaffold. But linuma was such a philo- 
sophical one. He came back to his own conscience 
and said in an easy smile, " This is nothing. Our 
daily life is perhaps even more dangerous, only 
we are ignorant to realize it." 

Perhaps he said this to caution me. However, I 
took it on the other way round. I thought it was only 
too true. I must not be too coward for anything. 
I decided to walk on any dangerous passage of life 
with the cool nerve. This decision made me come 
over to America and Europe with my empty pocket. 

While the new building was going on we had our 
schoolrooms in a small Japanese style house, and we, 
the boarding students, were living in other surround- 
ing houses still smaller. One evening we had a 
prayer-meeting in the schoolroom. After the meet- 



MISSION ART SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 125 

ing was over somebody struck his head against an 
oil lamp which was hung above. The lamp fell down 
and was broken. The floating oil took fire. One 
missionary rubbed the fire with the back of stool. 
That made the oil spread out and the fire became 
larger. The other began to shout '' Fire, fire ! " 
It seemed to me such a small incident made every- 
body crazy. I saw only linuma and Kawai (the 
youngest scholar and my favourite friend) were 
behaving quite cool, and standing in the corner. I 
smiled and said to them, " What do you think ? " 
They both smiled back. linuma said, " They are 
all no good. We ourselves must do something." 
Kawai was quick enough to say, " Sand, sand ! " 
We all agreed with him and brought in the sand 
which had been prepared for the new building in a 
large cloth, and covered the fire with this sand. 
The fire was gone. So we laughed. But we found 
out some oil underneath the floor, and there the 
fire was still burning. linuma said, " Bring some 
big stone." We brought in a large stone, and threw 
it at the floor. On the second throw the floor was 
broken. So we put out the fire with the sand again. 
Another fire incident happened only a few nights 
later. There was one boarding student called 
Suzuki. He was staying upstairs of my room. One 
night he came back from some prayer-meeting, and 
I heard him shouting, " Fire, fire ! " I was in bed. 



126 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I knew it was not serious, because I did not notice 
anything under his room. I dressed up myself and 
went up. My imagination was quite right. His 
charcoal box had too little ashes, and the floor 
caught fire about a yard square. By the time I 
went up, he and the school servant brought a bucket- 
ful water and they were so excited to pour this water 
a yard away from the fire. I laughed, and they were 
furious. The next bucket was brought in. This 
time I snatched it from them, and said, " Where is 
your Christian faith ? " 

They shouted, " Markino-Kun, it is not the time 
to listen your beastly logic. We must put out the 
fire at once. Pray, don't disturb us ! " 

I said, " Yes, it is the very time to ask your faith. 
I am not opposing against your Christianity. Have 
faith in God and keep yourselves quieter. About 
this little fire, you see thus ! " I poured the water 
upon the fire and it went out immediately. 

I always had a great objection against so-called 
prayer-meetings. My idea was this. If God is 
Almighty He ought to know inside of our hearts 
no sooner than we desire something. Indeed, our 
sincere desires themselves are the real prayers to 
God. Then why should we waste our precious 
studying time for such prayer-meetings so often ? 
Nay, not only wasting time, but I found out m.ost 
grievous fact in the prayer-meetings. Those so- 



MISSION ART SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 127 

called earnest Christians secluded themselves in the 
churches and began to leak out loudly all their own 
private troubles. They started with these words, 
"" O Almighty God," etc. etc., in their crying voices. 
But in fact they were not praying to God, but only 
to buy others' sympathies. Indeed, I heard more 
than once some of them talking thus, " Did you hear 
Mr. So-and-so's prayers to-night ? He must be 
suffering very much. Let us help him." 

I said, " Certainly not. He was praying to God 
only. That was all. If he needs our help he ought 
to come to us and beg our help." 

How coward ! How hypocrite ! I was awfully 
angry. Our beautiful ethic *' Bushido " teaches 
us to persevere all difficulties in silence. And now 
this Christian prayer-meeting was giving terrible 
injury to Bushido. I exclaimed, ^^ Surely the prayer- 
meeting will make our nation into weak-minded 
hypocrites who don't know the word ' Shame ' ! " 

However, my anger was much soothed when Mr. 
Danjo Yebina came to have a speech in a hall. He 
was a Japanese pastor, and his Christian faith was 
founded upon the Bushido. 

He said, " I suppose most of you in this hall must 
be the Christians. Your duty is not to attend to 
the Church and sacrifice all your lifetime for 
prayers or Bible-readings, but to go outside the 
Church and do your respective works most sincerely. 



128 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

If you are students, study your lessons hard ; if 
you are a farmer, cultivate your ground hard, and 
you merchants, do your business most honestly. . . . 
If you are thinking that the Paradise and the Hell 
are separated a long distance to each other, I tell 
you, you are absolutely mistaken. In this world the 
Paradise and the Hell are only one place. And 
God is standing in the middle. All sorts of devils 
stronger than those wild beasts like lions or tigers 
are searching you. If you go to God and beg His 
assistance, He wouldn't protect you. You might 
easily be eaten by those devils in front of God. 
Therefore you must fight against all these strong 
devils, and when you conquer them all, God will 
be pleased with you, and He will crown you. That 
is the real Paradise." 

I was listening to his speech from the very back 
seat, and I dare not venture myself to flatter him. 
Therefore he would not know even now how much 
appreciative I was to his speech. 

I said to my heart, *' That sort of Christian is quite 
all right in our country. How nice to think I have 
a splendid Christian brother ! " 

In 1 891 I had a happy news from my own family. 
They had cleared out all their debts, and my father 
and brother both came back to our dear old village 
Koromo. 

Of course my old home was sold, and they lived 



MISSIONARY SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 129 

in a very small house. However, it was so nice to 
visit them. My sister and her husband had their 
house very near, too. Whenever I had a little 
vacation at the school I always went home. I was 
such a homesick boy, and the vacations were not 







MY FATHER AND I AT THE RUINS OF OUR OLD CASTLE 

quite enough for my home visiting, so if I found 
out the school lessons were not quite important to 
attend, I always absented myself from the school 
and went home. My father was growing much 
older, and he was still more getting affectionate to 
me. My greatest pleasure was to accompany him 
to the ruins of our old castles and listen to his ex- 



130 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

planation about our ancestors. Then my sister had a 
little girl about five or six years old. I heartily loved 
this girl, but I did not know how to treat such a 
little baby. I only used to look at her. But strange 
to say, it seemed this little child knew my heart 
thoroughly, for she was more attached to me than 
to any other persons who knew how to treat and 
charm the children quite well. In the morning 
when I wanted to go back to the school my sister 
used to carry the girl on her back to accompany me 
to the boundary of the village, and see me off. 
Whenever I tried to say good-bye to the child, she 
started to cry and refused to part from me. I said, 
*' Well, the school lessons are not so important this 
time, I will stay another day." And we all went 
home again, and the child was so happy. But the 
next morning I had to repeat the same thing again. 
In that way, I was often detained day after day. 
All my family said to me, " Now you must go 
back to the school. You will not be able to part 
from the child for ever. The only way is get up 
early and go away while the child is still sleeping." 
And I was obliged to do so. 

I had to pass one New Year in the school. The 
new building was not completed yet, and I was still 
living in that old little room. 

linuma invited me and Yamada for " /oy^." Joya 
means " Ignoring the night." It is the ancient 



MISSIONARY SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 131 

Japanese and Chinese custom to keep the whole 
New Year Eve sleepless and try to compose poetry, 
paint picture, etc. etc. 

(Here I must explain to the reader that we cele- 
brate the New Year at the dawn and not at twelve 
o'clock.) 

We three had a tea ceremony first, then spent the 
rest of night by talking about the relationship of 
the Christianity, Buddhism, and Philosophy. The 




^PNi^P^ 



THE MOUNT HACHIMAN 



dawn had come. Yamada and I bid good-bye to 
linuma, and we two decided to see the New Year 
sunrise at the Mount Hachiman. The view was 
beautiful, but I was so sleepy. I don't remember 
how, but I slept a little on the top of the mountain. 

When I got up Yamada was not there (afterwards 
he told me he was sleeping under some tree, too). 

Anyhow, I came back to my room. I did not 
want to be disturbed by New Year callers. There- 
fore I pasted four sheets of paper together on my 



132 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

door and made a big placard with these verses, 
" There is no calendar in this house. Though the 
Old Year passed away I know not the New One yet. 
December 32nd. Yoshio Markino." And I slept 
in my bed. I was awaken about 4 p.m. To my 
surprise I saw many visitors' cards near my pillow. 
Among them I found out a note by Mr. Maruyama. 
He was the head Japanese professor in our school 
and I was his favourite. I read his note thus, 
'' Although I noticed your beautiful verses on the 
door, I ventured myself into your room, as I wanted 
my dear little Master Markino to join my ' Happy 
New Year ' at home. You are sleeping fast, while 
I am writing this. So I shan't disturb you. But 
as soon as you are awaken, come to my house." 

I ran up to his house immediately, and spent the 
New Year as happy as if I was in my own home. 

Now, going back to my schoolboy life, the new 
building was completed, a beautiful Western archi- 
tecture ! And an elaborated school catalogue was 
printed. In this catalogue I found out Mr. V., 
one of the American missionaries, was entitled 
" Shingaku Bucho " (the headmaster of the Theo- 
logical Department). I asked Mr. linuma if they 
were going to put the theological lessons in the 
school. He said, " Oh, no. Mr. V. is only going 
to continue his little Bible-class on Wednesday 
nights just as it has been. But]^you see, all other 



MISSION ART SCHOOL EXPERIENCES 133 

missionaries have some heading such as " Principal 
of the College," or " M.A.," etc. etc., and now 
Mr. V. feels so depressed that his name should be 
printed without any title." I was frightfully- 
amused, linuma said to me, " Don't give such 
wicked smile ! You see, it is the human nature that 
every one wants some title, and even Americans, 
who claim themselves most democratic in the world, 
would like some title, after all ! " 



CHAPTER XIII 

I WAS THE LOVER OF NATURE 

TXT'HEN I was a boy, perhaps the picnic was my 
favourite treat, but I was frightfully dis- 
appointed with the way the missionaries had picnic. 
They would take us the boys to some country and 
there they started to play tennis, football or base- 
ball. If they wanted to do these games, the school 
ground was much better. The Japanese country is 
full of poetic atmosphere and there are many 
legends. How pity to ignore all these and play 
such wild games ! 

I began to have my own picnics quite alone, with 
a few poetry books in my hand. Such places like 
Ryusenji, Yagoto or Yadagawa were my most 
favourite places. Especially in spring or autumn 
the promenade round these places was very 
fascinating. In Japan spring is full of brightness 
and romance, while autumn is solemn and in soli- 
tude. I loved both. I absented from the school 
lessons — sometimes three days in a week. For me 
it was far better sermon to chase after butterflies, 
listen to the birds singing, or to pick up the wild 

134 



/ WJS THE LOVER OF NATURE 135 

flowers than to attend to those dried-iip and very 
sleepy preachings at the Sunday-school. 

Now let me write about my impressions upon the 
Nature. What a great difference has taken place 
in me since then ! It must be remembered that I 
was not a professional artist at that time. I was 
always a friend to the Nature. If I went out to the 
open field I enjoyed to breathe the fresh air first, 
then those singing birds seemed as if they were 
calling me. Even branches of the trees looked as 
if they were beckoning me. And I went deeply 
into the Nature as if I were one of them. When I 
leaned against a tree I felt I was a tree, and when 
I watched the birds I felt I was a bird, too. Some- 
times I was a light butterfly flying over the meadow- 
flowers. Sometimes I was a cricket singing in the 
bushes. I quite remember I spent a whole morning 
watching the twinkling stream of the crystal-like 
water of the River Yada, and my soul was flowing 
in it. I picked up a snow-white blossom of Sagi- 
So to smell its scent and I forgot whether / was the 
flower or that little flower in my own hands was 
myself. 

Such a dreaming boy I was then, and my imagina- 
tion was mystified in the purple spring haze which 
covered the bottom of those snow-crowned moun- 
tains in distance. 

It is quite natural that when one is young, the 



136 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

more he begins to observe the Nature, the more he 
begins to wonder. For everything is so new to his 
eyes. But everything gets absolutely changed for 
one whose age reaches above thirty. His sense is 
no longer as keen as when he was a child. However, 
in my own case, there is a great reason why I am 
so changed toward the Nature : I have become 
an artist and I have to think how to paint the 
views. 

Last October (19 10) I was in Florence. I had a 
drive with one of my John Bulless friends in that 
famous Cascine Park. Those dwarf bushes had 
already received golden autumn tints on their 
leaves, while the giant cypresses were giving ** ever- 
green " high above, in the sky. 

It was just the sunset time and all the distant 
hills were changing their complexion every minute. 
Those which faced towards the west looked as if they 
were intoxicated by the evening sunbeam, while those 
which faced the opposite direction looked pale 
and sad in the shade. It was the real beauty of the 
Nature. My John Bulless friend was sunk deeply 
into her amazement and appreciation of the Provi- 
dence. I, too, was quite excited and could not 
keep silence. I began to talk to myself, " Ah, that 
part is cobalt-blue a little mixed with neutral tint. 
That tree is yellow-ochre and light red. Oh, what 
colour would you use for that water ? " 



/ WJS THE LOVER OF NATURE 137 

She sighed, " Oh, you mad artist, can't you be 
quiet ? You are frightfully disturbing my day- 
dream." 

I often get cross with people who tell me, " Since 
you have become an artist your poetic nature is 
lamentably victimized ! " For I myself am getting 
happier and more enthusiastic with the Nature than 
in those days when I did not know even the names of 
the paints. It is unavoidable result when one gets 
into any speciality. Once I heard that a certain 
undertaker met with a giant. The first thought 
which came into the undertaker's mind was, " How 
long must I make the coffin for that man when 
he dies ! " 

To-day I am meeting with many English people. 
It is a great amazement to me to find out in them 
such dirty commercial spirits. They must know how 
sacred and how sweet does the word ^' friendship " 
mean. But alas ! these have gone too deeply into 
their own speciality — that is to say, Business. They 
are scraping out every tiny copper in spite of losing 
that tender sentiment called " friendship " which 
is the real beauty of the Nature. If you forgive me 
getting too technical of Art, I shall freely forgive 
those dirty commercial spirits, too. 

As I began to understand the English I started 
reading some poetry books, Longfellow's Evangeline 
first ! I took it to the Mount Yagoto and lay down 



138 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

on the grass under a tree and read it. I spent the 
whole day, until it became too dark to read. 

I was very slow to read the English, and about 
half o£ Evangeline was left. Next day I went to 
the same place, with the Evangeline and some 
sandwich. This time I finished all and came back 
under the moonbeam. 

Oh, I forget to tell you the distance. Yagoto 
was about three miles away from our school. On 
the way back, I felt as if I was quite melted into 
the fumes of those spring flowers which surrounded 
me ! Indeed, this was the first time in my life to 
read love-story. 

In Japan, love used to be prohibited as a sort of 
sin. At least I believed in that way. I think the 
chief reason was that we mixed up the real human 
love with ugly passions. And, in fact, I had full 
romance in my heart at the age of sixteen or seven- 
teen, and I was only trying to perish it, thinking 
it was the worst kind of temptation. Now the 
Evangeline was a great revelation to my heart, and 
quite agreeable one, too. It encouraged the pure 
love. It was a great lesson to me. I thought when 
the human love was pure and sincere it was most 
beautiful thing. Why do poets always compare the 
humans with birds or flowers, and why are those 
women so contented to be compared with them ? 
Surely the human beauty is far more beautiful than 



/ WAS THE LOVER OF NATURE 139 

any birds or flowers ! I became such an earnest 
love-story hunter. Next I read Priscilla, Paul and 
Virginia^ and Enoch Arden. 

I suppose these love poetries made me feel more 
eager than ever to go to America. I used to com- 
pose my poetries only about the views, but now I 
found out more brilliant pearls in human hearts. 
I said to myself, " Let me go to the Western 
countries, where they welcome love freely. I shall 
get lots of beautiful materials to compose poetries." 
Later on, when I arrived at San Francisco, I was 
miserably disappointed, because it seemed to me 
people down there were thinking nothing but 
" almighty dollars." I complained very much against 
those poetries or novels which never talked about 
the money matters. They utterly deceived me. 
Even now I have the same idea. Why do the poets 
or writers generally skip off the money matter which 
displays inside the human hearts so much, and which 
is very important element in our daily life, too ? 
Most tragedies in this world always spring up from 
the money matter. I really think that stories which 
have no money matter are very false graphics. By 
the way, I have read Washington Irving's Sketch 
Book at the same time. It impressed me so much 
so that I dreamed about Westminster Abbey more 
than once. And I am glad to say when I saw the 
real Abbey, I found out it was more dignified and 



I40 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

more poetic than my dreams. Then other favourite 
chapters in his book were " Pride of Village," 
** Widow and her Son," and ''Wife." In the 
later chapter Irving described the difficulty of 
money matters. I sincerely thank him. He did 
not deceive mc at all. Have I seen such sweet wives 
in England ? I must give a positive answer, but I 
shan't write much about English women here, 
because I have already written another book 
exclusively about them, called My Ideated "John 
Bullesses, 



CHAPTER XIV 

THE EARTHQUAKE 

^T^HE world-known great catastrophe of the 
dreadful earthquake befell upon us on the 
early days of October, 1 891. 

The Japanese nation shall never forget this dis- 
astrous event in all its life. I was one of those who 
had a very narrow escape. My memory is still so 
vivid. Now let me write all that I have witnessed 
with my own eyes ! 

Our school used to have the prayers before the 
lessons in the mornings. Some Japanese Christians 
proposed to our school that they all wanted to join 
in the morning prayer for fortnight (from October 
1st to October 14th). That took one hour every 
morning. Frankly, I hated this prayer-meeting. 
Several mornings I succeeded to slip off from the 
meeting and have a walk in the fresh morning air. 
In fact, it was much better for the health both 
mentally and physically. But one morning while I 
was eating my breakfast I was caught by a missionary 
and he forced me to join the prayer-meeting. 

We all were gathered in a large hall of the school. 

141 ^ 



142 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I think there were about fifty peoples all together. 
When individual prayers were finished, Mr. Maru- 
yama (the head Japanese professor) began the Lord's 
Prayer. 

I heard a big sound, something like cannon, from 
the north-west direction. Immediately the earth 
began to shake. First, a sudden strong perpendicular 
shaking, and then very severe horizontal shaking. It 
was awfully severe ! I felt as if I were on waves. 
The plaster of the ceilings and walls were falling 
upon us, and the desks and stools began to dance 
and fall. Nevertheless Mr. Maruyama was steadily 
continuing the Lord's Prayer. We all Japanese 
boys thought it was too rude to lift up our heads 
during the prayer. I heard one or two persons were 
running out. I did not pay any attention to that. 
The prayer was finished and we all joined to the 
final " amen." 

When we lifted up our heads and stood up at last 
we looked at each other's faces with surprise for a 
second or two. For it was far worse than the 
imagination of any of us. Some part of the walls 
were utterly destroyed. The corner of the ceilings 
cracked a foot wide. The window-glasses smashed 
— lamps fell down — the bell was ringing itself 

The shock was still getting severer. All these 
floors, doors, walls, windows, were in curved lines 
in willy-nilly way. We could not walk straight. 



THE EARTHQUAKE 143 

Most people were frightfully excited ; they all 
hurried to the side door. linuma had a cool head. 
He shouted, " To the front door, please ! To the 
front door ! " Indeed, if they all went out to the 
front door, nobody would have hurt themselves 
because the front door was under a gable and it 
was quite safe. But those excited people pushed 
everybody to the side door. linuma himself was 
pushed out to the same way, too. When I came out 
to the side door I saw several people fallen down on 
the steps, and some tiles and chimney bricks were 
pouring upon them. The steps were a little higher 
than myself, and there were not railings. I jumped 
on the left side of the steps from the main floor. 
Beside those bricks and tiles and pieces of timbers, 
some fine dust of plasters was falling. It was thicker 
than London fogs, and I could not see anything 
through them. I was standing on the same spot for 
a few seconds. It was still shaking. (Afterwards I 
learnt that the earthquake continued for seven or 
eight minutes.) 

I thought there was no way to escape my death. 
If I stayed there, I should be buried under the 
building, and if I walked on I should be struck by 
those heavy lumps of bricks. In my childish mind, 
I really thought that was " the end of the world," 
which the missionaries often talked about. I said 
to myself, " Very well, I am such a wicked one that 



144 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



I cannot believe Jesus Christ, therefore if there is 
the hell in our future life, I shall have to go there. 
The hell must be more awful than this earthquake. 
This is nothing, then. Let me carefully taste what 
is the death'! " Thus I decided to die. 




^ ■ />: 



MY NARROW ESCAPE FROM THE EARTHQUAKE 

I folded my arms across my chest and walked on 
very slowly, and on every step I expected my death. 
One big mass of bricks fell down just crashing past 
the top of my nose, and another big one passed 
parallel with my back. My back received some 
purple marks by that. When I walked up a few 
steps more, I came out to the clear air on the play- 



THE EARTHQUAKE 145 

ground. I always say I saved my life because I 

decided to die. Several of the students wanted to 

save themselves and ran quick on that uneven 

ground while it was shaking severely. They fell 

down and perished under the falling bricks. I 

thought it was simply miracle to have escaped the 

death. So I laughed. Some people thought I was 

hysterical, and told me to " be calmed." One 

pointed at my feet and said, " Look at your own 

feet ! " They were stained with blood. I said 

I felt nothing. When I took off my clothes I found 

out they were the others' blood and not mine. I 

realized that the situation was too serious to waste 

any moment in vain. I shouted to them, " I am 

going to fetch Dr. Ishii." Dr. Ishii was one of the 

ablest surgeons in the town, and a friend of mine, 

too. He lived in Shichi ken-Cho — a street about 

ten minutes' walk away. Our school was behind of 

a large Government building, so I could not see 

much of the town. But when I ran up to the other 

corner of this Government building and came out 

to the main avenue, I saw most terrible sight. That 

big European building of the post office was quite 

destroyed. All the other Japanese houses were 

mostly demolished. 

Fire broke out somewhere, and a thick black 
volume of smoke was rolling up in the direction of 
Biwajima. I thought, " This is terrible. I am sure 



146 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

the doctor could not come. Shall I go back to the 
school ? No, no, I must fulfil my mission. I shall 
go to the doctor anyhow, and see what could be 
done for us." 

I ran up to his house. Just as my anticipation, 
his house was in terrible state. I thought it was 
useless to call him out. 

When I walked back a few streets I met with 
many policemen marching in a row. I asked them 
where to get a doctor urgently. They said they 
were informed that Shidan (military head-quarters) 
were going to send out the surgeons and staffs all 
over the town. And one of them suggested me the 
best way was to hang up some big paper with a 
note — " Casualties here ! " It would attract their 
attention quickly. But almost the same moment 
when I went back to the school some surgeons and 
soldiers were coming, and they attended on us im- 
mediately. 

These soldiers' work was most marvellous. They 
were so quick and so wonderful. The whole town 
might have been destroyed by the fire if the Shidan 
was not quick enough to send the sapper regiments, 
who extinguished the fire at Biwajima immediately. 
All the injured persons were promptly attended by 
the surgeons. All the demolished houses on the 
street were cleared up, some temporary bridges were 
built up in a few hours. All these wonderful works 



THE EARTHQUAKE 147 

were done by the soldiers under the solemn command 
of some well-balanced-minded officers. 

However, the surgeons had great difficulties to 
operate those poor invalids. For the wells and water- 
works were almost destroyed, and they could not 
obtain clean water. Some surgeons said it was far 
more difficult than battlefield. In the battlefield 
the wounds are by swords or guns, and they have 
plenty of clean water. Here the wounds were by 
dusty tiles and bricks, and they had no water to 
wash. Some patients had their faces quite swelled 
by the poison of the plaster dust. 

As far as I can remember there were no less than 
seventeen casualties in our school ; three or four had 
instantaneous death, and a few survived only a little 
longer. I well remember the miserable death of 
Mr. and Mrs. Oishi. They both were buried under- 
neath many bricks and tiles. We had to remove 
those things first. Some boys were taking off one 
brick after another. I said to them, " I say, you are 
awfully slow, do like this." I tried to push off the 
whole lot, but lo ! I never knew before that the 
bricks were so heavy ! The school servant said, 
*' Master Markino, don't you believe you are always 
clever." I sincerely apologized him, and I begged 
him to let me help the others. 

I tried to move one brick each time, and my 
fingers began to bleed. It was not at all safe task, 



148 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

for we had shocks almost every minute. Some were 
quite big, and as all the buildings were very loosened 
by the first big shock, they were so easily fallen 
by those little shocks, and several people were killed. 
But these shocks were always preceded by some 
sound like gun from beneath the ground. Every 
time when we heard the sound we ran towards the 
open ground to escape those tiles and bricks falling 
from the half-broken roof ; and then we returned 
to our work again. At last, we succeeded to carry 
out the corpses of Oishi and his wife to an open 
ground. Oishi had his back head quite crushed by 
bricks, while his wife had a fatal wound on her 
chest. Death seemed to be quite instantaneous to 
them. I felt extremely queer to see them speech- 
less and motionless. It was they who persuaded the 
people to have morning prayer-meetings in our 
school. Only a few minutes ago they were both 
bright and cheerful and told us how happy they 
felt to be Christians. Now, without leaving any 
last words, they were no longer belonging to this 
world. The most pathetic sight was their eight- 
year-old boy who attended on our prayer-meeting. 
He had received a bad cut on his head. A surgeon 
had to operate. First few seconds he screamed 
loudly, and then, as if the sign that Bushido was re- 
called into his heart, he stopped crying and asked 
us, " Would my mamma and papa praise me if I 



THE EARTHQUAKE 149 

don't cry ? " Everybody looked into each other's 
eyes and then drooped their heads down. We all 
said in low voice, " Yes, yes." He often asked us 
where his parents were. We were too timid to 
break the news until he was quite recovered. 

Among the other deads there was a young editor 
of Fuso-Shimpo (a morning paper). He was a great 
anti-Christian, but some of his friends brought him 
to the prayer-meeting by force, notwithstanding his 
refusal, and now he received many serious wounds. 
He was almost unconscious and screamed out, " I 
told you I did not want to come ! " He repeated 
this twice or thrice, and had his last breath, without 
coming back to consciousness. Some anti-Christians 
blamed the one who brought him down, while the 
other earnest Christians claimed that it was the 
will of God who summoned him. I thought they 
both were too narrow-minded to judge this world 
with their little knowledge. Therefore I was in 
silence about that discussion ! Even the Bible 
says, '' For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil 
and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and 
on the unjust." 

We laid down all the corpses inside the M.E 
Church. As we had shocks about one hundred and 
fifty times in a day, we had no chance to have their 
funeral for ten days or thereabout (I forget exact 
days), and we ourselves had to build up some little 



150 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

cottages on the open ground. Here some troubles 
happened to me. I tried to help them to make 
cottages, but as my hands were awfully delicate I 
was not much use. If I carried those rough old 
timbers or bamboos my hands bleeded freely. I w^as 
very cross with myself, because I could not fulfil 
my duty. But some happier idea came into my 
mind soon. Those poor corpses needed some night 
watch and I noticed the boys seemed to be fright- 
ened to watch them alone. Every night two or 
three boys used to watch, and next day they had to 
take rest. They all hated that job. I said to them 
if they excuse me from our daily labour, I would be 
willing to watch the corpses myself alone every 
night. 

They were awfully pleased and so was I, too ! 
There my duty was quite fixed. I slept all the day- 
time, and watched the corpses in night. I had two 
or three candles lit between the corpses, and I sat 
myself down on a chair ready to run out any moment 
when the shock came. I took some books, mostly 
philosophical books, and I enjoyed the studying. 
Very often I threw the books down and watched 
those poor dead faces, and went into a deep medita- 
tion. Once I was very tired. I laid myself down 
by the side of the dead bodies and slept. It just 
happened that our school servant Masu-San came 
for " go-round " after the precautions for the fire 



THE EARTHQUAKE 151 

and theft. He came to the door and shouted, 
" Markino San, are you all right ? " 

I stood up at once in half-dreaming. Masu-San 
screamed and fell down. He told me he was so 
frightened, for he thought some dead man stood 
up. I could not help laughing for his timid and 
superstitious imagination ! 

During our cottage-life, I found out something 
which lessened my confidence upon the missionaries. 
They always preached us that the earnest Christian 
should not take any alcohol at all. But one day I 
saw a missionary was giving his wife a cup of wine 
" for stimulation," and to my surprise, that bottle 
was half finished. I wondered were they taking 
wines, notwithstanding their severe warning against 
any drink ? 

I recollected an incident during our school lessons. 
Some time before, we had the spelling lesson. We, 
Japanese boys, could not spell " champagne." A 
missionary taught us how to spell and said in 
Japanese, " Ah, this is very bad thing," and he 
began to pull faces and pretend to taste champagne. 
Some boys remarked, " Have you noticed our 
teacher's expression ? He seemed to be very fond 
of champagne. What is champagne, anyhow ? 
It must be a jolly thing ! " I told them we ought 
not be so insincere. 

But now it came into my mind very strongly. 



152 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Perhaps the boys were right. Only my etiquette 
would not allow me to argue with the missionary 
directly. Another question was about the Sabbath 
day. They told us not to spend money on Sundays. 
In fact, I kept this very faithfully for last four years, 
notwithstanding a great inconvenience very often ; 
but now I saw some missionaries paying money on 
Sunday. I sighed alone, ** Paradox, paradox ! " 

While I was thinking this in the cottage, Mr. 
linuma and Kawai came. Kawai said, '* During 
that fateful prayer-meeting, I lifted up my head, 
because I heard somebody was moving. It was that 
missionary who ran out during the ' sacred ' 
prayer." 

I stood up by excitement and indignance. Mr. 
linuma calmed me down. " Be quiet ! Kawai and 
Markino, you shall not repeat that again, or else 
some trouble will spring up from the outside world. 
Don't you remember the ancient Chinese ode, 
* Though the brothers and sisters are fighting 
inside their fence, they protect each other from 
the outside enemies 'j? Nowadays there is a loud 
voice by the anti-Christians against us. Better to 
protect ourselves." 

So far as I know, Kawai was faithful enough not 
to leak this news out, and I, myself, had kept it for 
a long time — some ten years. Only when m.y 
English friends wanted to hear about the earth- 



THE EAMHQUAKE 153 

quake two or three years ago, I told them every- 
thing for the first time. 

We were quite isolated, for the railways were 
destroyed and the telegrams were cut off. Here I 
must not forget to mention about the activity of 
the postmaster-general of Nagoya. His name was 
Mr. Doi. Nevertheless the post office building was 
entirely demolished, and there were some deaths 
in the building, he made a light cottage in some 
temple yard in the same day, and superintended 
all the men himself. The communication of letters 
were going on just as the usual time. 

I received a letter from my father that all my 
families were quite safe in my own village. It was 
a great release to my mind. But everybody in the 
street had their countenance just like earth. I was 
much depressed by that. 

It was about two weeks after, that one evening 
we were eating our supper on the open ground, 
we heard the steam whistling of the engine in 
the direction of the station. Immediately we all 
realized that was the first train from Tokio. Every- 
body went outside the cottage and welcomed the 
train with loud cheers. 

By the train, one after another contributions were 
pouring in. Some vv^ere money in cash, and the 
other packages were all sorts of clothes, food, etc. etc. 
Among them were many beautiful silk kimonos 



154 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

and bed-quilts. We thought money in cash was far 
more important than those luxurious goods. There- 
fore we made auction with them. It was a great 
success, for there were many charitable people who 
bought things with even better prices than at the 
shops. 

Now about the distribution, our Japanese teachers 
had some discussions. The number of the sufferers 
were too many. If we distributed them evenly to 
everybody, one could not get more than a few sens. 
That would do no good. Therefore we had come 
to the conclusion that we must investigate the 
condition of the sufferers, and those strong healthy 
people ought to work and only the helpless old 
people, deformed ones, and delicate women, or 
small children should have quite good lump of 
sums. 

To do this, I often went out to the country with 
my schoolmates. I was amazed with the terrible 
sights everywhere. The earth cracked in many 
places, and the width of the opening was ten to 
fifteen feet, and sloped down for twenty feet, 
where there was a narrow opening. I put in a 
fishing pole, which went in and I lost the sight 
of it. Some part of a river-bed was elevated 
higher than the embankment, and some small 
village sank down all together, and the river-water 
poured in to make a new large lake. 



THE EARTHQUAKE 155 

I met with a young man who was sobbing 
bitterl}^. He told me he had his old father in a sick- 
bed. When the shock started, he tried to carry his 
father out. They both fell down. Then a small 
thatched roof fell upon them. He was quite 
astonished to find that he had strength enough in 
his elbow to hold the whole roof for a few seconds, 
and his father was still living underneath him. But 
he broke down, and his poor old father was killed by 
his own weight. It was too pathetic to listen him 
crying, " I am a father-murderer ! " 

One old woman told me she was praying the 
image of Buddha in a little temple at the time. 
Suddenly the mat on which she was sitting stood 
up. Then she had no more recollection. When 
she was recovered into her conscience, she found 
out she was thrown some thirty feet away from the 
corrupted temple. 

A terrible story was told by a housemaid of some 
wealthy family. When they realized it was a great 
earthquake, her mistress with a month-old baby 
in her arms ran to the verandah. The maid opened 
the door for them, and the mother with her baby 
jumped to the garden ground. To a great terror 
of the maid, the earth just opened wide on the very 
spot where her mistress jumped. The mother and 
baby were both buried alive. The house master 
came back only to be too grievous. A few days 



156 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

later, he employed the workmen to dig out the 
ground, but they failed to find out any trace of the 
corpses. 

Some farmer wife who lost both her husband and 
child, came to me and said, '' O Honourable 
Student, you must learn and know everything. 
What does this mean ? Tell me, where is God ? 
Where is Buddha ? " 

I said, ** Neither do I know where ! It seems to 
me the Creator is very cruel ! " And we both shed 
the tears together. 

While we were working hard one of the mission- 
aries took out some of those stores without the 
others' consents. He went out to some open ground 
where many people were gathering. He threw 
away each article and enjoyed himself to look at the 
people picking up. We, the schoolboys, were most 
indignant. 



CHAPTER XV 

STEPPING ON THE HIGHROAD TO 
AMBITION 

A S the time was passing on, everything was 
getting restored, and people began to forget 
that terrible earthquake. But another sort of 
earthquake became active among the Japanese 
Christians. Many of them began to dislike the 
missionaries more and more. 

There was a wealthy porcelain factory, the pro- 
prietor was an earnest Christian, but just at the 
time of the earthquake, he proclaimed himself an 
" Independent Christian." He gave up the mis- 
sionary church and gathered all his workmen to 
his own house, and had preaching every Sunday. 
Strange to say that this spirit sprang up not only in 
Nagoya but everywhere in Japan. I heard that many 
students of Doshisha (a Christian college in Kioto) 
began to complain against their missionary teachers. 
In Tokio, some leading Japanese Christians founded 
" Japan-Christian Association." The object of 
it was quite simple. That is to say, those Japanese 
believed in the Bible, but preferred being inde- 

157 



iS8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

pendent from the missionaries. Among these leaders 
were Mr. Yebina and Mr. Matsumura. 

About Mr. Yebina's speech I have already men- 
tioned in the former chapter. Now I want to 
thank Mr. Matsumura for his book called Risshi-no- 
Ishidsue ; or, T^he Foundation-stone of S elf -h elf for 
the Toung Men. On the book-cover Longfellow's 
" Excelsior " was written in Japanese. Inside the 
book every word was written from the bottom of 
his sincere heart. It is a general rule that the grown- 
up man always tries to push down the young man 
when the latter tries to spring up. I had already 
too much experience of that kind, but Mr. Matsu- 
mura was in reverse. He was a real friend to all 
young men. He sympathized and encouraged the 
ambition of us, the boys. I read this book over ten 
times. I took every word deeply into my heart. I 
felt as if I had met a real friend of mine at last. I 
must say it was this book which helped me coming 
out to Europe, risking my own life. I sincerely 
thank him very much. To my delight, I heard from 
one of my Japanese friends who came to London 
lately, that Mr. Matsumura is still enjoying his 
health and giving the lecture on Confucius to all 
young men. 

Coming back to those days, I myself was still 
loitering about on the question of the Christian 
faith. The idea to come out and see the Western 



HIGHROAD TO AMBITION 159 

world became only too important and too urgent 
question for me. I thought I could see more about 
the Christianity if I came out. One evening I 
visited upon one of the missionaries to whom I had 
more confidence than any other. I told him my 
intention to go to America in hope that he might 
be able to give me some useful information. 

To my great disappointment he exclaimed, 
" What ? Tou are intending to go to America ? " 
His wife was in the same room, and they both 
sneered at me ! At the moment I felt as if all the 
blood in my head went down to my feet ! I stood 
on the same point for a few seconds in silence, then 
came back to my room without saying " good- 
bye." I said to myself, " Everything is quite 
finished." 

On the next morning I ran away. Now I want 
to write the reason. I always believe that insin- 
cerity is the greatest crime in this world, and nothing 
could be more insincere than to sneer ! It is true 
that I used to have dead-heat discussions with the 
missionaries, but it was all through my sincerity ; 
all because I could not believe the Bible, though I 
tried hard, that was why I went on discussing. But 
this was only concerning the matter of the rehgious 
faith ; although I often thought their conducts 
were rather contradicting against their sayings, I 
never sneered at them. As personal friendship I 



i6o WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

always looked upon them as the Hon. Foreign Guests. 
Then if they thought I was foolish or wrong, why- 
did they not tell me that frankly and sincerely 
instead of sneering at me ? 

I always forgive the other's anger, because it is 
the human nature to get into bad temper. I gener- 
ally forgive if one tells me lie, because the human 
nature is very weak and very often one cannot 
have a steady mind to face the difficulty and tell all 
the truth. I also forgive if one makes any foundless 
rumour or gossip against me, because it is a very easy 
temptation when some others persuade in that way. 

Even the murderers I may forgive according to 
their condition. But about sneering, there is no 
excuse. Because one cannot sneer at innocent 
people without intentional insincerity. 

Let me give you my own definition of two words. 

Murderer : one who assassinates some human 
flesh. 

Sneerer : one who assassinates others' Soul and 
heart. 

Soul and heart are far dearer than the fiesh, 
therefore sneering is the worst crime. Indeed, that 
missionary and his wife tried to assassinate my soul 
and heart, and I had a great pain in my heart, which 
cried out, " Why you ? " 

Early on the next morning I packed up my few 
things and__left the school building, while all the 



HIGHROAD TO AMBHION i6i 

others were still sleeping. It began to be snowing. 
I was delighted. " Ah, I am coming out into this 
pure white world now ! " 

I called on my schoolmate Yamada, who had 
already left our school, and stayed at his house in a 
village on my way home. The next day I arrived 
at my home. Once again I joined to my poor father, 
and I had a happy time to discuss about the Oriental 
philosophy with him. I often visited on my sister, 
who was within two miles' distance. About two 
months later I got a letter from my cousin Toyama, 
who was a dentist in Nagoya then. He wanted me 
to translate the American dental books and maga- 
zines. I went to see my sister to say good-bye, but 
she was gone to some relatives. I visited on her 
again next day, she was not in yet. On the third 
morning I went there again, only to be disappointed, 
as she had not come back yet. I decided to go to 
Nagoya, and just while I was preparing to go away, 
she came in. She was very excited. She said she 
saw my back in the distance, and she chased after me. 
I said to her that she need not trouble herself so 
much, for I could come back and see her again quite 
soon. She shook her head and said she felt it was 
the last time to see me. My father, too, joined to 
her and said he could not feel to see me again. 
They both came out to the boundary of the village 
to see me off. 



i62 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Strange to say it was the farewell to my father at 
least. For I had to come out to America without 
going home again, and my father died while I was 
in San Francisco. I remember when I was walking 
on, he and my sister were watching m^e from a little 
hill for such a long time. I looked back again and 
again, and when I saw them last, they looked 
smaller than little ants, and then they disappeared 
in the haze, but I knew they would be still standing 
on the same point for a long time after they had 
lost sight of me. 

At my cousin's house I translated parts of Harris' 
Dentistry^ and Cosmos^ and Dental Practitional, I 
began to learn the dentistry, and I often treated 
the patients when my cousin was out. I told my 
cousin that it did not seem to me difficult to be a 
dentist. He said, " No, you can become a good 
dentist quite soon, and you can earn a good busi- 
ness." Then I was very nervous that I might have 
to pass all my life as a dentist. I had two girl 
cousins. They handed me some money and per- 
suaded me to run away immediately. So I came 
out to Yokohama first. It was October ist, 1892. 

My train left Nagoya on the early morning. For 
one hour or so all the views from the train windows 
were very familiar to me. But as I had never travelled 
beyond thirty miles from my home, I soon came out 
to the quite strange country, and I was very busy to 



HIGHROAD TO AMBITION 163 

see the both sides of the train. O ! how calm and 
how beautiful was that ultramarine lake of Hamana, 
with those snow-white sails on it, and how wonder- 
ful were those cliffs on the seacoast of Okitsu ! Fuji 
Yama seemed (seen for the first time in my life) twice 
more grand and graceful than I used to imagine ! 
In the afternoon our train began to climb up that 
famous mountain Hakone. One more engine was 
fixed on the back of the train. The sound of her 
engines was rather encouraging, something like a 
military band ! I felt my life was getting up higher 
and higher. And those autumn leaves of the maples 
and birches, some were scarlet, some were ver- 
milion, while others were quite golden ! When we 
came up the top our train stopped at a little station. 
I jumped down on the ground and looked home- 
ward. All my mountain friends were little distin- 
guishable to each other on the far-off horizon ! 

Now the train began to run down the other side 
of the Hakone, which was far steeper and quite 
rocky. We passed through many tunnel, and the 
day was getting darker. I began to feel somewhat 
queer — especially when I saw those small cottages 
of the poor farmers ! Fathers and sons were return- 
ing from the rice-fields, while mothers, wives, and 
daughters were making a cheerful fire inside the 
cottages and awaiting their male companions. What 
a happy and warmly harmonical life they were 



1 64 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

having ! I began to rebel against my own mind, 
" Why should I leave this paradise-like home be- 
hind ? And why should I go to the strange country 
to struggle ? Should I give up all my ambition ? 
And should I stay with those innocent farmers and 
share the happy life with them ? " 

Only if I were travelling by foot, I might quite 
easily step into one of those cottages and stay where 
I met with their sympathy ! But I zuas in the train, 
and the train carried me into the centre of the busy 
Yokohama city in the evening. 

I was too timid to go to any of those smart 
hotels, so I went to one station beyond Yokohama. 
It is a smaller town called Kanagawa. There I 
found out a little shabby inn, where I could get in 
easier. (Afterwards I heard that inn was made 
especially to attract some country folk like myself, 
and they charged more than the smart hotel.) 

Next morning I walked from that inn to Yoko- 
hama and stayed at the house of my villagers. 

Although our missionary school was in Western 
style and there were a few more Western buildings 
in Nagoya, it was really the first time in my life to 
see the Western residences and streets in Yokohama. 
I was very amazed by sight-seeing. Those houses 
were built with the weather boards painted in many 
colours, and that dazzling colour struck me first. 
The noisy cranes to convey the coals made me feel 




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HIGHROAD TO AMBITION 165 

something busy and uneasy. I heard the cannons 
fired on board some ships and I ran to the shore to 
see a splendid sight of rolling smokes. I met with 
some negro sailors, who put on red Turkish fez and 
Indian turbans. I watched them with curiosity. 
A riksha-man was running towards me and threw me 
aside with his elbow, saying, " O, you country 
idiot ! " 

I got up, but I was still dreaming, for everything 
was new and strange to me. Several Chinese sailors 
passed by. They pointed at me and shouted, 
*'Makahai" (equal to your "Damned fool"). I came 
back to my conscience. I felt I could not manage 
myself in such a grand and busy town. Then I 
thought. This is only a little foreign settlement, after 
all — America must be much greater. It is something 
for one to live in such a great country like America, 
and fancy, all those missionaries were born in 
America. How could they manage themselves in 
their own country ? O, I was mistaken to look them 
down. I am sure they are greater than myself, and I 
began to feel that I was the biggest fool after all. 

I loitered round the foreign settlement and came 
out in front of " Grand Hotel." A band was play- 
ing some European music. It sounded to me much 
too noisy and too quick. Where was the taste and 
pleasure in that music ? I could not understand. 
One evening I visited on some foreigner's house. I 



1 66 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

was taken into the drawing-room. Lo ! so many 
looking-glasses on the walls ! I felt I was in a 
barber's shop ! Once I walked in some narrow 
street where many small buildings were in row. I 
saw on the window glasses some lettering, " London 
Bar,'' '' Chicago Bar," etc. etc. Each house had 
such a tiny shutter door, which seemed to me as if 
some young bamboo roots were cut vertically. The 
upper and the lower parts of the door were quite 
open. I heard still noisier music than that of 
Grand Hotel, and I saw through the lower part of 
the door some sailors' feet stepping quickly. Now 
I know they were dancing in " pub." I was very 
frightened. I felt I might be murdered any mo- 
ment, so I ran away. 

One day while I was sight-seeing those foreigners' 
residences on the " BluH " I noticed something 
about the stone walls. The vv^all itself seemed to 
me very magnificent. It was far more elaborate 
than most Japanese walls. But on the top of the 
wall, many broken bottles and glasses were fixed 
with the cement. O, how hideous they looked to 
me ! I said to myself, " Surely the hon. foreigners 
would not use those ugly things on the walls in their 
countries. But here we have so many thieves, that 
is why. O, how disgraceful ! Those broken pieces 
of bottle give me much pain, for they are advertising 
the shame of our country." 



HIGHROAD TO AMBITION 167 

However, when I came to London, I immediately- 
noticed many walls with the broken bottles. My 
mind was very much released to think that it was 
not only in Japan that people have to protect them- 
selves against thieves. Though I still hate this sight 
all the same even now. 

One morning I saw a large boat on the bay. Her 
lower part was painted red, while the upper part 
black. I saw white laughing waves against her 
breast. She was steaming on slowly. The sound 
of her engine reached to my heart, which was beat- 
ing in the same rate. I understood she was going to 
America. My heart beated still higher when the 
engine sounds were getting more and more faint in 
distance, and I said to myself, " Fancy, that very 
boat must have touched to the American coast 
many times ! Some day I shall be on board of that 
boat ! " I thought the best way to go abroad was 
to become a clerk of some foreign shop or to be em- 
ployed as a captain's boy. I tried some employment 
bureaux. They all laughed at me, saying such a 
slow-tempered boy like myself could not be em- 
ployed by the hon. foreigners. I came to the con- 
clusion to go up to Tokio, where I might be able to 
plan my future programme. In Tokio I had my two 
best cousin-friends. Goto and Yebina, whom I was 
much attached to when we all were in the grammar 
school. At that time Goto was a law student, while 



1 68 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Yebina had already made his invention of the white 
bricks in his early twentieth. They both welcomed 
me heartily. Beside these two, I had two more 
cousins. They were Kawanishi and Hotta. (Ka- 
wanishi is now the principal of a famous hospital in 
Hokkaido, and Hotta died a few years ago.) I 
decided to stay in Hotta's house. In a week or 
two I made more than thirty dear friends in Tokio. 
They used to call me an Ex-Yaso because I ran away 
from the missionary school. But for this nick- 
name, I had much pain in my heart. Here let me 
repeat that ancient Chinese ode once more. 

Though the brothers and sisters fight inside their fence, 
They protect each other from the outside enemies. 

Readers, if you have conscience you will under- 
stand how much truth is in these verses. Indeed, 
though I disagreed with those missionaries' preach- 
ings, I could not help raising a great objection to 
any one who mocked at the Christianity without the 
knowledge of the Bible, and I still then had a hope 
that I might become an earnest Christian if it was 
the will of God. For this hope, I bought a German 
Bible. At the time I was studying German, and my 
idea was that I would rather study German language 
with the Bible than any other book, so that I might 
find out the faith in it some day. It was this Bible 
which I mentioned in my book A Japanese Artist 



HIGHROAD TO AMBITION 169 

in Londoft, that when I arrived to England I had a 
German Bible. During my few months' stay in 
Tokio, I spent the daytime at the Imperial Library 
(which was such a great treat to me). For I could 
not afford to buy all the books which I wanted to 
read, and, as I said in the former chapter, we had 
no library in the country towns. It was the very 
first time in my life to see a library. And in the 
evening I used to go to " Gidayu " and '' Kodan." 



CHAPTER XVI 
KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 

JAPAN has an art which exists in no Western 
country. It is called " Kodan " or the Recita- 
tion. This entertainment is performed by artistes 
whose position is between that of professors and 
music-hall artistes. They recite some histories or 
biographies of heroes — sometimes absolutely real, 
sometimes more or less in fiction. And that 
performance takes place in drawing-rooms for 
private parties, or in music-halls, or on the street 
corners for the public. At the feudal time, when 
the schooling education was limited only among the 
aristocratics, the Kodan itself was the most useful 
education, especially about the history, for the 
people under the middle class. At the same time 
it was the utmost entertainment for all classes — 
upper, middle, and lower as well. For it has 
wonderful art of the elocution. Every story has 
some pathos which makes all the auditors cry, 
and on the next minute it gives some humour 
which turns every weeper into laugher. And it 
always leads all the hearts to digest the humanity 

170 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 171 

thoroughly. In all, it is the genius sermon of 
Bushido. 

Ever since Japan has opened her gate for the 
Westerners, everything European (or American 
rather) has rushed into our country just like the 




THE KODAN 



turbulent flood. And that beautiful " Kodan " 
v^as in the greatest danger to be fatefully drowned. 
Perhaps it was in the extremity of its fate when I 
was in Tokio. One day I saw the posters of Kodan 
on the gate of some small music-hall. I went in. 
I was rather ashamed to enter into it, for all the 



172 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

auditors were only small children, or some ignorant 
old women. 

But no sooner than an artiste began to recite, I 
had forgotten where I was. My heart and soul 
together were carried away from this dirty disap- 
pointing world. And I began to go to Kodan every 
night. I had quite numbers of my friends. They 
all were elder to me. Most of them were the students 
of the Imperial University, and some were already 
the graduates. They all laughed at me — " What ! 
You go to the Kodan every night ? O, look at that 
country boy ! He says he appreciates Kodan ! " 
They simply screamed after me. 

Indeed they looked down upon Kodan as " an old 
fashion." They were carrying Shakespeare, Goethe, 
Schiller, Hugo, etc., under their arm, and they were 
very proud to be Westernized. I lamented and said, 
" Yes, those Western writers must be very great. 
But to me those books are too difficult to read. At 
least I need the dictionary every few seconds. How 
could I get enjoyment as well as nourishment for 
my head from them ! On the other hand, those 
recitators themselves may be quite ignorant, and 
in old style, as you say. Let them be ignorant if 
you like, but what they are reciting is the real 
Yamato Damashii (the soul of Japan). 

" It is indeed the gem which we can find only 
in Japan. It is the Bushido which no other country 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 173 

possesses. I have been in a missionary school for 
four years, but not a single time have I had such 
valuable lesson as I get from Kodan now." 

Some of my friends still would not believe me, 
and said, " O, hark, what that country boy is 
babbling." 

Among many stories I heard from Kodan Shi, 
perhaps the Story of the Sword-maker Naosuke 
impressed me most. The tears were flowing out 
freely from my eyes all through the story. 

Now let me translate the story. 

Perhaps we have never enjoyed such a peaceful 
time twice as we had in the era of Genroku, when 
the 8th Shogun of Tokugawa was so gracefully 
governing our country. 

The whole nation had entirely forgotten wars ! 
Art and literature were in their highest. At the 
same time, unnecessary luxuries and lamentable 
immoralities were eating into every one's heart. 

Then a most fatal famine continued for two years. 
But as all the nobles were still going on with their 
extravagances, the poor farmers suffered dreadfully 
by the heavy taxations. 

It was this time there were two Samurais — 
Okano and On5 in Akao.* 

Okano was very generous. He loved all those 

■^ About the names of the two Samurais I have lost my memory. 
These were given by my Japanese friend in London. 



174 WHEN I TV AS A CHILD 

poor farmers, and he was helping them with his 
own expense. For the result o£ that he became 
extremely poor. He always looked so shabby in his 
old cotton kimono. But he was worshipped as a 
god by the farmers. 

On5 was quite reverse to Okano. He was most 
selfish man. He had every luxury to himself and 
committed all sorts of cruelty to the farmers. 
Therefore he was very unpopular, and instead of 
investigating the cause, he only became very jealous 
against Okano's popularity. 

As all the wicked people would like to do, he 
decided to revenge Okano by giving some harm 
upon him. On the 15th of August (by the lunar 
calendar) they had a great feast of " seeing the full 
moon." When the dinner was over, Ono, with 
some intention in his heart, proceeded near Okano. 
" Well, my honourable great critic of swords ! 
Fortunately I have a sword which I am very proud 
of. Will you kindly give me your opinion upon this 
sword ? " 

He handed it to Okano. Everybody at the 
feast began to turn their faces quite pale, and 
keep silence, for they knew some unpleasant in- 
cident might happen. 

Okano was such a good-natured man. He showed 
no change in his face. He politely took the sword 
into his hand and said, modestly, " Nay, do not 



ROD AN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 175 

call me a great critic. I am quite ignorant about 
the swords, but I am delighted to see it." He un- 
sheathed the sword, and gazed upon it for a few 
minutes. 

" Indeed, this seems most excellent sword. If I 
am not mistaken, I believe it is by the great sword- 
maker, Masamune." 

" What a good judgment you have ! Exactly ! 
It is by Masamune, as you say. Now I have shown 
you my sword, therefore I have a privilege to look 
at your sword. Have I not, my honourable Mr. 
Okano ? " 

Alas ! Okano had a good sword until a few 
months ago, but he needed more money than he 
could afford to rescue many starving farmers. 
Therefore he sold it, and what he had at the time 
was a very rubbish one. And of course Ono knew 
that. That was why he put this question upon 
Okano. 

Okano's nature was too simple to refuse this in- 
sincere request. He smiled and said, " Mine is very 
blunt indeed. I feel rather shy, but you can look 
at it if you like." 

He handed his sword to On5. On5 unsheathed 
and looked at it in silence for a minute. He raised 
his eyebrows surprisedly. 

" Honourable Mr. Okano, I cannot believe such 
a noble Samurai as your honourable self would carry 



176 WHEN I WAS A CHILD ' 

any blunt sword, though it looks to me a very in- 
ferior one. It should be a genuine sword of 
course. How sad I am that I cannot see its real 
value." 

Then he raised his voice. '' Pardon, but I should 
like to test it." 

He jumped into the garden and struck the sword 
against a big bamboo tree. Alas, the sword was 
bent like lead. 

On5 pretended to be much surprised. 

" What ! What does this mean ? My honour- 
able Mr. Okano ! I cannot believe this. No. I can- 
not believe even in a dream that such a noble and 
important Samurai like you would carry this lead- 
like sword ! Listen to me now. I will give you a 
lecture. It is the Samurai's duty to protect the 
country, and it is the sword with which we Samurais 
protect the country. Do you think, could you 
fulfil your duty without a good sword ? " 

" Pardon me — it was my fault." 

" What ? ' My fault ? ' Ha, ha, ha, ha—! Do 
you think you have fulfilled your duty if you say 
simply, ' my fault ' and ' pardon ' ? Pardon for 
what ? What would you do if the war was broke ? 
Yes, we have peaceful time now. But who knows 
if something may happen in any moment — even 
this very moment while I am talking to you ? How 
can you protect our country then ? Do you think 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 177 

you are worthy of accepting your revenue from our 
Lord ? Ah, you are robbing the revenue. Yes. 
You are day-robber, you are wild animal ! " 

The most intellectual Okano had patience enough 
to receive all these insults in silence. But all other 
guests felt great unpleasantness. They began to go 
home one after another, without bidding " good 
night " to each other. 

On5, too, giving a stern gaze upon Okano once 
more, left the room. 

In the next room, Okano's young servant Naosuke 
was waiting his master. He had been overhearing 
everything which was going on in the other room. 
Now, seeing through the Shojis that his master was 
left alone, he rushed into the room and kneeled 
down before his master. " My most gracious master, 
why should you be insulted like that ? I feel sure 
that all the guests knew enough about your gener- 
osity. They must have felt all their hearty sym- 
pathy towards my kind master. However, I, your 
most loyal servant, cannot pass the things in silence. 
Pray let me go . . ." 

" Go where ? " 

" Go to fight with On5, to revenge . . ." 

" Ah, Naosuke, don't be so rashful. Calm down 
your excited heart, and listen to me. I was not too 
coward to propose a duel to him. But remember 
we Samurais are living for our country. If I and 



178 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

he had a duel, one of us must die. Then our country 
shall lose one Samurai. On5 is selfish, but in some 
way, he is quite useful man for our country. His 
life as well as mine are both needed to the country. 
That was why I kept myself quietly. Therefore 
don't be so rashful. Come, Naosuke, come home 
with me. You must be tired, so go to bed and take 
good rest." 

" My honourable master, the more I hear your 
honourable opinion, the more I appreciate. I shall 
obey to your honourable command. Oh, what a 
lucky boy I am to work under such a great master ! " 

" Well said, dear Naosuke, come, come with me." 

They went back. Naosuke entered his little bed- 
room. It was not easy task for him to go to bed 
and sleep. For he was in such a great emotion. 
Indeed, he did not sleep all night. 

'^ Ah, my honourable master is such a kind man, 
almost like Buddha, and On5 — he is a demon ! He 
knew quite well that my honourable master has sold 
his best sword in order to rescue those poor farmers, 
and fancy, that demon insulted my honourable 
master like that. I do wish I could present one of 
the best swords to my honourable master. Then 
On5 cannot insult my honourable master any more. 
Yes, yes, I shall buy one for my honourable master. 
I hear best sword cost over 1000 ryo. Let me see, 
if I save all my wages for ten years, still it won't be 



KODAN ON THE SV/ORD-MAKER 179 

enough. Oh, what shall I do ? Money, money, 
money, I do want money ! " 

Simple and innocent Naosuke got into a deep 
thought for more than two hours in midnight. 
Some bright idea came into his mind. " Yes, it is 
better to go to Osaka. I have often heard awfully 
swelled people are living in Osaka. There must be 
some chance for me to make 1000 ryo within three 
years. Yes . . . yes . . ." 

When Naosuke had decided to go to Osaka, the 
daylight was breaking up. His master Okano had 
got up. Naosuke served the breakfast to his master 
and bowed down. 

" My most gracious master, will you give me three 
years' holiday ? " 

'' Naosuke, what's matter with you this morn- 

ing?" 

" Well, my honourable master, it is my sincere 
desire to have a pilgrimage for three years. I shall 
surely come back after that ; so, my honourable 
master, pray let me go." 

Okano looked at Naosuke's face. He saw some 
tear-marks under Naosuke's eyes and the expression 
of a strong decision. Okano knew at once that he 
could not stop Naosuke. 

" Well, Naosuke, if you desire to have a holy pil- 
grimage, certainly you can go. But I shall miss you 
very much, for I have never had such honest servant 



i8o WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

like you. Be sure to come back to me again. Here 
is one ryo. It might be useful for your journey. I 
wish I could give you more, but you know I am 
very poor." 

Naosuke was moved into tears. He thought it 
would be too impolite to refuse the money, though 
he knew too well that one ryo was not easy for his 
master to give away. 

He accepted it, and it was difficult for him to 
utter the words of thanks. For a lump was in his 
throat. 

Now Naosuke started his journey to Osaka. All 
his money was gone long time before he reached to 
Osaka. For he was such a simple-minded country 
boy and everybody cheated him. However, such 
matters scarcely discouraged him, for his ambition 
was so urgent. Sometimes he walked all day with- 
out food. Sometimes he slept under a tree. At 
last he reached Osaka. He had never dreamt such 
busy and noisy big town. He was lost in web-like 
streets, but he cared nothing, for he had no definite 
destination. He was attracted by a big mountain- 
like roof of a temple. He walked into it. It was the 
sacred old temple Tenno Ji. He kneeled down 
before the image of Buddha. 

'* Oh, thou most Sacred Buddha, Hsten to my 
earnest prayer. Let me have money enough to buy 
a genuine sword for my honourable master. Teach 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER i8i 

me how to make money. May there be some very 
rich people who would employ me as a cook and give 
me the wages one thousand ryo in three years ! " 

Naosuke got back to his common sense. " Ah, 
Sacred Buddha, thou may laugh at me. Who would 
give me such wages, even if one is millionaire ? Oh, 
Sacred Buddha, how can I make that money ? Oh 
teach me, Buddha, teach me . . ." 

Suddenly he heard the sounds " cring, crang," of 
a sword-maker in distance. Now he became quite 
absent-minded. 

" What ? Hark ! Is that not a sword-maker ? 
Let me go to see him." 

He walked towards where the sound came from. 
He walked a few streets up and down, and there he 
came in front of a big gate. A large board was 
hanging in the gate. Naosuke read thus : 

" Lord of Echijen, Masamune the Sword-Maker ! " 

" Um . . . Masamune ? Why, he is the greatest 
sword-maker in the world ! " 

Naosuke walked round the wall of Masamune's 
house, and he found a little space in the wall. He 
peeped in, and now he saw the men were making 
swords, " cring, crang, cring, crang ! " They were 
very busy. 

Naosuke fixed his eyes upon them. Mosquitoes 
were biting his face, but he would not feel them. 
Those naughty town children came and pulled the 



1 82 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

ragged kimono of Naosuke. But he payed no 
attention. 

" Ah, that is the hammer o£ In. That is the 
hammer of Yo. Yes, now I know when that In 
hammer goes there, then that Yo hammer goes on 
Hke this. That's it, that's it . . ." 

The children began to feel rather nervous. 
'' Ichi ! " 

" Yes, Kame " (the names of the children). 
" You see, that dirty man is crazy, let us go, I am 
rather afraid of him." 

All the children fled away. Naosuke never took 
his eyes away from the sword-makers until they 
finished all day's work. 

Naosuke came back to his own conscience. " Why 
could I not make a best sword for my honourable 
master ? Masamune is no more than an ordinary 
human like myself. Then why could I not do what 
he could ? Yes, I shall become a sword-maker my- 
self. The Sacred Buddha has listened to my 
prayers. I prayed to get money to buy a sword and 
He made me to hear the sounds of the sword-making. 
Actually He has guided me to here. It must be His 
will to make me a sword-maker. By His sacred help 
I shall surely succeed it in three years. Oh, I thank 
Thee, most Sacred Buddha." 

Naosuke decided to become a pupil of Masamune 
the great sword-maker. 



ROD AN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 183 

" But how ? How shall I go in ? " 

Naosuke was very shy before those young pupils, 
because they were town people and dressed up 
rather smart. He was loitering about in front of 
the gate for a while. He hesitated to get in. All 
the pupils were coming out of the gate. Perhaps 
they were going to their evening bath. Naosuke hid 
himself behind the wall until they were gone far 
away. He peeped inside the house and saw the 
great sword-maker Masamune alone. 

" Oh, this is good chance for me to ask ! " 

Naosuke was too excited and he shouted loudly. 
The sword-maker heard his voice. 

" What ? What is good chance for . . . ? Who 
is that man standing at my gate ? You dirty beggar, 
there is not much chance in this house for you. 
Get out there. If you feel too hungry go round to 
my kitchen door. The cook will give you something 
to eat." 

" Oh, great professor, no wonder that you may 
think I am a beggar because I am in such rags. But 
I am not a beggar. What I earnestly wish to ask 
you is not food. Will you not make me your pupil ? 
I have come all this long way from Akao for that 
purpose." 

" Um . . . m, poor boy. Give up your foolish 
ambition at once. I tell you why. The sword- 
making is the most difficult art. Very few people 



1 84 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

succeed with it. Look at those pupils of mine. 
Some of them have been working here for more 
than ten years. Yet they cannot produce a single 
sword. You see how discouraging is the sword- 
making. I would not tell you anything bad for 
your own sake. So listen to my advice. It would 
be so much better for you to change your mind and 
get a situation at grocer's or drug stores. That 
would be much safer for you." 

'' Great professor, how honourably unsympathetic 
you are ! I have no other desire than to be a sword- 
maker. If you would not take me as your pupil I 
rather die." 

" Here, here, where are you going ? " 

" I am going to drown myself in that old well 
there." 

" Oh, you troublesome boy. Pray don't give me 
such trouble with your dead body." 

'' Then, will you take me as your pupil ? " 

" Well." 

" Well, great professor, I beseech you." 

" If you are so earnest, I may take you as my pupil. 
But it is the strictest law of my house that all the 
pupils should have one reliable person as their 
guarantee. Have you any person to guarantee you ? " 

" Yes, great professor. My honourable master in 
Akao will surely guarantee me." 

" Here, here, here. That won't do. What is 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 185 

the use to talk of a man who lives three hundred 
miles away ? Don't you know any one in Osaka ? " 

" Oh, yes. I know one very, very kind gentleman 
who has listened to my prayer. He lives in that 
large temple just there, you see." 

" Ah, you mean the temple Tenno Ji. And so 
you know the priest of that temple ? " 

" Oh, no. I don't know the priest at all, sir. My 
guarantee is that big gentleman who is sitting in 
the middle of the temple. He does not speak at 
all, but he always listens to any earnest prayer . . ." 

" You mean that wooden figure of Buddha ? " 

" Yes, great professor." 

" That won't do. Unless you know any living 
person in Osaka I cannot take you as my pupil." 

" Then you say I cannot be a sword-maker ? Let 
me go and drown myself in that well." 

'' Wait, wait, my boy. You are a very funny boy. 
It seems you are really earnest to be a sword-maker. 
Perhaps your earnestness may make you succeed. 
I shall take you as my pupil. Anyhow, I must not 
violate my house law. You need a guarantee which 
I shall make for you. What is your name ? What ? 
Naosuke ? Very well." 

Masamune took out his little pocket dagger. 

'' Now, Naosuke, you see this is your guarantee. 
If something happens to you, this dagger shall go 
into your breast immediately." 



1 86 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

" Yes, great professor. If I commit dishonestness 
or immorality you may honourably kill me any 
moment." 

Thus Naosuke became a pupil of the great sword- 
maker Masamune. For the first six months he was 
not allowed to study the sword-making. His daily 
duty was to sweep the rooms and brush his master's 
kimonos. But Naosuke was too earnest to pass the 
spare time idly. He watched the great sword- 
maker's works, and in the nights, when every one 
went to bed he used to go to the study-room 
and pick up a piece of steel and try his hammer 
upon it. 

A New Year Eve came when all the pupils had to 
show their best works to the teacher. One of the 
elder pupils brought a box full of swords to Masa- 
mune. The latter opened the box and took out the 
swords one after another. 

" Whose work is it ? " 

One of the pupils replied, " Mine." 

" No good. Who has done the next one ? " 

Another pupil shouted out, " I." 

" No good." 

There were twenty or thirty swords. Masamune 
was pleased with none of them. He saw a little 
piece of steel in the bottom of the box. He took it 
out and looked at it. " Splendid ! how splendid ! 
Who has done it ? " 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 187 

All the pupils looked to each other's faces — 
" You ? " " No." " You ? " " Who has done 
that ? " 

Nobody answered. It was by Naosuke. He had 
been studying hard in the night quite secretly after 
everybody slept. And v/hen all the pupils were 
away he threw his work into that box. Now 
Naosuke was too shy to tell the teacher that it was 
his work. But in his heart he was very pleased with 
that. A few months passed since then when the 
Emperor commanded Masamune to make a sacred 
sword for His Majesty. 

Masamune lamented, " Although I have more 
than twenty pupils, none of them is worthy to do 
my assistant hammer. I shall never be able to make 
a perfect sv/ord for the Emperor." 

Naosuke bowed down before Masamune. " My 
honourable great professor, pray let me do your 
assistant hammer." 

Masamune laughed at him. 

" You are a funny boy, just as usual. But if you 
wish you may try. Now, come on, my crazy boy." 

They went to the working-room. 

Masamune put a roughly done steel into the 
furnace, and when it became quite red he put it on 
the anvil, and he struck it with his hammer first — 
" Cring ! " 

" Now, Naosuke, it is your turn." 



1 88 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Naosuke put his hammer into the right place — 
" Crang ! " 

" Splendid ! " 

But Masamune had doubt . . . Perhaps it was 
quite accidentally right to such an amateur boy. 
" Now let us do the quick hammering. Cring, 
crang, cring, crang ! " 

Every one o£ Naosuke's hammers was as sure as 
his first one. The sword was done most satisfactorily. 
No sooner Masamune put the sword into the water 
than he produced his dagger. He was in a great 
anger. " Here is your guarantee. You spy ! Tell 
me your real name before you die ! Yes, you are a 
spy. You are a traitor ! You disguised yourself as 
a miserable country boy, and came to dwell in my 
house to find out all my secret arts. You cannot 
conceal the fact to me any longer. For your ham- 
mering told me that. It is that of a professional 
one. No amateur boy could give such stroke. Now 
confess everything and die as a man." 

The tears were flowing freely from Naosuke's eye. 
" My honourable great fprofessor, my real name 
is no more than Naosuke. Death is not what I am 
afraid of. But I weep for my joy. Yes, I feel most 
contented to think that you suspect me as a pro- 
fessional sword-maker. My honourable great pro- 
fessor, pray listen to my life-story . . ." 

Here Naosuke told Masamune how his master was 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 189 

insulted about the sword, and how he came out to 
Osaka. 

Masamune's anger was melted into sympathy and 
admiration. He, too, wept. 

" Naosuke, my dear boy. You are most wonderful 
boy I have ever seen or heard. Surely Buddha is 
assisting your most noble spirit, or else who could 
have done such work ? Be courageous, you shall 
soon be able to fulfil your ambition. How delighted 
would be your master at Akao then ! Study hard, 
I shall help you in anything I can do." 

Naosuke was delighted, and he worked day and 
night. He made several swords. Every one of them 
was excellent. Some critics thought they were even 
better than his master's work. 

The Emperor gave him a title — " Lord of Omi " 
— and he changed his name into Sukenao. 

Nearly three years elapsed. He said to Masamune, 
" I think now the time has come for me to make a 
sword for my master." He began to make a special 
sword. He worked until midnight or even to early 
morning. Masamune used to hear the sound of 
hammer from his bed. " What an intelligent boy 
he is ! He is still working ! " 

It was the very last night. The young sword- 
maker was hammering the finishing touch. Masa- 
mune was listening to the sounds as usual. " Won- 
derful, simply wonderful strokes. I fear he can use 



190 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

the hammer far better than me ! . . . What ! . . . 
I hear the sound of two hammers. Somebody is 
assisting him ! Assisting hammer sounds most per- 
fect. Who is assisting him, I wonder ! " 

Masamune got up from his bed and crept to the 
working room. He peeped into the room through 
the crack of the door. Lo ! there was nobody be- 
side Sukenao, but some radiance made Masamune's 
eyes quite dazzled ! 

" Ah, it is the sacred Buddha who is helping 
Sukenao ! It is too sacred place for me to peep 
in!" 

He went back to his own bed. 

From the next day Sukenao was quite busy for a 
month more to finish the beautiful sheath. Now 
the whole sword was done most perfectly. 

Sukenao bid the farewell to Masamune and went 
back with that sword to Akao. Everything was 
exactly the same as three years ago when he left 
there. He went to Okano's house. 

" My honourable master." 

" Oh, you are Naosuke. I am so glad to see you 
back. Have you enjoyed your pilgrimage very 
much ? You are dressed up very nice. What is 
the matter with you ? " 

" My honourable master, I have brought a sword 
to you." 

" A sword for me ? " 



KODAN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 



191 



" Yes, my honourable master. You honourably 
remember that night you were insulted by that 
dreadful man. I was so sorry for you. I asked you 
to give me three years' holiday, all because I 
wanted to present you a nice sword. It is nearly 
three years and here is a sword for you." 

Okano took the sword into his hand. " What a 
beautiful sheath it is ! How could you get such an 
extravagant sword for me ? " 

'' Well, my honourable master, please draw it and 
see the inside." 

Okano drew it from the sheath. 

" Wonderful sword ! I have never seen such a 
good sword before." 

" My honourable master, can you guess whose 
work it is ? " 

" Well, let me see . . . the way of burning the 
steel and the hammering are very much like Masa- 
mune's. But the edge is clearer than his. I hear 
Masamune has got a young pupil quite lately, and 
he is such a wonderful young man. Within three 
years he became a great sword-maker. His work is 
even better than Masamune's. He is known by the 
name ' Lord of Omi.' I wonder if this sword is 
by the Lord of Omi ? " 

" My honourable master, it is exactly so, and your 
humble servant Naosuke himself is Lord of Omi, 
Sukenao." 



192 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

" What ? ... You are Lord of Omi ? '' 

Naturally Okano could not believe that for a 
moment ! But Naosuke (now Lord of Omi, 
Sukenao) told him all about what he had done 
during his absence. 

Okano was moved to tears. 

" My most noble Lord of Omi, you are just the 
blossom of Lotus which grows in muddy water, yet 
is the purest and most sacred, and gives the sweetest 
fragrance to the world. That is why it is the favourite 
flower of Buddha. Nowadays, peoples high and low, 
rich and poor, all the same, are getting into the 
lower and lower moral every day. Sometimes 
masters try to be kind to their servants, but servants 
pay no loyal thoughts to them. You are the reverse. 
I have done nothing to you to get any rewards. 
But you yourself have been so loyal to me to pro- 
duce such a beautiful sword for me. No wonder 
why Buddha has made you his favourite. 

" You have succeeded the most difficult art by 
the help of Buddha. No more could I call you my 
servant. Nay, since now, I shall be your obedient 
servant." 

" My honourable master, pray let me be still 
your servant, and accept this sword as a present 
from your humble obedient servant." 

Okano could no longer refuse the present, so he 
accepted it with a deep appreciation. Perhaps to 



ROD AN ON THE SWORD-MAKER 193 

Okano that high Bushido of Sukenao was itself still 
nobler gift than the sword itself. 

Just at this time that famous tragedy of 47 
Ronins happened. Okano joined as one of 47 
Ronins and went to attack K5 with that very sword. 
He succeeded his loyalty to Daimyo Asano. But he 
himself had to commit Harakiri for offending the 
National Law. 

Lord of Omi, Naosuke lamented : 

" With my sword my honourable master made his 
name, and — with my sword he had to die. Such is 
this world." 

He shaved his head and became a priest, and in a 
little monastery he passed all his life for praying the 
salvation of his master's soul. 



CHAPTER XVII 

FOR AMERICA AT LAST 

TT was quite an urgent matter for me to find out 
a situation to get my daily bread (daily rice, 
rather) as well as some money for going abroad. 
As I had a little experience about dentistry I de- 
cided to become an assistant for a dentist. Luckily 
I secured this post immediately with Dr. Izawa, a 
famous dentist in Tokio then. But this did not last 
more than a fortnight. For that disgusting ques- 
tion has arisen to me again, ^' whether I should have 
to inherit my relative's family." I thought only the 
way for me was to leave my country immediately, 
and all my cousin-friends persuaded me to do so 
by all means. One of my girl-cousins gave me the 
money just enough for the boat- fare to America, 
and kept it quite secret to her mother. So I left the 
dentist's office. 

It was the early part of 1893, and that worst- 
natured influenza was broken out all over Japan, 
and many died. I had an alarming news from my 
home that my father got the attack of this dreadful 
illness. It made me very anxious, especially because 

194 



FOR AMERICA AT LAST 195 

he was getting quite old. I wrote to his doctor and 
asked his opinion on my father's health. I dis- 
closed to the doctor the fact that I was intending 
to go to America as soon as possible and asked him 
to keep it secret from my father. The doctor 
answered me immediately that although my father 
got a very bad influenza, there was a strong hope of 
his recovering and nothing to be alarmed about his 
life. I was afraid the doctor had told my father 
about my letter, for I got a very long letter 
from my father after a few days. In this letter he 
told me it would be a very foolish thing if a father 
prevented his son's ambition even he was on his 
death-bed. That was not his intention at all — 
moreover, he was recovering steadily, therefore I 
ought not to be anxious about anything. He desired 
me that I would go out to the wider world where I 
might be able to do some noble work freely. He 
expressed his reluctance that he could not financially 
help me, and about that he felt quite ashamed. 
(I myself could hardly read this phrase, for I had a 
big lump in my throat.) Here is the direct transla- 
tion of the last part of his letter, " Selfishness and 
greediness is often the quickest way to reach to the 
goal. But I pray you, my son, choose the longer 
and slower way, which is justice. For you shall have 
a greatest pleasantness in your conscience, w^hich is 
your own reward. 



196 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

" Try always to control your temper. If you are 
excited, don't utter a single word immediately, but 
bend your thumb and fingers counting i, 2, 3, 4, 
and 5. By that time you shall be able to come back 
to your calm conscience. This is the way to escape 
the danger on your own life. I earnestly wish to 
see your success, but perhaps I may not, for your 
destination is a long way off, while lam getting so old. 

" However, I have a great confidence upon you. 
If I am not in this world when you succeed, just 
recollect that I, your affectionate father, was 
anticipating that a long time ago. I shall not write 
you any more, because you may be drowned in my 
paternal affection towards you, and you will prob- 
ably lose your pluck. Think that I am already dead 
now, and go straight on without looking back. 
Neither do I want you to come back to say * good- 
bye ' to us. For it will make you feel very difficult 
to depart." I read this letter again and again, and 
gazing towards my home, I worshipped my father. 

One evening I went to see Yebina to show him 
my father's letter. He enthusiastically persuaded 
me to leave Japan at once, or else some trouble 
should be fallen upon myself soon. But on the very 
next morning I had such a bad headache, I kept 
myself in bed until he finished his breakfast. He 
came to my bed. I told him laughingly that I was 
too ill to get up. He did not believe me. He took 



FOR AMERICA AT LAST 197 

off my bedcloth, saying, " You are too lazy to be 
anything." I laughed more and got up and left 
his house. It was very difficult to reach to the house 
of my other cousin Goto. When I arrived to his 
house I could hardly speak. I laid myself in bed 
immediately. My cousin-doctor Kawanishi came. 
He saw me and sighed, " How dare you walk such 
a distance in this greatest fever ! Look at my ther- 
mometer, it reaches the highest mark I have ever 
experienced." (I forget what degree it was). He 
was rather alarmed because the fever was getting 
into my heart. I remember he pasted something 
like mustard on my back to concentrate all the fever 
there, and prevent it going into the heart. It was 
awfully trying thing and I so often wanted to 
scratch it off, but I was not allowed. My eyes were 
so dim and I could not face towards the light. My 
bedroom was shut dark for about a week. Yebina, 
hearing my ill news, rushed in. He kneeled down 
by the side of my bed and took my hand. I saw 
him in tears. He was half-sad and half-perplexed. 
He said to me, " Why ever have you hid your pains 
to your dearest cousin-friend the other morning ? 
You were laughing so jolly and I never thought 
you were really ill ! " 

I told him not to worry about me in that way, for 
I knew he did not think I was so very ill. 

About ten days' time I was getting improved little 



198 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

by little, and my brain began to work in every 
way. There was one Kakemono hung on the 
wall. It was a picture of some ancient Chinese 
sages having promenade in a sacred mountain. 
Watching this picture every day I began to feel 
that my all-self was a part of the picture. I said to 
Goto, " What is the use to struggle in this dirty 
world ? What is fame ? What is wealth and what is 
love ? After all they all are nothing but temporary 
dreams. I want to give up this world altogether and 
live in the monastery of Koya San (the most sacred 
Buddhist monastery in Japan), and pass all my life 
quite sacred, like those sages in that picture." Goto 
was very surprised at me. 

" What are you talking about, my dear Heiji ? 
Why are you so changed ? I thought you were the 
most ambitious boy to do something in this world. 
Besides, you must remember our life is mutual. 
You cannot be so selfish to yourself. This world is 
calling you forward. It is your duty to struggle in 
this world." 

" No, no, let somebody else do their duty in this 
world. I have given up all my hope. I shall resign 
in the monastery." 

" Resign ? Nonsense ! You haven't started any- 
thing yet. I know what you are now. You have 
been attacked by such a severe influenza and your 
health is not in normal state now. That is whv 



FOR AMERICA AT LAST 199 

you are looking at everything as negative. Never 
mind, when you get quite well you will return to 
the same Heiji whom I knew before." 

His statement was quite true. For when I got 
up and had the first walk in Uyeno Park and Muko- 
Jima everything looked quite bright. They say in 
Japan, " During three days' absence, this world is 
turned into the cherry blossom ! " When I got ill 
it was all winter view, but now I saw all the cherries 
were blossomed very gay. Butterflies were enjoying 
the spring sunbeams and flying so light above our 
heads and all the trees dressed themselves in the 
new tender green foliages ! Oh, those tender greens ! 
How very delightful to look at ! I thought in my 
mind. Oh, let my destination be America or Europe, 
or even the end of the world ! there must be trees 
wherever I go, and if I could see those tender 
foliages they would always con;ifort my hard life 
enough. My heart began to be filled up with my 
ambition again. 

When one is anxious of his future life, he often 
gets into superstition and I was too weak to be 
the exception from this rule. Readers, you may 
laugh, but it is true that I went to several fortune- 
tellers. There was a Buddhist priest who was a 
very famous fortune-teller. I visited on him first. 
He saw my face and hands and said, '* You shall 
live very long, perhaps over ninety." 



200 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



I said, " Anything else ? Can I travel a great 
deal ? " 

He said, '' Yes, you can." 

" To abroad ? " 

" What ? To abroad ? You are too ambitious. 
I see in your face nothing uncommon. You may 
travel all over Japan, you may have very easy time 




A FORTUNE-TELLER AND I 



all through your life, and you shall never meet any 
danger, but you cannot distinguish yourself very 
much." 

I sighed, *' Oh, such a fate shall be mine, thank 
you. Good-bye." 

I called on another fortune-teller. I had to pay 
one yen and half. I kept it secret to all my cousin- 
friends, for they would get angry with me. This 
one said, I may travel to abroad, but I could not 



FOR AMERICA AI LAST 201 

succeed in the foreign country. I should be obliged 
to come back quite disappointed. Another fortune- 
teller said, " You shall get into a great trouble with 
some women, your countenance tells me you shall 
be turned into a beggar." 

Every one of them informed me awfully unfavour- 
able news upon my future, and to tell the truth, I 
was very upset. But I often recollect " you shall 
be turned into a beggar." It was true. For I 
was almost a beggar in San Francisco and in London, 
and also to get " into a great trouble with some 
women " was not quite untrue. 

At that time, there was a girl who was in love 
with me. She went to Kannon Sama of Asakusa 
and brought me a printed fortune-telling sealed in 
an envelope. We opened it and found out the 
writing something like this : 

" At the present moment you are under a dark 
cloud. If you move far off you shall come out to 
the bright sunshine. Take no notice of any woman, 
she will only prevent your ambition." The girl 
cried very bitterly, for she wanted our union in the 
future. Although I was much delighted and en- 
couraged by the first part of that writing I, too, 
shed tears. I felt extremely sorry for her. Indeed 
I had nothing to be afraid in this world, but the 
tears of women and children. Even now, I am 
always ready to fight against any strong attack by 



202 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

pen as well as by sword, because I have self-con- 
fidence that I am sincere. But for the tears of those 
tender and helpless women and children, I give away 
all my heart. 

In fact, this matter made a great delay of my 
coming out to America. My cousin-friends recog- 
nized the fact, and some of them ventured to per- 
suade the girl not to prevent my ambition. The 
girl was admirably in Bushido. She sacrificed her 
own love and began to help me to prepare my 
journey. It was the last part of June of 1893 that 
I prepared myself for the voyage. I sincerely 
thank to my cousin Goto, who did all what he could 
for me. He thought I needed some little pocket- 
money. He pawned his own things to raise up 
money for me. It was raining hard every day. 
Through this wet weather, he took a great trouble 
by running about everywhere, and he took me to 
Professor Shiga, who gave me an introduction letter 
to Baron Chinda, the Japanese Consul in San 
Francisco then. I went to the steamship company 
in Yokohama to buy a steerage ticket to San Fran- 
cisco. The boat was Feru. The clerks of the com- 
pany were standing inside the high office desks. 
One of them asked me my full name, my age, and 
address, and the object why I go to America. I 
felt as if I was summoned to the court. I confessed 
all the truth. One of my friends said to me, " You 



FOR AMERICA AT LAST 203 

are going as a steerage passenger ? You are too 
delicate. You will die before you reach Honolulu. 
If you feel too uncomfortable in the steerage, give 
a few coins to the stewards, they may easily put 
you in a cabin." 

I said, " Oh, no, it does not seem quite right to 
do such thing instead of paying the full fare to 
the steamship company." He laughed and said, 
" Never mind about the steamship company, they 
are very rich and they don't expect to make money 
out of your poor pocket." 

June 28th of 1893 our steamer Peru was to sail to 
San Francisco. Early on the same morning, I called 
on one of my friends in Yokohama. In a Japanese 
house we have to take off our footgears at the 
entrance. When I said good-bye to my friend and 
came out to the entrance, I found out some thief 
had stolen my boots. My friend went to a boot 
shop to buy another pair for me. But the shopman 
refused to take the American coin into which 
I had exchanged all my money the day before. 
I was in too hurry to bother this matter, for 
our steamer had to sail in a short time. My girl- 
cousin paid it and said it was her farewell present 
to me. 

At 9 a.m. I, with a few cousin-friends, went to 
the wharf to engage a small boat to reach to the 
Peru, which anchored a mile away in the bay. My 



204 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

aunt arrived at the spot just the time. I was quite 
astonished and rather nervous that she might stop 
me. However, she did not. She said to me, *' My 
dear boy, why have you not told me before that 
you were going away ? I have almost lost the chance 
to say farewell to you ! " 

I was much relieved. 

We all got on board the Peru in half an hour 
later. A steward took me to a small steerage com- 
partment where twelve berths were arranged in 
three rows. I had only one small bag, which he 
pushed underneath the berth. There I found about 
ten Japanese emigrants taking the other berths. 
All the sailors seemed very busy, they were running 
about on deck except two night watches, who were 
just climbing up the rope stairs from the sea after 
their swim. The steam whistle was blown ever so 
loudly. One steward was shouting to the visitors 
to clear out the boat. I simply said " Shikkei " to 
all my friends. No sooner all my friends got into 
the small boat than our engine began to work. The 
dark blue sea was transformed into white foam by 
the propeller. The keel was turned towards our 
destination, and I noticed the hills began to move 
slowly. I felt as if I were ascending towards the 
heaven. My heart cried out, " Oh, at last ! My 
ambition at last ! Freedom ! Yes, freedom from 
that unnatural marriage ! I am ready to penetrate 



FOR AMERICA A7 LAST 205 

through any hardship of my Hfe, even if it were 
harder than the rock ! " 

But when I looked towards the wharf, I saw all my 
friends were just getting on the shore from the 
boat. They looked smaller than ants. It was my 
farewell to them and I drooped my head. My 
sentimental heart was struck too much to utter a 
single word. 



CHAPTER XVIII 

MY EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 

/^N the early morning of July 15th, 1893, the 
^^^ s.s. Peru arrived at Golden Gate and I was on 
her board. The word " Asiatic steerage " is some- 
thing more than dreadful for me to recollect now. 
Only those Chinese and Japanese labourers were 
in this class. First few days I could not eat the food 
they gave me. It was something more like the foods 
for dogs or horses. But I was lucky enough to be 
petted by those night watchmen. I don't know 
why they were so kind to me. Perhaps I was the 
youngest and neatest. They used to bring me some 
nice dishes. " Don't show that to the steward," 
they warned me. One Chinese boy, Han tsu 
Gi-Lon, was especially so kind. He was far more 
educated than those average Chinese. I used 
to have the conversation with him by writing, 
and he composed poetries ; some of them were 
quite good. I still remember the names of two of 
those American night watchmen. One vv^as called 
Hinton and the other Black. They became great 
friends. I believed and trusted everybody, and 

206 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 207 

very often I mistook even their sneerings as kindness 
instead, all through my ignorance of their English 
(American, to speak more correctly !). One evening 
I went up to the deck, and it vv^as rather cold, so I 
wrapped up myself with a rug. I looked just like 
Daruma (an image of a Buddhist disciple). A 
negro boy pointed on me and shouted, " Jesus 




A NEGRO SV/ORE AT ME 



Christ ! " Of course, I did not know anything about 
the American swearing ; so I was quite pleased to 
be called Christ, who is equal with Buddha in Japan. 
Black and Hinton looked sorry for me and told me 
" not to let a negro swear at me." 

The negro himself found out that I was such a 
hopeless boy to swear at, and he afterwards became 
a real friend of mine and he taught me how to 
play " casino." Among the first-cabin passengers 



2o8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

there was Mr. Tsuda, an old Japanese gentleman 
well known by his intemperance work. He often 
invited me to his cabin. 

During all through the voyage I had something 
so seriously to worry. It was just the time that the 
emigration law was established in America, and 
I v/as told that some American officers would come 
on board and examine all the steerage passengers, 
and if one had not more than one hundred dollars, 
he would not be allowed to land. 

Alas ! I had a little less than twenty dollars, 
and I spent about thirteen dollars at Honolulu. 
I told about this to all my Japanese, Chinese, and 
American friends. They all said I need not worry 
about that, because I was not a labourer. Some 
of them suggested me that if the officer asked me 
how much I had, I should say, " Several hundred 
dollars, which I have sent to some bank in San 
Francisco." I said I could not lie like that, and if 
I tried to lie, my expression changed immediately 
and they would find out the truth. And I wept. 
One or two of them soothed me tenderly and said 
it was not quite necessary to lie, but the officers 
would surely pass me. 

I spoke this matter to Mr. Tsuda at last. He 
gave me such a happy idea. He said he would 
accompany me to the officer and tell the officer 
that I am his personal friend, and if the money 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 209 

was necessary he would show his own money. 
Oh, I felt so easy and happy, as if I had met with 
a Buddha in the Hell. 

All the passengers were excited on the night 
of July 14th, because we had to land on the next 
morning. Perhaps I was the most excited one. 
I could not sleep, so I was on the deck all night. 
About 2 a.m. I saw a light above the horizon. 
It was the pilot boat which was to lead our boat. 
Half an hour later I saw a hilly land on the right 
side, with plenty of electric illumination. That 
was San Francisco, the very destination of mine. 
How very beautiful city it must be ! 

We were soon enveloped into a thick mist. 
Nothing could be seen, and our boat stopped her 
engines. A few hours passed before the mist 
cleared up. About ten o'clock the Peru began 
to move on slowly. On the shore we saw many 
labourers were at work to take out the coals with 
transporter from the boats. I have never seen 
such severe work. Their faces were quite black 
with the coal dust, and the terrible sound of the 
transporter were deafening. 

Mr. Tsuda pointed them out and said to me, 
" You must go through that sort of life ! " 

" Quite willingly ! " I answered him, with such 
courage. Who knows, this courageous feeling of 
mine had to be swept away by some great dis- 



210 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

appointment ! What was my disappointment, 
then ? Well, however dusty their faces were, 
however hard they were working, those white 
races are treated as humans. And it was quite 
different matter with us Japanese. The readers 
must be patient until you come to read my experi- 
ences later on, unless you have witnessed Japanese 
life in California. 

Our boat arrived at the wharf at last. Hundreds 
of Chinese were made into rows on the deck. 
Several officers of the emigration came to examine 
the Chinese. I saw my dear friend Han tsu Gi-Lon 
in the row. He had put on his best silk robe for 
landing. The officers were making mark on the 
back of each Chinese with chalk, and so pitilessly 
an officer made a big mark on my friend's shoulder, 
then they were shouting and pushing and kicking 
those poor Chinese. 

Oh, what on earth does that mean ? I have 
never seen the human beings treated like that 
before. The English shepherds would treat their 
sheeps much tenderer ! 

I went straight to Han tsu Gi-Lon and shook 
his hand. ** I cannot bear to see you treated like 
this. It makes me feel so sad." 

My Chinese friend seemed not much minded. 

'' Ah, alio Melicans do the same. You savez. 
Hip allight." Then he took out a piece of paper 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 211 

and wrote his address in Sacramento Street, and 
asked me to call on him. An emigration officer 
came to us and shouted, " What are you doing 
here ? You, Jap, have nothing to do with the 
Chinamen ! " I politely explained him, with my 
very broken English, that that Chinese was my 
dear friend. 

The officer, without single word, pushed me 
away so roughly. I could not even weep. No, 
it was beyond that. I was really angry. I said 
to myself, " Oh, how mistaken I was to think 
America was one of the most civilized countries ! 
This is really most barbarous country indeed." 

Mr. Tsuda came to me and said, " Now you 
must go to that room where you shall be examined." 

I followed after him. In the room I found 
out the American officer with an interpreter and 
two Japanese gentlemen. One of them, I under- 
stood, was Mr. Chinda, the Japanese Consul, to 
whom I had an introduction letter. 

The officer asked me, " What for you come to 
America ? " I said directly to him in English, 
" For studying." 

" Do you know anybody in San Francisco ? " 

I said, " No. But I have an introduction to 
the Japanese Consul," and I pulled out the letter 
from my pocket and was going to give it to Mr. 
Chinda. Mr. Chinda shook his head. I under- 



212 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

stood that he meant I mustn't do that there. 
The officer announced, " Pass ! " Mr. Tsuda and I 
were both so delighted. But I met another difficulty. 
Mr. Tsuda landed quite safe from the cabin 
gangway. He hired a cab and beckoned me to 
land at once. Alas, no ladders were put from the 
steerage deck ! 

I saw some sailors were arranging two narrow 
boards from the deck to the wharf. I thought 
it was for me to land. I stepped on them. Lo ! 
they were so flexible and so slippery that I slipped 
right down to the wharf. They shouted after me, 
" Here, here, what are you doing ? " 

Afterwards I learnt that was for sliding the 
luggages ! 

After I joined to Mr. Tsuda I found out I had 
forgotten my bag on board. I wanted to get on 
board again, but I was not allowed. 

One of the Japanese steerage passengers shouted, 
" Never mind. I shall bring that out for you." 

I said, '* Nothing much in it, so if it is too 
troublesome for you, throw it into the water." 

However, he was kind enough to take care of 
it, and brought it out after half a day's delay 
(all the steerage passengers had to be detained 
half-day). Mr. Tsuda and I drove to a Japanese 
Mission in Mission Street. 

Many young Japanese were in a room where I 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 213 

entered in. I was quite shocked with the topic 
of their conversation. It seemed to me a dream 
of dreams. Most of them seemed to be proud of 
being " Americanized." They were even calling 
each other with such Christian names as " Charlie," 
" Jack," '' Joe " ! Fancy giving up their own 
Japanese names which their beloved parents gave 
them ! Let me write down a sketch of their 
conversation. 

" Charlie, what are you doing now ? " 

'' I ? I got a job — three dollars and half a 
week ! " 

" What is it ? " 

*' Well, cook ; but the mistress talks awfully lots. 
She is a cat ! And what about yourself, Joe ? " 

" General housework ! Only two in family and 
two dollars and half. They say they will raise 
up to three later on." 

" Oh, you are a lucky dog ! " 

" And you, Tom ? " 

" I have no work ; I am trying to get a job as 
a ' schoolboy.' " 

I myself sat down on a chair in the corner and 
drooped my head and kept silence. One of them 
came to me and said, " I suppose you are green, 
aren't you ? You better to hurry up. When 
the rainy season comes, you cannot get any work, 
you know ! " 



214 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I said very timidly, " Could we not get any 
work a little more manly than domestic ? " 

They laughed at me and said, " That is why 
we call you ' green.' Um, do you think the 
whites would give us a chance beside domestic, or 
fruit-picking, or railway-laying ? " 

But at that moment I was foolish enough to 
believe I could make money by the brain. 

On the same night there was Dai Nippon Jin 
Kai (social meeting of the great Japan). In Japan 
we have many associations and clubs with the 
names " Dai Nippon so-and-so." To me '' Great 
Nippon " sounded something very noble ; so I 
was much flattered to attend to Dai Nippon Jin 
Kai. I went out in the street and asked a police- 
men where was the meeting. He asked his comrade, 
" Where are Japs going to have a meeting ? " 
Fancy, the Californian translation for " Great 
Nippon " is '' Japs " ! It gave away loo per cent 
of dignity. I was so astonished, and the shock 
went deeply into my spine. 

In that meeting Rev. Harris and Mr. Chinda 
had the demonstration about the Japanese educa- 
tion in California. Whereupon I learnt a great 
lesson : For the first time in my life I realized the 
critical question about Japanese in California. I 
most sincerely appreciated the kindness of Rev. 
Harris, who was trying so hard to protect us ! 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 215 

The next day I went to the Golden Gate Park 
with another Japanese. Whenever we passed 
before the crowds, they shouted '' Jap ! " and 
" Sukebei ! " (the latter word is too rude to trans- 
late). Then some of them even spat on us. When 
we came out to the corner of Geary Street pebbles 
were showered upon us ! That was my first and 
very last visit to the Golden Gate Park ! 

By the experiences day after day, I had learnt 
that there was nothing but domestic work left 
for my livelihood, because the Californians didn't 
recognize us as the humans and they wouldn't 
accept any of our brain work. I thought, " How 
dreadful that is ! " But I had to go through it, 
for my last nickel was gone within a week and I 
had to get any work immediately. I decided myself 
that as long as I did domestic work I should per- 
severe everything in silence ; because it would be 
absolutely foolish to talk about dignity after making 
myself as a slave. 

I was told there was one job as a '* schoolboy " 
in Sutter Street near Steiner Street. First thing 
I had to do was to buy a white coat and apron. 
Some Japanese lent me the money for that. Then 
he took me to the house. He settled my wage with 
the " ma'am " — one dollar and half a week. 

Immediately the ma'am demanded me to scrub 
the kitchen floor. I took one hour to finish. Then 



2i6 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I had to v/ash windows. That was very difficult 
job for me. Three windows for another hour ! 
She said, '* You are slow worker, but you do every- 
thing so neat. Never mind ; you will learn by and 
by. I like you very much." 

In the evening her husband, sons, and daughters 
came back. The whole family was eight in number. 
The ma'am taught me how to cook. 

She asked me if my name was *' Charlie." I 
said, " Yes, ma'am." At the dinner-table, she 
called, " CharHe, Charlie." But by that time I 
had quite forgotten that " Charlie " was my own 
name ; so I did not answer. I was sitting on the 
kitchen chair and thinking what a change of life it 
v^'as. The ma'am came into the kitchen and was so 
furious ! It was such a hard work for me to wash up 
all dishes, pans, glasses, etc., after the dinner. When 
I v/ent into the dining-room to put all silvers on 
sideboard, I saw the reflection of myself on the 
looking-glass. In a white coat and apron ! I could 
not control my feelings. The tears so freely flowed 
out from my eyes, and I buried my face with my 
both arms. One of the daughters noticed that and 
asked me what was the matter. I said, " Nothing, 
miss." The rest of the family came in. She 
said to them, " Something is not quite right 
with this little Jap." But by that time I had 
quite recovered from my foolish misery. So I 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 217 
laughed, and they all called me " a funny little 

I think I worked there about four days. Such 
a hard work from six in the morning until ten 
in the night ! On the fourth or fifth evening I 
went to the Japanese Y.M.C.A. in Height Street, 
where one of my villagers was. I told him all 
about my daily work. He was so surprised. He 
said, " That is not a schoolboy, but the general 
housework. If you work as a schoolboy you ought 
to get time for the school hours. I suppose they 
are taking advantage of you, because you are green. 
Ask them to give you time to study." 

There I learnt a new lesson and I went back 
to my room to sleep. All night I was thinking 
what to do. I hated to have any dispute which 
the servants generally do with their mistress. 
So I had come to the conclusion to leave that 
house altogether. At the luncheon-time next 
day, when there were the ma'am and her elder 
daughter, I simply said this, " Please let me go 
immediately." 

They asked me why I wanted to go away. I 
said, " Because I want to go away." They did 
not want to lose " a nice little Jap they have 
ever had." But after a few minutes the daughter 
broke in, '' Oh, let him go av/ay ; we have no 
right to stop him against his will ! " (I think 



21 8 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

this is the real American spirit, and I admire it 
so much. Even now I cannot forget.) 

The mother lost her temper and shouted, " That 
is not your business." Whereupon the daughter 
was very indignant. They had a furious quarrel 
about half an hour. Then the mother insisted 
she wouldn't let me go before her husband came 
back, or else she wouldn't pay my wages. I said 
I did not want any payment and said, " Good-bye, 
ma'am and miss." When I came to the door, 
the daughter came to me and said, '' I myself will 
pay you from my own pocket," and she gave me 
one dollar. 

Since then I have been in seven or eight houses 
to work as a " schoolboy," " half-day housework," 
or a " cook." In some places I got '' sack " because 
I could not work quick enough, and in other places 
I ran away because either they did not pay me at 
all or they treated me too cruelly. In that way one 
whole year passed. During that time the Japanese 
Y.M.C.A. was my first head-quarter, but I soon 
changed it to the Een sei sha (non-Christian Associa- 
tion), where I passed my starving days' interval to 
my working days. Very often I could not pay for 
my bed, lo cents a night, and I passed whole nights 
by walking on the streets. One morning, after my 
all night walk, I called on some house in Bush 
Street where my Japanese friend was working 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 219 

as a cook. Of course, I went to the back door. 
He was so sorry for me and took me to his own 
room in down-cellar. Just while he was making 
some hot cakes for my breakfast, his ma'am came 
into the kitchen and asked him, " What for are 
you making so many hot cakes ? " Whereupon he 
replied, " These are for my own breakfast, ma'am," 
and he ate all in her presence. He told me after- 
wards that it was the hardest work for him to eat 
so much when he had no appetite, and he was so 
frightened that the lady might come into his room, 
where I was lying down, so he locked the door. 
I slept on his bed for a half-day, and when his 
ma'am went out for afternoon shopping, he put 
two boiled eggs in my pocket and made me go 
away. 

At that time I met with the Japanese Consul 
and some other elderly country-fellows, and I 
told them my ambition to become an English 
writer. They all advised me to be an artist instead, 
because the foreigners never become master of the 
other language. 

I thought they were quite right and I decided 
to study the art. I wanted to attend to the Hopkins 
Art College. But the difficulty was the expense. 
The monthly tuition was six dollars for the cast- 
class and seven dollars for the life-class. 

If I worked as a schoolboy I could get the school 



220 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

hours, but my wages were not enough to pay the 
tuition. If I tried to get enough money I could 
not get time enough. I thought the best way was 
to do some hard work and save money for study. 
So I took a job as a general houseworker and cook 
at a house on Pine Street, near Gough Street. It 
was three dollars a week. 

When my room was shown to me, I saw some 
Japanese writing on the wall. Evidently some 
Japanese had been working here before. I read 
this : 

" Beware ! This is the most horrible place, 
the ma'am is such a hard-hearted woman ! " 

I said to myself, " Very well. Let the ma'am 
be * hard-hearted ' and let this place be as * horrible ' 
as possible. I am only a slave at the present moment ; 
I shall persevere everything." But that prophesying 
was only too true. The woman (really I cannot call 
her lady) was so selfish and so bad-tempered. From 
morning till night she was grumbling at me for 
nothing. Well, I succeeded to bear that. But I 
was so unfortunate to get a severe influenza. It was 
needless to plead my illness ; so I worked just the 
same. On my every step my head felt as if it was 
going to be cracked, and the woman grumbled at 
me because my work was so slow. When I went 
to bed at ten o'clock, I felt as if some red-hot iron 
was stuck to my spine and yellow smoke was puffing 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 221 

through my nostrils. I passed three or four days 
in that way. 

My patience was broken at last, and I left that 
house after four weeks or so. All my Japanese 
friends told me that I was so pale and nothing 
but skin and bones. I got a nickname, " Kageboshi " 
(shadowy figure). 

However, I had earned a little over ten dollars. 
Some Japanese told me the best thing was to do 
day-work. By which it meant to go to the Japanese 
employment office and get jobs of cleaning windows 
and steps, etc. So I did that. Then I got a better 
job to vulcanize some false teeth for some dentists. 

By these ways I earned the money enough to 
attend to the Art College for two months. Then 
the saddest blow fell upon me. I got the news 
of my father's death in Japan. I suppose there 
is no one who doesn't feel sad by losing father. 
But I had shock more than anybody. I was so much 
attached to him, especially after my mother's 
death, and to me his one pleasing word was far more 
than thousands of nice reviews. I intended to 
succeed before he died only to see his pleasing 
smile ! 

My sister and brother wrote me all graphic 
details, and I learnt that my father was caught 
with paralysis so suddenly. They asked my father 
what were his last words to leave for me. 



222 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

He could not speak, so he wrote on a piece of 
paper, " I shall not die until I see Yoshio's success." 
It was only a few hours before he died. This made 
me quite broken down. I took out my father's last 
letter and read it again and again, and I shed my 
tears freely. I passed the first few days as a dream. 
Then I began to swear at the Creator. Why has he 
so cruelly snatched my father away ? In my boyish 
mind I thought it was too foolish to walk on the 
proper way in this beastly wretched world. So I 
became a gambler, and lived in the Chinese opium 
den. 

It did not last more than three or four weeks. 
Their brains were so low and their behaviour was 
so rough, and I could not get on well with them. 
But there I learnt a great lesson. I heard some great 
professional gambler was talking. He said, " Some 
times I come here with hundred dollars in my pocket, 
and during a night they get down to ten cents. 
However, with this ten cents I could make hundred 
dollars again. But if I bring only ten cents in my 
pocket, that ten cents never makes hundred dollars, 
nay, not ten dollars." 

This stimulated my heart so much, I said to 
myself, " Well, I came out into this world as a 
Samurai. Although I am no more than a slave 
now, I shall get back to a Samurai, wherever I go." 
Thus I determined to study hard. 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 223 

By this time I had learnt all cookings and washings 
and ironings, so I got just a suitable job for myself. 
Miss Holden, a medalist student at the Art School, 
wanted a Japanese boy at her house in Vallejo Street. 
Her family was seven in number, and I had to cook 
breakfast and dinner, and on Saturday to do washing 




AS A COOK 



half-day and house-cleaning for the other half. 
All her family treated me very tenderly. They were 
English — very English indeed. Queen Victoria's 
portrait was hung over the middle wall of the 
drawing-room ! 

I felt quite at home. They gave me all con- 
veniences for my art study. If I wanted to go 
out for sketching, they would have early break- 



224 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

fast in beds. In the evenings, when their friends 
came, I was always called to the drawing-room 
to have chat with them. I was so earnest to make 
some composition for the fortnightly competition 
at the school. I always put my half-finished 
composition on the kitchen table while I was cooking, 
and so absent-minded I was, and I made awful 
mess on the cooking. A kettle on the fire had no 
water and began to crack. I got a dipper full of 
water and poured it on mashed potatoes instead of 
in the kettle. Sometimes I burnt porridge. Some- 
times when I opened the oven I found my sponge- 
cake was transfigured into a red flaming fire. They 
always forgave my faults and passed every mistake 
simply by laughter. I worked there nearly three 
years. 

Only once I had a dreadful time which I cannot 
forget even now. Their lovely cat had four kittens. 
They asked me to take these four little kittens in 
a potato sack to the seashore near by and drown 
them ! I could not act myself as such a cruel demon. 
Yet I could not refuse the demand by my master 
and mistress. Anyhow, I took that cats-full sack 
to the seashore. I pulled one of them out and I so 
fearfully put it in a shallow water and watched it. 
It looked so miserable, so I picked it up. I went to 
a lonely street and took all kittens out of the sack 
and left them amidst the street with heartily earnest 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 225 

hope that some sympathetic person might pick 
them up. When I ran away from them, they 
cried so loud, *' Mew, mew, mew ! " Some sixteen 
or eighteen years passed since then, but even now 
I can hear their pitiful " Mew, mew " so clearly ! 

At the school I paid six dollars a month out of 
my wages, so I had only two dollars a month as my 
pocket-money, with which I had to buy all necessary 
things for my study as well as for my living. So 
naturally I could not pay traffic fares. I had to 
walk all the way. I often had bad fever on rainy 
days, because I was quite wet through, yet I had 
no other suits or boots to change. So often I 
wanted to give up this hard study. But every time 
I got some encouragement to go on. I attended 
on the cast-class for about six months, then I reached 
to the extremity of the hardship, I thought I must 
give up the school. Then Mr. Mathew (the head 
master) came to me and said, " You work so well, 
you must join to the life-class from to-morrow." 

All my classmates envied me, and I was much 
encouraged ; but, on the other hand, fancy, I 
had to pay seven dollars a month ! My pocket- 
money was reduced into one dollar a month. I 
decided to do some window-washing in the morning 
before the school hours. So I hurried to wash 
the breakfast dishes as quick as possible and went 
to the Japanese employment office to get jobs. 
Q 



226 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

One day awfully comical incident happened. 
I got a job to wash ten windows for half-dollar. 
It was a fortune for me. I carried a few rags and 
rang the bell. A young boy came out. Lo ! he 
was my classmate ! 

" Hallo, how could you find out my house ? 
Walk in ! I shall show you my sketches. Then 
have luncheon with me, and then we shall go to 
the school together." I was so shy to say I went 
there to wash v/indows, so I hid the rags in my 
pocket and did just as I was told, and I enjoyed 
myself. Afterwards I learnt that his mother went 
to the employment office and complained very much 
because they did not send her a Jap to wash windows ! 

In that way I attended to the Art School for 
eleven or twelve months with many intervals, and 
I always made my own luncheon from the breads 
given to the students for charcoal drawings. But 
as the time was passing on my suits were getting 
into rags, my boots worn out, and my shirts and 
hat getting too old to wear. Alas, I had to give 
up my school lessons. So I did all sorts of day- 
works instead of going to the school. An idea 
came into my mind that I need not attend to the 
school for landscape study. With the money I 
got by washing windows and scraping the steps 
for several months, I bought a painting-box, 
some tubes of oil-paints, and brushes, but as I 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO 227 

could not buy canvases, I asked Mr. Holden to 
give me those cigar-boxes to paint on. One day 
I went to Land's End (near Cliff House) with all 
my provisions to learn the sketching. Some 
rough boys came and destroyed all my materials. 
It was such a disheartening thing for me. I was 
so frightened to go out — even on the streets, 
they used to throw stones at me. But it must be 
remembered they are not all the haters of Japanese. 

Once while I was passing the spare ground on 
the corner of Fillmore Street and Geary Street, 
some big fellow threw a large stone at me. It struck 
my head. My hat was broken and my head got 
hurt. I never took any notice, but walked on. 

A young lady was walking on the opposite side. 
She came to me and said, " Why don't you get a 
policeman to prison him ? " 

I said, " No, ma'am. It is quite useless, ma'am. 
I tried once or twice before, but police don't take 
any notice of us Japanese." 

She expressed her deep sorrow and said she 
would speak to her father about that. 

Another time, some one spat on me, and a 
gentleman was near by. He caught that fellow 
and smacked his head. I asked the gentleman 
not to be too severe, because I was so afraid that 
fellow might revenge on me only too hard. 

Since then I tried to avoid to go out, unless it 



228 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

was quite necessary. I thought for studying 
any subject would do, to draw or paint, so I used 
to sketch books, kettles, chairs, or anything handy 
in the room. 

This is a very rough sketch of my four years' 
life in San Francisco. All the time I was thinking 
that was not the place for me to stay long. Every 
day, nay, every hour, I wanted to get out from 
this actual Hell, and come out to the " East " or 
Europe. Oh, so often I looked at the eastern sky 
and worshipped and prayed, " Let me go." On 
the August, 1897, I met with Captain Sakurai, 
who happened to be in San Francisco for building 
a Japanese cruiser there. He gave me some intro- 
duction letters to his friends in Paris and London. 
He bought one of my sketches for thirty dollars 
(I think it really did not worth a nickel). Then 
another Japanese, Mr. Ota, gave me twenty dollars. 
With this money I paid the railway fare to New 
York. 

At New York I had no less hard life — quite 
penniless again. 

I wanted to cross the Atlantic as a sailor. But 
any employment office would not give me a job as 
a sailor because I was " too delicate." I struggled 
very hard there for four months. Then one of my 
Japanese friends in San Francisco forwarded me 
fifty dollars for the boat-fare. With this I came 



EXPERIENCES IN SAN FRANCISCO iic) 

to Europe. Now San Francisco is simply my 
nightmare, yet I am most grateful to her. To con- 
fess the truth, I was such a weak-minded boy, 
especially for girls ; all my villagers thought I 
might so possibly ruin my life on account of love 
affairs. But that hard life in San Francisco saved 
me from all the temptations. 



CHAPTER XIX 

ETHIC AND RELIGION 

CINCE I left America until the first part of 1910 
I have had some struggles against my poverty 
in London. I have already written this in a book 
form by the request of my publishers. (See A 
Japanese Artist in London) 

I can divide my whole life up to this day into 
three parts. First part ends when I lost my mother 
at the age of eleven. Until that age I was a very 
spoilt boy, although I had enough worrying about 
my mother's ill-health. Second part is from the 
death of my mother until the time I left my home 
country. During this period I began my poor life. 
But my poverty did not ailect on my mind at all ; 
only the question about the Christianity was heavily 
hanging on my mind. Perhaps it was most trying 
time in my life. 

Third part of my life was spent in America and 
in London quite pennilessly. During this period I 
have practised all my philosophy and ethic on my 
poor daily life. And I have solved out many ques- 
tions about the human life, which had been quite 

230 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 231 

doubtful in my childish mind. My own philosophy 
has been getting its solid foundation in this third 
part of my life. And now I am going to write 
about it. 

The Occidental nations are generally mixing up 
the Ethic and Religion together. The reason is very 
simple. It is all because you have no other ethical 
foundation than the Bible. Therefore if one de- 
clares he is not a Christian he is soon looked down 
upon by his neighbours as " no character." When 
I was living in one of those poor lodging-houses in 
London, the landlady paid me her compliment, 
saying, " You always say you are not a Christian, 
but it seems to me you are more Christian than 
those Christians who go to the churches." 

These complimentary words themselves tell how 
you mix up the ethic with the religion. Now let 
me explain what is the pure ethic. Suppose you 
are quite alone in the desert ! There shall be no 
ethic whatever. You may swing your sword round 
freely. You may discharge your revolver in any 
direction ! Your own conscience would allow you 
to do anything you like. 

But no sooner than another human comes near 
you, you cannot do everything as you like. You 
would have to think of your companion's life, his 
liberty, nay, even of his own pleasure. Therefore, 
the thicker becomes the population around you the 



232 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

more you shall have to sacrifice your own selfishness. 
This is what I call " ethic," and if your conscience 
is perfectly sound you can perform the ethic beauti- 
fully. For your own conscience demands you to 
love all your neighbours as much as your own self. 
But in case your conscience gets disease and you dis- 
turb your neighbours' liberty, you shall deserve the 
punishment according to the degree of the damage 
you have done to your neighbours. This is what 
we call " Law." The ethic and law are most com- 
plicate things, for our human life itself is not simple 
at all. I may write a thick volume of book about 
the ethic and law, and yet it wouldn't be sufficient 
to solve every question which would occur in our 
every-day's life. Anyhow, they are just like the 
geometry : however difficult and complicated may 
be the higher geometry, if you solve every problem, 
they ought all to come to the most elemental theory 
— that is to say, " From a point to a point is the 
straight line." So with the ethic and laws ! How- 
ever complicated they may be, if you dispense each 
theory, they should come to that simplest point 
which I mentioned above. If they don't come to 
it, I must say they are neither genuine ethic nor 
genuine law, and we must get rid of them. 

But the religion or philosophy are entirely dif- 
ferent things from the ethic and law altogether. 
Even if you were quite alone in the desert, there 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 233 

you need either religion or philosophy, just to get 
the grace and peace in your heart, and it does not 
affect you whether you are among the thickly- 
populated world or in the desert quite alone. Look 
at those Epistles of St. Paul and the other saints in 
the New Testaments. They always begin their 
writing with " Grace be unto you and peace from 
God our Father," etc. etc. This is the real religion. 
Now let me explain it in the simplest words. 
Ethic and law is mutual, while the religion or philo- 
sophy is individual. For instance, look at that 
parable of the '' Rock of Ages "* (where one woman 

* By the way, when the missionaries explained me about that 
parable of " Rock of Ages," I had some queer and pecuHar feel- 
ing about the Christianity. It sounded to me awfully selfish 
religion. For the Christianity is always persuading you to in- 
dividual salvation. That is to say, you must save your own soul, not- 
withstanding about your parents' or children's or wife's and husband's 
souls at all. It naturally sounds very selfish to the Japanese whose 
heart is far too mutual to accept it. Once upon a time in Japan 
there v/as a most wicked robber called Goemon. He had a little 
boy called Goroichi. Although this boy was such a sweet darling, 
his father always took this boy whenever he was committing the 
dreadful crime of robbering and murdering. At last they were 
made the prisoners. 

In such a primitive age we had a very cruel law as elsewhere 
in the world at the time. Goemon and his little boy were to be 
boiled to death in a large pot. When Goemon was put in the 
boiling water of the pot, he raised up his little boy above the water 
until he corrupted and died in the pot. We Japanese have this 
drama on the stage, and notwithstanding how wicked Goemon 
was, we always worship him as the good specimen of the paternal 
love. In our history, there are hundreds case in which parents 



234 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

is climbing up the Cross of Rock, while her sister 
was washed away by the waves, simply because the 
former had faith while the latter had not). That 
is a very good example of the fure religion. 

Therefore, no matter whether we believe in some 
religion or not, and whichever races we are, we, all 
the human beings upon this world, should be mutual 
to perform the pure ethic and try to keep the 
euphony to each other. This is the reason why I 
talk about this question freely in this country, not- 
withstanding I am only a stranger to you. For my 
own conscience and my love and my deep sympathy 
toward you all do not allow me any hesitation to 
speak about the diilerence of the races and religions. 

St. Paul wrote a most sincere letter about this 

and children or husbands and wives have shared the punishment 
together, and it was carried on the rehgious account too. The 
tradition says some fihal son was sent to the Paradise after his 
death. He was eagerly searching his own mother there. But he 
was told that his mother was so wicked and therefore she was sent 
to the Hell. He preferred the Hell with his mother than to stay in 
the Paradise alone, and he went into the hell. Such is the ordinary 
Japanese idea. To my childish mind, " The Rock of Ages " was 
simply shocking. I believe it was not only myself alone, but there 
were many Japanese who shrugged their shoulders about this 
parable. I believe this spirit makes us so patriotic. 

Perhaps there may be some missionaries among the readers of 
this book and they may be intending to work in Japan, Therefore 
I write this foot-note for them. Japan is the free country of 
religion. You may go there to preach the Christianity if you like. 
But you must know their nature and prepare yourselves how to 
preach them. Or else you shall have no fruit on your work. 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 235 

ethic in twelfth and thirteenth chapters of the First 
Corinthians. Especially note the second verse of 
the thirteenth chapter : " And though I have all 
faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have 
not charity^ I am nothing,''^ 

Confucius and Mencius always talked about the 
same subject. I have already quoted the words of 
Mencius in the preceding chapter in this book. By 
the way, these two ancient Chinese philosophers 
were only high-ethical men. They never went into 
the religions. Once Confucius was asked by one of 
his pupils : 

" Master, may I hear about the Heaven (or the 
Future Life) ? ''' 

Confucius said, " Have you ever perfectly per- 
formed your duties in this life ? " 

The pupil answered, " Not yet." 

" Then," Confucius said, " don't ask me about 
the future ; we all need not know it yet." 

Indeed, if we try our best at the most precious 
moment called " present," all our " past " should 
be good, and why should we worry about our 
" future " ? This is the principle of my philosophy, 
and I apply this philosophy upon our mutual ethic 
every day. 

Now then, let me proceed to the religion, espe- 
cially the Christianity, which has been the greatest 
question upon my mind for all my life. I sincerely 



236 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

hate to discuss the religion with nothing but the 
dried-up logic. For, as I said before, the faith in 
religion is absolutely individuaL Each individual 
gets this faith from his innermost heart for the sake 
of his own " peace." Therefore it could not be 
easily altered by the others' logic. Not only that, 
but most occasionally one's feeling gets hurt by dis- 
cussing about this faith. If you strike the ice with 
a hammer, you may easily make it into fine powders, 
but you cannot melt the ice unless you put it on 
the fire. Now the logic is the hammer, and the 
faith and sympathy is the fire. What is the use to 
break down the human hearts into powder with the 
hard, hammer-like logics then ? Only the way for 
us is to be melted comfortably by the warmest faith, 
sympathy, and sincerity. And what I am going to 
write about with my sincerity is my twenty years' 
impression upon the Christianity. Most readers 
may be shocked if I confess you that, unfortunately, 
I could not become a Christian, after all. For I am 
keeping myself most sincere to my conscience, which 
forbids me to call myself a Christian ! I may be 
able to deceive my neighbours if I want to, but I 
cannot deceive my own conscience. Therefore, if 
you don't want to read the following chapters, 
please don't. I beg you to shut the book now. I 
am writing the following chapters only for those 
who want to read them. 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 237 

I AM Ethical, but not Religious 

It is such a long, long time since the Christianity 
invaded into Europe. Your father, grandfather, 
great-grandfather and further remote ancestors 
have been the Christians, and you are born amid 
such a pure Christian country, therefore your brains, 
your heart, your flesh and bones are entirely satu- 
rated into the Christianity. In fact, the Chris- 
tianity is your undeniable instinct, and every word 
that the Bible says comes to your mind very natu- 
rally, whatever it may be, and you are worshipping 
it without any question. And I know your con- 
science would prohibit you to doubt the Bible. At 
least, you feel a great sinner to discuss about the 
words of the Bible. 

To me it is different thing altogether. As I said 
in the former chapter, I have never seen or heard 
of the Bible until I went to that American Mission- 
ary School. The Bible to me is no more than Byron 
to you. You cannot stop me putting many " why's " 
to every page of the Bible. For it seems to me so 
many unnatural, illogical, and impossible things are 
written in it — especially about the salvation of our 
soul by the blood of " Emmanuel " and his resur- 
rection, etc. etc. 

Suppose you go to a Japanese restaurant, you 
would not touch any dish until you asked the waiter 



238 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

what was cooked in it, and even if it is quite whole- 
some food you may often upset yourself, while we 
Japanese are only delighted to eat many of those 
dishes for the pleasure as well as the nourishment. 
I myself had a bad indigestion when I had a Euro- 
pean dinner for the very first time. It is bad enough 
to get indigestion through the different diet. But 
it is far more serious matter if one gets indigestion 
in his conscience through the incomprehensible re- 
ligion ! This was my case with the Christianity. 

First of all, I have been most carefully observing 
the Christian life in the Christian countries for last 
eighteen years. Whoever of you are directly and 
really practising every word of " the Sermon on the 
Mountain " ? I have noticed you are modifying 
the words of Christ conveniently to yourselves, and 
I quite agree with you. But such a method is just 
like the stage " buildings." You cannot live per- 
manently in the buildings made for the stage. They 
will be easily cracked ! 

The sincerest humans ought to live in *' the Castle 
built on the Rocks." What is the " Castle on the 
Rock " ? My own " Castle on the Rock " is my 
sincerity to my own conscience. If my conscience 
could not believe anything, I could not pretend my- 
self to stick to it. Let the whole world be opposed 
against me, I have no fear as long as I don't oppose 
against my own conscience. Why should I be afraid 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 239 

of the Bible, then ? I rather go to the " hell " as 
a sincere human than to go to the " heaven " as an 
insincere hypocrite. For this reason I cannot be- 
long to any religion. " Peace " in my heart is 
founded entirely upon my own philosophy. 

Once or twice I visited a church of some certain 
sect. There I heard the preachings. The clergy- 
man was trying hard to explain all those super- 
stitious words in the Bible in a " scientific " way, 
saying that those " miracles " were merely alle- 
gorical ! I was rather amused and curious about his 
cleverness. But there are many of this sort of man 
in Japan, too. 

For instance, the ancient Chinese history says, 
" The last part of Shinno dynasty was in a great 
disorder. The columns of the heaven were cor- 
rupted and the corners of the earth were torn away. 
Joka, the great king, kneaded the stones in five 
colours (red, blue, yellow, black, and white) and 
mended the columns of the heaven. And he cut 
off the feet of the great Tortoise (on whose back the 
earth is situate). Then the whole nation enjoyed 
the peace." 

Some scholars believe this meant there was a great 
earthquake, but the virtue of the great King con- 
quered over that catastrophe, and " more advanced " 
scholars give such a conveniently wonderful explana- 
tion about this. They say, " the columns of the 



240 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

heaven " means the moral, and " the corners of the 
earth " means the social life. That period was very 
immoral and wicked, therefore Joka established the 
higher ethic. " The stones of five colours " mean 
*' Charity, Duty, Etiquette, Wisdom, and Sin- 
cerity," and to " cut off the feet of that great tor- 
toise " means to execute all the wicked people who 
disturb the social life. And those scholars are tres 
content with their own definition. However, they 
seem to me too much forced analogy after all. 
There is not enough sincerity. It must be remem- 
bered that in the high ancient ages those primitive 
humans everywhere in the world were very much 
superstitious owing to the lack of their scientific 
knowledge. Surely everything must have seemed to 
them exactly as they have written in their own re- 
cord. And I must admit that they did that with 
their utmost sincerity. For instance, look at St. 
Paul's letters in the New Testament. Who could 
suspect his sincerity ? Especially such as thirteenth 
chapter of the First Corinthians or fourteenth chap- 
ter of the Romans would make one tremble if he is 
not as sincere as St. Paul himself. But with this 
wonderful sincerity he has written many things 
which are absolutely impossible. St. Paul was a 
primitive human at any rate, and he himself was 
happy enough in his superstitious faith. Therefore 
I can say this much — although^I cannot believe in 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 241 

Christ as " the Son of God," I have full faith in 
the two Testaments that every word was written 
with the sincerity of some human beings. Only the 
human beings have much emotion, which is so 
movable, and we cannot expect it to be as accurate 
as some scientific machine. This is not only for 
those primitive ages, but even at the present time 
many unreliable accounts are happening every day. 

For instance, I have full confidence upon my per- 
sonal friends here. But very occasionally they make 
some astonishing rumour of myself. I trust them 
as the sincerest persons, and they would not tell lies. 
Why, then, they are making such utterly false 
rumours about me ? All because they have movable 
emiotions. Those who are too fond of me add a few 
more flattering words than what I have really done, 
while those who don't care of me talk about me less 
than I am. And when this account is handed from 
one to another for several times it may become an 
extraordinary tale in the end, though every one of 
them are quite sincere. I believe almost all the 
human histories are full of these events, and espe- 
cially so in the religious books, for religion makes 
the human delusions easier than the other matters. 

Mencius said, two thousand years ago, that " if 
you believe everything in the books you would be 
better not to read the books at all." We must ask 
to our consciences how much to believe and how 



242 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

much to reject in the books, even in the " Holy 
Bible." 

How I Recognized the Religions 

However, I must say that I have found out how 
great benefit and advantage the Bible has given to 
people, especially to those weak ones who so easily 
get into delusion. It is the human nature (it has 
been more so in those primitive ages) that when one 
finds out his own faults (or " sins," as the Christians 
term it), he begins to feel that he should have to 
pay the penalty. This was very well expressed in 
that famous Japanese drama called Tngiri, by Chika- 
matsu. In this drama a prodigal son called Izacmon 
said, " If we travelled one hundred miles away we 
must walk back hundred miles again to come home. 
And now I shall have to pay the penalty as many 
times as I have committed sins, or else I cannot be 
entitled to see my dear parents." 

How very natural and very human are these 
words ! When one " repents his sins " he would 
always feel in this way, and there are so many who 
easily get into the delusion. They are feeling that 
their lives are too much stained to get back into any 
noble work again. These people often give up their 
life in their desperation, while some braver heroes 
would unnecessarily torture their own life for the 
sake to get back into the purer life. This sort of 



E7HIC AND RELIGION 243 

trouble and worrying is only an awkward handicap 
to the beautiful heart after its own repentance. In- 
deed, there have been, or there are always, many 
people with the heavy " burden " on their con- 
science. To cure these poor hearts, the Bible has 
given many splendid parables such as " the Prodigal 
Son," " the Lost Sheep," " the Thief on the Cross," 
etc. etc. And the true Christians are much com- 
forted by these clever parables and their " burdens " 
are immediately taken off whenever they read the 
Bible, and they can do splendid works in this world 
with their lightest hearts ! 

But it must be remembered that Buddha said the 
same thing too. Those Brahmins thought that they 
should suffer themselves to pay the penalty of their 
own " sin." They used to torture their own bodies 
terribly to get " peace " in their hearts. Where- 
upon, Buddha has given a great release to them with 
this simple word, " Soksin Jobutsu," or " Repent- 
ance itself is your salvation." 

After all, the religion is just like the chloroform. 
When you are to undergo a severe operation, you 
shall have to be chloroformed in order to avoid that 
pain. Indeed, this world gives so much pain to the 
human life and many need something to forget the 
pain. To forget these pains they have their faith 
in the religion. It is splendid. But I often hear the 
doctors object to give chloroform to some people 



244 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

whose physique does not suit to be chloroformed. 
He is to be operated without it then, notwithstand- 
ing the pain. 

I must say that the chloroform called religion does 
not suit my conscience ; therefore I shall have to go 
through all my life in this world without it, even if 
I suffer more than those religious people. I cannot 
be intoxicated with any religion. I am always quite 
sober and ready to persevere any pain with the full 
sense. 

Contrast betv^een East and West 

What a great contrast is between East and West ! 
Especially about the policy and religion. In the 
West the political opinions are quite democratic and 
radical, while the religion is extraordinarily auto- 
cratic. Every one is criticizing their own king and 
emperor. But most of them dare not criticize 
Christ ! In Japan it is absolutely reverse. We 
always criticize all the religions. To our Japanese 
idea, Christ or Buddha are no more than our 
friends. Ask any orthodox Buddhist in Japan about 
Buddha. He would answer you, " I am a human 
and so was Buddha ! " But who would dare criticize 
the Mikado in Japan ? If there were any, he must 
be a lunatic or an extraordinary exception. Our 
loyalty to the Mikado is just as much as the Chris- 
tian faith to Christ of Nazareth ! Indeed, it is the 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 245 

sacred faith we have toward our Mikado. But you 
cannot argue our faith in Mikado with your dried- 
up logic, as I said before about your own Chris- 
tianity ! 

" Faith " does not always coincide with the logic. 
Nay, it is the faith which gives your heart satisfac- 
tion where the logic fails or even contradicts. There- 
fore those primitive savages always brought every 
question into " faith " directly, without using their 
brains in the sciences. To them, everything was 
" God's will " — even such as the eclipse of the sun 
and moon ! Then so-called civilization has come 
into this world and the better-brained people have 
been leading the rest of humans with their sciences, 
which have brought many a superstitious and sus- 
picious question into the light. But even now, when 
the sciences fail to analyse some doubtful questions, 
people always bring them to " God's will." There- 
fore I say, the more we are civilized, the further 
away God goes ! By the way, however we are 
" civilized " you may say, we are not far away from 
the primitive savages or even from the wild animals, 
as long as we feel the necessity of war. The primi- 
tives undoubtedly believed the duel or war as the 
best decision to find out " God's will," and they 
sharpened their swords immediately instead of dis- 
cussing the matter with words. How much damage 
that superstition has given to this world ! Open 



246 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

your histories and see, and ask your sincere con- 
science about it ! 

To-day in Japan the law governs the rehgions. I 
am very proud of it. On the other hand, I must 
say loyalty to Mikado is itself our religion and our 
faith, which gives all the real happiness to the 
nation. For this happiness, the logic is almost 
ignored ! However, it is what we call " refined 
manner." 

Now let me give you an instance of the Japanese 
faith in Mikado. Some 800 years ago there was a 
great philosopher called Saigyo. He was almost an 
anarchist. He had shaken off all the human honours. 
All that he wanted were one cloth and one cane. 
(How strange it should be coincided with the idea 
of Christ.) And he had pilgrimage all over the 
country. Wherever he went, he always made a 
poetry and left it in the place. The Shogun in- 
vited Saigyo to his most luxurious palace and pre- 
sented him a beautiful silver cat executed by the 
greatest artist at the time. Saigyo received it and 
came out to the palace gate where some children 
were playing. Those youngsters asked him to give 
them that silver cat. He immediately gave it to the 
children, only to the disheartening amazement of 
the Shogun, who was watching him from the 
palace. Such was Saigyo's life. But when he had 
pilgrimage to the sacred Temple of Ise, where the 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 247 

Mikado's ancestor was worshipped, he bowed down 
on the ground far away from the sacred gate and ex- 
pressed his emotion in the thirty-one syllable poetry : 

Nanigoto no owashimasu-kawa 
Shirane domo, Katajike-nasa-ni 
Namida koboruru. 
Translation : 

Whatsoever may honourably be existing inside, 

I know not, 
But my tears flow out freely for my emotion 
Which I cannot control. 

I myself, too, cannot control my emotion, and 
when I read this poetry three times my eyes get 
quite wet. This is not my superstition or delusion. 
It is my love toward the Mikado and our country. 

Once some Englishman asked me, " Is your 
Mikado a clever fellow ? " My heart was aston- 
ished with his vulgarity. I could not answer him, 
so I showed him my back immediately. Of course 
we, all the Japanese, have enough scientific know- 
ledge, but it is our etiquette, our honour, and our 
faith to look upon the Mikado as divine, and we 
should reject and expulse such a vulgar question. 

It is true what Confucius said, " If one lacks the 
etiquette he is nearer to the wild beast than to the 
human." St. Paul, too, said, " Charity vaunteth 
not itself, is not puffed up." Indeed, that crime to 
offend one's faith in a vulgar manner equals to the 



248 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

crime of talking the sexual impropriety to the inno- 
cent children. 

Therefore, as long as I am in England, I dare not 
try to oppose against her national religion. When- 
ever I go to Westminster Abbey or St. Paul I always 
show my utmost respectfulness, because they are the 
places where the nations are worshipping their God. 
I don't feel I am committing hypocrisy by that, 
although I am not a Christian, because I am paying 
my hearty etiquette to the Great Britain. On the 
other hand, if you go to Japan, I expect you to pay 
your etiquette to my country and respect what we 
respect and worship. 

Look at those vulgar and savage anarchists (and 
some of socialists too) of to-day ! They are insult- 
ing all the religions and rulers in most disgusting 
way. Suppose even if their reasonings were not 
wrong, how could we allow them to behave them- 
selves like the wild beasts ? And how could they 
succeed in that way ? 

The human knowledge and wisdom is growing 
every day and we are discovering more and more of 
real truth which has been buried deeply in the super- 
stitions in our ancestors' days. No doubt all those 
primitive customs should die out day by day. We 
are proceeding towards light. However, it is the 
great crime to snatch away the happiness of each 
nation by attacking their jaith with a hard ham- 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 249 

mer. Let us only melt our hearts with warmest 
sympathy. 

The Instinct of the Anglo-Saxons 

What I have been impressed most with the 
Britons is their simple and sincere nature ! Talking 
in average, they don't lie or deceive as some other 
nations — (especially the Orientals). I think it is 
fairer to call it the Anglo-Saxon nature, as I want 
to include the Americans too. 

For in spite of that terribly " anti-Jap " feeling 
in America (especially in California) I had quite 
pleasant and comfortable experiences there. It was 
fact that they threw the stones and spat on me. 
But whenever I went to shopping they charged me 
the same price with their own country-fellows and 
they would not tell me lies as freely as some other 
races. Why is that ? 

Some Englishman said to me, " Because we are 
Christians. Your philosophy may be excellent, but 
it has no power to convert your nation into the sheer 
honesty. Look at those terrible Japanese mer- 
chants ! You need the Christianity in your country 
very urgently." 

I could not oppose him at the moment, yet I 
could not accept his argument immediately. In- 
deed, it has been my greatest question for a long 
time until I have visited on the Continent. 



250 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Since these three or four years I have frequented 
my tour to some other countries on the Continent 
and I found out some of them were teUing Hes and 
deceiving no less than the Orientals, in spite of their 
being " earnest Christians." I have come to the de- 
cisive conclusion that the honesty of the Anglo- 
Saxon race is not the merit of the Christianity, but 
it is the merit of their own race itself. 

Indeed, I have many most trustworthy English 
friends who deny the Christianity too. I think the 
religion is just like the fishes. Those fishes which 
live in dark water have dark colour, and those which 
live in the clear shallow water have light colours. 
Surely the Christianity in England is entirely Angli- 
cized. Suppose if the Christianity had not invaded 
into England, and suppose the Buddhism or any 
other religion had been in England for all these long 
ages, I feel quite confident that the Britons' simple- 
ness, sincerity, and honesty would remain exactly 
same as to-day. What is the Anglo-Saxon's nature 
like ? I must say it is like a white paper, while some 
other nations' natures are tinted papers. I mean 
some nations have some special gift by birth. For 
instance, look at the French people. They have the 
special gift of art. When I was in Paris I was simply 
amazed to watch a quite common maid-servant 
making her own hats or dresses. They knew exactly 
what style would suit to their own types. And look 



ETHIC AND RELIGION 251 

at some negroes, they seem to understand all the 
musical tunes without any training. And some 
Orientals are wonderful to create most unimaginable 
lies ! Certainly the Anglo-Saxons have none of those 
gifts. The tinted papers or the special gifts have a 
great advantage in one way, but at the same time 
a great disadvantage in other ways. Suppose you 
wanted to produce red colour on red paper, you 
have no trouble at all ; but if you wanted the oppo- 
site colour — say, green colour on the red paper ! — 
It would be absolutely hopeless. Therefore there 
could be nothing better than white paper which will 
produce any colour most satisfactorily. To talk 
quite plainly, the Anglo-Saxons would be absolutely 
fool if they neglected their education, for they have 
no special gifts, but they can be trained in any way 
in perfection. I think this is the reason why the 
Anglo-Saxons are leading the civilization in this 
world now. Then again, as I said before, some 
tinted papers would simply eject their opposite 
colours, while the white paper accepts any colour. 
This is the reason why the Britons are so cosmo- 
politan, and all the strangers always find England 
perfectly homely. 



CHAPTER XX 
SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 

T^HE modern Occidental civilization is scientific^ 
and the ancient Oriental civilization was that 
of human sense. Indeed, the Occidental civilization 
is getting very high ; but it is just like the Eiffel 
Tower — the stairs and elevators are kindly fixed to 
it. Any one. can go to the top by the means o£ the 
stairs and elevators, which I call sciences. Let me 
talk about the Art. If you go to the Western art 
schools they will teach you the perspective, anatomy, 
botany, natural history, etc., and they teach you 
how to measure the subject you want to draw, and 
how to mix the paint to get the right colours. It is 
even more scientific in those other branches of 
schooling, such as architecture, engineering, etc. I 
call this " The Scientific Training." 

The ancient Oriental civilization was different. 
It was something like a high mountain which has 
many steep precipices, and its top is above the 
clouds. Only the genius could climb up to the top. 
Hark, what the ancient Japanese masters used to tell 
their pupils ! 

252 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 253 

'' Don't imitate my art. Don't watch my hand 
or brush. Only feel what I am feeling. Communi- 
cate your spirits directly to the nature and find out 
everything yourselves. Judge your art with your 
own eyes and judge your music with your ears." 

This is what I call the training of the human senses. 

The scientific training is to find out the law of 
Nature and follow it, while the training of the 
Human Senses is the judgment by the Human 
Senses through their experiences. In those days, 
when the sciences were very poor, or practically 
not at all in China or in Japan, philosophies 
especially hated anything so-called " scientific," for 
they feared those poor " sciences " would make the 
human senses shallower. Instead of studying the 
rhetoric to enable themselves to express all their 
higher psychology, they refused to put their deep 
thoughts into the words for fear that the words 
might check the imagination of their auditors to a 
certain limitation, according to what vocabularies 
their auditors had in their heads ! They always said 
for anything and everything, " Ishin denshin," or, 
'' Only heart communicates to heart." In this way 
they allowed their hearts to communicate to an ex- 
traordinary extent. 

Here I give you an example. Once upon a time 
there was a great Buddhist philosopher. He wanted 
to understand the Buddha's philosophy thoroughly. 



254 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

He decided to have a pilgrimage to Tibet, where he 
believed that he could see a great philosopher, the 
true follower of Buddha. He travelled inland of 
China. He suffered very much on this most difficult 
journey in those lonely, dangerous mountains for 
more than a year. At last he arrived to the boun- 
dary of the '' holy " country. It was only a few 
days' journey for him to reach to his long-desired 
destination. He was so tired and thirsty. It was a 
moonlight night, and he saw a beautiful silvery 
fountain at his own foot. He took up a handful of 
water and drank it. It gave him such a wonderfully 
fresh and sweet taste he had ever tasted. He 
was quite happy and slept on the rock near the 
*' heavenly " fountain. When he was awoken next 
morning he found out that " heavenly " fountain 
was no more than a filthy little pond where some 
dead birds and animals' bones were lying, and all 
sorts of dirty insects were swimming ! He gazed at 
it awhile with amazement, and suddenly decided to 
come back to his own home without visiting the 
holy place. His brother philosopher was awaiting 
him at home, and when they saw each other the 
former smiled at the latter and the latter gave a 
smile back to the former. They both thoroughly 
understood the Buddhist philosophy then. 

(Perhaps the readers may need my little explana- 
tion about this story. When that pilgrim-philoso- 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE zss 

pher saw the little pond he understood that this 
world was exactly same with it. The world itself 
is very dirty indeed, but only by your own point of 
view ; it may look beautiful to you, and your own 
point of view would make yourself be happy. As he 
had understood this world in that way, he need not 
trouble himself for going any further. His brother 
philosopher seeing him come back, smiled, and 
understood that real human philosophy was not the 
thing to go elsewhere to find out, for it was in each 
individual's heart. Thus, they used to get the 
knowledge entirely by feeling each other's meaning.) 

An ancient Chinese philosopher, Bayen, said, 
" Suppose you tried to paint a goose and you made 
it like a duck, it is not quite bad. But if you tried 
to paint a tiger and made it like a dog, it is worth 
nothing." 

By this he meant, if you learn things systematic- 
ally and scientifically you can get something very 
near, if you do not quite succeed. But if you learn 
things by the human senses only, you may easily get 
most hopeless result. 

The scientific training is surer, even if you cannot 
quite succeed with it, but the judgment by the 
human senses alone is very dangerous indeed. 

Those rare first-class brains which produce the 
picture of goose as the real goose and that of tiger 
as the real tiger, shall become the genius wherever 



256 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

they live and whenever they are born. However, 
we cannot expect the whole population in the world 
as geniuses. It is unfortunate enough to find far 
more second-class or even third-class brains in aver- 
age. Therefore we must always consider how to 
lead these inferior brains. The world is just like a 
whole squadron. Suppose there were a few boats 
which have 30-knot speed while the rest of them all 
had i8-knot speed. If those few superior boats 
made their full speed the others could not follow 
after them only to the disadvantage of both. It is 
the first-class brains' duty always to join to the 
second and third-class brains and guide them. Now 
then, the question comes in — whether the Sciences 
alone could lead the people satisfactorily into the 
real civilization or not. The logic says it should, or 
at least it ought to, when all the Sciences reach to 
the top. But until then, or even after then, we 
cannot throw away the training of the human senses 
after all. Just, for an example, look at those 
scientific instruments for the music, especially the 
pianola ! What a wonderful improvement of 
Science ! Such an ignorant man about the music 
like myself could not find the difference between the 
pianola and pianist ! But my musician friend shook 
his head and sighed deeply, " You say you cannot 
find the difference ? Ah, when the great masters 
put their fingers on the keys, there is some life 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 257 

in them and um . . . that horrid pianola is too 
mechanical, it is a dead thing altogether." 

That well-trained human sense of the musician's 
ears is only satisfied with the well-experienced human 
fingers and not yet with the scientific machine. Be- 
cause the latter is still too poor. But why should 
not the scientific machine reach to the point equal 
to the musician's fingers when it gets into perfec- 
tion some day ? However, in ancient time, we 
never expected it in Japan. We had a proverb, 
" Don't glue your bridge to your instrument." 
That meant you must find out the right tune with 
your own ears and fix to the right place each time. 
It was not only for the music alone. For another 
old proverb said, " On each occasion use your senses 
accordingly." Indeed, we used to ignore any 
scientific classifications or finding out the law of 
nature to follow after it. On the contrary we tried 
to judge everything with our own human senses, 
and in many cases it was more satisfactory. 

Now let us proceed one step further upon the 
Science. Suppose the Science reached to its per- 
fection, could we rely upon it entirely and throw 
away all the judgment of our human senses ? I 
must give my answer strongly in the negative. 
When I was in a poor lodging-house in Greenwich, 
my landlord ordered a frock-coat to some inferior 
tailor in the same quarter. The tailor brought the 



258 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

coat with him and he was trying it on my landlord. 
The latter called me into his room and said to me, 
" You see, Mr. Markino, what a nice coat my tailor 
can make ! And it is very cheap, too. You ought 
to ask him to make one for yourself." The tailor 
seemed very proud. I had just a glance on the back 
of my landlord. Immediately I noticed the differ- 
ence of the length on his shoulders. I said, " Your 
left shoulder seems about quarter of an inch wider 
than your right shoulder ! " 

The tailor changed his expression at once, and 
was excited in his vexation, " Sir, I have measured 
it carefully. It is impossible ! " Whereupon I 
snatched his foot-measure and put it on the shoul- 
ders. Lo ! just quarter of an inch difference was 
there. The English foot-measure is only too per- 
fect and the tailor trusted it too much. He had 
forgotten that he made mistake of his measuring 
and now . . . what a result he had got ! All be- 
cause he knew only that his foot-measure was 
scientifically perfect, that was all, and evidently he 
neglected to train the human sense of his eyes, 
therefore he could not find out his faults. 

This sort of disaster often happens among the too 
" scientific " nations. In the olden Japan or China, 
we had not such a perfect foot-measure like yours, 
but all those great masters as w^ell as the artisans 
used to judge the measuring by their own well- 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 259 

trained eyes, and how accurate it was ! It was far 
more reliable than your most perfect instrument 
when it is carelessly used by the people who have no 
training of their human senses at all. For this 
reason those ancient primitive people, or even the 
modern savages, often produce more perfect works 
than the so-called " scientific " Westerners. 

Now look at those Japanese or Chinese cooks ! 
They never use the cookery books as yours, which 
give you the measurement of sugar, salt, water, etc. 
etc., and the timing of the fire. But how most ex- 
cellently they cook ! Ask them how they cook. 
They would give you their own proverb as the 
answer, *' On each occasion use your sense accord- 
ingly." They taste everything while they are cook- 
ing and the judgment of their most experienced 
tongue is far above any scientific cookery book. 

I remember when I was working as a clerk at the 
Japanese Naval Office in London, some Japanese 
officers had a great discussion upon the English and 
French naval architecture. One of the most able 
officers said, " The French naval architecture is 
purely scientific, while that of English is practical 
one, therefore if you only have a glance upon their 
plans you would naturally incline to admire the 
French plan most. In France, some great scientifists 
are investigating every branch of science to make 
the warships scientifically ' perfect^'' and they hand 



26o WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

those boats to the sailors. OnW if all the sailors 
were as great scientifists as those who planned the 
boats, it would be simply marvellous. But remem- 
ber the sailors are usually those most ignorant and 
uneducated fisher-boys (in Japan). It would take 
ages to train them scientifically, perhaps it would be 
absolutely hopeless to make those boys scientifists. 
Then the boat won't act as it is expected after all. 

" On the other hand, look at the English war- 
ships. The English captains demand the scientifist 
to make the boat according to their desires after 
their long experience " (I call it the training of the 
human senses), " therefore the English plan may 
look not quite as nice as that of the French, but 
everything is easy to work for any ignorant sailor. 
It is far more practical after all." 

I am thankful that Japan ordered most of her 
warships from England, and it is needless to men- 
tion how splendidly they acted at our late war ! 

As I am an artist let me write about a few points 
in the relationship between Art and Science. Per- 
haps photography is one of the greatest triumphs of 
the Science. I have been asked by many whether 
the photography is useful to my art or not. I always 
answer them negatively. Certainly the photography 
has given great benefit to other knowledges, but not 
to the Art. 

About the differences between the photographical 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 261 

perspective and that of the human eyes, so many 
people have spoken, therefore I omit it here. 

Now let me talk about the movement of the 
horses' feet. In the photographs we often see most 
extraordinary and unimaginable pose of the feet of 
running horses. It is perfectly correct. At some 
moment their feet must have such pose, only it is 
invisible to our eyes, for such movement is too quick 
to catch. Only the photographic machine can catch 
that. We ought to be thankful for such scientific 
machine to search out what we cannot see with our 
own eyes. Therefore I say the photography has 
benefited us in some knowledges. But I often 
notice some artists of the inferior brains have drawn 
the people and horses in such shapes as the photo- 
graph shows you. Oh, what a great disaster to the 
Art ; I sincerely ask those artists, " Have you ever 
seen such shapes with your own eyes ? I must say 
your art has got into the delusion by photography." 
The sense of our eyes is not as sharp as the machine, 
while the movement of the horse's feet is by fits and 
starts. Therefore we can observe their position 
when they are in the slowest speed and that position 
only impresses our eyes, and that impression alone 
should be shown by the Art. My definition of the 
word " art " is " well-selected." Therefore to me 
it is not the real artist who follows after the result 
of the mechanical photography and shows the 



262 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

ugliest shapes, which the human eyes can never 
observe. Such pictures can be done for the illus- 
tration of some scientific books only. 

Now I have observed another disastrous delusion 
of some Western artists. They often go into the 
theory of perspective more " scientifically " than 
the reality. That is to say, they paint the objects 
out of the visible circle. The human eye cannot see 
more than 60 degrees, which I call " visible circle.'* 

In Fig. I, V is the vanishing point — , A and B the 
horizontal line. C is the " visible circle." Suppose 
there are many square plates. Those plates within 
the visible circle are in correct perspective. But see 
those out of the circle. Notice especially D, the 
farthest one from the circle. Its lateral line be- 
comes far longer than the reality is. 

In Fig. II, I show you the same effect on the 
subject above and below the visible circle. This is 
what I call the scientific theory, which represents 
the nature into falsehood. What a stupid idea some 
artist gets to try to paint what he cannot see unless 
he turns his head round, in which case the " plane " 
of his picture would be changed. I often notice 
this most foolish attempt on some pictures — 
especially of the inside of cathedrals or abbeys or 
other architectures. I am absolutely astonished to 
observe this sort of foolishness in such a scientifically 
civilized country like England. And especially when 



264 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

I saw several pictures of that kind of delusion in 
South Kensington Museum, the 'prize of the Great 
Britain^ I have lost my tongue to utter a single word! 

Indeed, some modern artists neglect their human 
senses, and are entirely intoxicated and victimized 
by the " scientific " delusion. No wonder why 
many art-lovers despise the modern art and wor- 
ship the old masters. In olden times, when those 
masters never thought of sciences, they used to 
paint pictures entirely from the training of their 
human senses. The art was more satisfactory then. 
It is the fact that the more scientifical training we 
get the more we lose the human senses. 

But, even to-day, we often esteem the human 
sense more than Science for many things. Hark 
what the golfers say ! " Keep your eye on the 
ball ! " Indeed, if you keep your eye on the ball 
your club hits just the right point of the ball. That 
is your human sense, which is far more accurate 
than any science. 

I have just started to learn billiard. To tell the 
truth, I know a little bit of the geometry. I often 
imagine and plan all sorts of angles scientifically. 
But to me, my own confidence, with the strong will 
to hit the balls, is far more successful than to fidget 
my brain v/ith my little science. If I have confi- 
dence my hands seem to work unconsciously parallel 
to science. This is the triumph of my human sense 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 265 

over the science. Have you ever noticed your 
human sense when you want to Hft up something ? 
Suppose there is a kettle, and you think the water 
is full in it ! Try to lift it up ; if it has less water 
than you thought, you feel it is too light ; or if it 
has full water and you thought it had no water, 
you feel it too heavy. But how comfortably you 
can lift it up when the water was just as much as 
you thought ! Only if you train this human sense 
of yours you may be able to do extraordinary things 
in the end. When I was a boy at home there was 
a poor grocery man in my village. He used to sell 
salts, sugar, beans, and rice without any measuring 
instrument, and he was very proud of the accuracy 
of his measuring. Sometimes those deformed 
people like the blind get this sense into extremity. 
And certainly, when the ancient primitives had so 
little science they had most wonderful Human Sense. 
In China they had the lunar calendar about 4000 
years ago. They believed the earth was flat and all 
the stars were moving round, but how accurate was 
their astronomical calculation ! And look at their 
arts and architectures. They judged everything 
with their most trained eyes. They simply avoided 
anything " ugly." By the way, the word " ugly " 
means some uncomfortable irritation upon the 
nerves of the eyes. If anything has the outlines 
which don't go smoothly with your retina it irritates 



266 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



your nerves and you call it '' ugly " and you hate it. 
The ancient primitives had wonderful sense about 
that, all through their own experiences. I am not 
entitled by any means to discuss about the ancient 
European civilization, for I have never studied 



B 





U 



M 



FIG. Ill 



about it, except the most primary books which I 
read at school. But as I beHeve that you might not 
be familiar with the ancient Oriental civilization, 
let me give you some examples from the ancient 
Greek and Roman architectures. Look at those 
large columns of those temples ! 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 267 

Instead of making it a straight cylinder or conical, 
like A or B, they made it like C, the top being much 
smaller than the bottom, and its outlines being 
convex instead of the straight line, because they 
found out by their experiences that A and B looked 
" ugly " (or irritating to the ocular nerves), while C 




FIG. IV 



looked beautiful (or comfortable to the ocular 
nerves). They knew if they made it like A or B 
it would look like A'' or B". I wonder (I am so 
ignorant of the Greek history) whether they knew 
the scientifical theory about it or not ! However, 
let me explain it to you : 

You see in Fig. IV how the column reflects on the 
retina of your eye. 



268 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



Only if the retina of your eye was flat like A B, 
the cylinder column will reflect on it quite straight, 
but as it is round its reflection will be like A in 
Fig. V, while the Greek column will reflect like B in 
Fig. V. 

It was for the same reason they made the wide 
steps on convex line instead of the straight hori- 
zontal, as the latter would reflect on our eyes as 
concave line. 




But, alas ! the Baroque builders made such a mess 
of their architecture. Evidently they were big fools. 
They had not that wonderful Greek Human Sense 
to judge the art. They only thought " curved 
lines " were more artistic than the straight lines, 
and they made every line curved without knowing 
how those beastly lines fidget our eyes. Therefore, 
the Baroques are simply eye-sore. Last time when 
we Vv^ent to Tivoli one of my John BuUess friends 
said to me, '' The Baroque is not quite so bad when 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 269 

it is as large as that " (pointing to a fountain in 
Villa d'Este). I quite agreed with her. The reason 
is that when it is so large those curved lines are 
parallel with the curve of our retina. Indeed, 
Science was very much needed for such fools like 
the Baroques, who had not the Human Sense 
enough. 





FIG. VI 



FIG. VII 



I always say, the merit of literature belongs to 
the Human Sense more than the Sciences. " I was 
watching him running away. He was gone . . . 
gone far away over that field beyond ! ... so far 
that he looked no larger than an ant." How much 
more impressive it is than to say, ^' He was gone 
so many metres azuay I " 



270 



WHEN I WAS A CHILD 



But even the literature, if it lacks the scientific 
knowledge, often gets into the hopeless delusion. 
There has been a great discussion about the size of 
the moon among the Japanese. Some one claimed 
that the diameter of the moon looked more than 
three feet to his eyes, while another said it looked 
less than three inches. They quarrelled for all their 
life and could not settle the question. How very 



FIG. VIII 



laughable was their discussion ! It is only the 
matter where you make your imaginative plane 
through which you look at the moon. 

In Fig. VI you are looking at the moon on the top 
of a far-distant hill. And suppose there is a tree 
which you know is three feet on the hill, the diameter 
of the moon looks about the same with the height 
of the tree. Therefore you may imagine the moon 
has the diameter of three feet. But if you go 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 271 

nearer to that tree, as Fig. VII, and compare it 
with the size of the moon, the latter would look 
much smaller. Fig. VIII shows the size of the moon 
differs at various places where you make the plane 
of your imaginary picture ; or take a nearer subject, 
and you see in Fig. IX if you make your imaginative 
plane at A B it would look twice smaller than if you 
make it at C D, which distance is twice further ! 



^ ^,^ 



FIG. IX 



Tatsuo Kumoi, a Japanese poet, said, " So-and-so 
mountain in my village is very high." Some one 
asked him, " How high is it ? " 

" Nearly six feet." 

" Nonsense." 

*' Yes ! " the poet shouted in his excitement. 
" The height of my window is six feet, and when I 
look at that mountain from my room its top nearly 
touches the top of my window." 



272 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

Some Japanese poets had far more advanced 
Human Sense than their brother artists. The 
former had such well-trained eyes, with which they 
observed the very accurate perspective phenomenon, 
although they were as ignorant of sciences as the 
artists. 

Dokan Ota, the famous poet-warrior of the six- 
teenth century, could not be satisfied with those 
paintings without perspective by the artists of his 
time. He himself has drawn a sketch of the correct 
perspective in his thirty-one-syllable poetry : 

Waga lo wa Matsu-bara toku 

Umi chikaku 
Fuji no Takane wo 
Nokiba nizo miru. 
Translation : 

My cottage is far away from the pine forest, 

And nearer to the sea ; 
The high summit of Fuji comes 
Just under the roof edge. 

But, after all, the poet himself could not paint with 
his brush such exquisite pictures as the Western 
artists make now. 

About the perspective, I have some story of my 
own father. When I got a book of the drawing 
lessons at my grammar school there was a drawing 
of a square box in the correct perspective. My 
father saw it and said, " What ? This box is surely 
not square, it seems to me very much crooked." 




THE PICTURE WHICH THE POET HAS DRAWN WITH HIS VERSES 







va -^ 




■■-■^Tas^ ti^ N ■ 'S'^' \ 



THE WOULD-BE PICTURE DRAWN BY THE 
JAPANESE ARTISTS IN i6tH CENTURY 



274 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

About nine years later he was looking at the same 
book and he called me and said, " How strange it 
is ! You know I used to think this square box 
looked crooked, but now I see this is perfectly 
right." 

This is because, when my father saw that draw- 
ing first time, he had no knowledge of the perspec- 
tive. Therefore it looked " crooked." But after- 
wards he had studied the perspective thoroughly, 
then that drawing with the correct perspective 
looked to him *' perfectly right." 

This example shows you that if one is ignorant 
of the law of nature, a quite correct thing looks to 
him quite wrong. That is why I say that you must 
have the scientific training, although it may make 
you feel disagreeable, and you must not rely upon 
only your Human Sense, which is very dangerous, 
as I said before. It is not only about the perspec- 
tive, I think it is especially so with religions and 
philosophy. If you stick to your own faith only, 
and don't apply scientific knowledge upon your 
faith to test it, you shall never be able to find out 
your delusion. Some religious preachers often say, 
" Never mind of anything, only have your faith in 
it." This is very dangerous. 

Indeed, they ought to have strong decision to 
shake off all their own delusions, or else even a so- 
called sacred religion would make you a superstitious 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 275 

fool. It is most undeniable fact that all the re- 
ligions have been leading the Human Sense into the 
delusion in many ways, although they have un- 
doubtedly benefited by much " grace " and 
" peace " many poor aching hearts ; you ought to 
be awakened from such delusion sooner or later, 
and get real grace and peace from the genuine Law 
of Nature. 

Of course, I know there are many second and 
third-class brains which cannot be awakened sud- 
denly. If we tell them the genuine truth, they will 
only lose their own " Faith " as well as their happi- 
ness. Therefore we need to be very patient and 
guide them gradually. We must give them some 
medicine little by little. We say in Japan, " If you 
take too much medicine at once it will kill you in- 
stead of curing you." 

Here, in London, fortune-telling seems quite 
fashionable. Now let me talk about them. 

And look at those palmistry and fortune-tellers in 
China. They have been believing in fortune-telling 
by " Yeki," and her history tells us that almost in 
every case that fortune-telling came out true. I 
quite believe it. It is only the matter of the human 
delusion. 

Now let me explain it. Our human brain has 
every function — good and bad and everything. 
Suppose one was told by the palmist that he shall 



276 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

become a great artist. Of course, there is the func- 
tion of art in his brain. Therefore, if he has full 
faith in the palmistry, and studies the art with all 
his energy, he may become a great artist in the end. 
Thus the weak human mind often gets a benefit 
through its own delusion. But this is exactly same 
with the case of the drug consumer. When the 
drug consumer gets unwell he takes more drugs to 
cure himself. He will be cured in that way for 
temporarily, but you know too well what result he 
shall have in the end. So if one was told by a for- 
tune-teller that he will commit murder in his life 
he may easily commit murder, and very often a 
weak-minded one would die at the age that his 
fortune-teller " prophesied " to die. That is simply 
his damnable delusion. I myself have witnessed an 
extraordinary case of this delusion. There was a 
peasant called Ishikawa near my village. Some one 
asked him to carry a parcel and said that some 
poisonous thing was in it. Ishikawa imagined it 
must be " urushi " (the varnish for the Japanese 
lacquer-work). While he was carrying it on his back 
it constantly touched to his shoulder. When he 
arrived home he found out the skin of his shoulder 
was poisoned in exactly the same effect of urushi 
poisoning. However, the contents was not urushi. 
It was not poisonous thing at all. Only his friend 
made joke. Here is another example. lyeyasu, the 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 277 

first Tokugawa Shogun, was a great diplomatist. 
He wanted a decisive battle, but he was afraid that 
his soldiers might not fight well. He pretended to 
ask " God's will " at the temple of Atsuta. After 
his long " prayer " he threw off many coins on the 
sand, and said, " If it is God's will to win this 
battle all the coins should have the ' head ' up." 
Every one of them had the " head " up, so his super- 
stitious soldiers had a decisive battle and conquered 
his enemy. In fact, that fox-like lyeyasu pasted 
each two coins together, having their both side 
" head." This is an example of how what I call 
the drug consumers were stimulated with more 
drugs. 

Toko Fujita gave quite a reverse example to that 
of lyeyasu. He was one of the greatest compatriots 
at the time of our civil war to make the new Japan. 
He opened that Chinese fortune-telling book 
" Yeki " before he was going to the war. The book 
said most pessimistic view, " There was no chance 
for him to conquer." All his soldiers turned pale. 
Fujita said, " What use to believe such a book ? It 
is the most urgent matter to us to fight for our 
sacred Emperor. We have no time to think of our 
own fate. We must go on all the same." The 
soldiers were much moved by his earnest and sin- 
cere speech. They did their best and they had a 
great triumph after all. This is an example of how 



278 WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

what I call the drug consumer was cured without 
drugs, or the delusion was transferred to the sound 
mind. 

When I was under ten there was a great fascina- 
tion in my village. It was called " Kokkri San." 
It was something like your table-turning. Three 
bamboo sticks were tied together in the middle and 
straight out like the feet of the canvas stool, and a 
tea-tray was put over it and we covered a large cloth 
over. And three people touched their fingers just 
above the feet. We had a short creed to repeat 
again and again. Then those feet began to move. 
In my childish mind I believed that a spirit of fox 
came in if we read the creed with " faith." When- 
ever I touched that Kokkri San it used to move 
freely. Later on, when I was in San Francisco, I 
recollected it, and tried it with my American friend. 
It never moved. All because I had had more 
scientific training by that time, and I had lost that 
superstitious faith altogether, therefore I could not 
concentrate all my nerves on it. This is an example 
that the delusion of the Human Sense was checked 
by the Science. 

The Human Senses may get into any delusion. 
It is the Science which keeps the Human Sense out 
of its delusion. It is just like the pergola of the 
vine, it always makes the vine to grow on the 
straight line. 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 279 

Even in such scientifically civilized country like 
Europe I often see some primitive savages too. They 
have absolutely no scientific training, and their 
Human Sense is little more than other animals' 
sense. Human Sense and scientific knowledge to- 
gether make one able to judge everything, and that 
power of judging is what I call wisdom. Therefore, 
if one lacks both scientific knowledge and Human 
Sense, I must call him a fool. These fools are 
making their stubborn stupidity as their backbone, 
with which only can they stand alive ! 

They often talk thus : " I don't like this art," 
" I hate that actor," " I can't bear that diploma- 
tist," '' Oh, you pagans," etc. etc. And if we ask 
them their own opinion and why, they have no 
opinion whatever ! They only judge, or to say 
more correctly, they only bubble over, everything 
with their stupidly fixed idea without any reason. 
And if we try to explain them the truth, they shake 
their heads negatively and put their fingers on their 
ears. They would never listen and they are keep- 
ing their foolish idea like a piece of broken bottle, 
as preciously as if it were a diamond. They are 
guarding their broken-bottle pieces with such dis- 
gusting pre-judgment, and suspicious that all their 
neighbours might come to rob them of their " dia- 
monds." They are exactly like a dog keeping his 
meat with his paws. If you go near him he will 



28o WHEN I WAS A CHILD 

bite you, your sincere kindness to him notwith- 
standing. How very tiresome it is indeed ! 

For the justice and for the truth we ought to be 
ready to Hsten and accept, even if it is spoken from 
the mouth of a six-year-old child ! But to do this, 
of course, we need our wisdom to judge whether it 
is genuine truth or not. And those poor wretched 
fools ! When they have no wisdom they cannot 
judge anything. 

That parable of " A Farmer and his Mare " is 
the best example of those inferior brains. If they 
listen to others' saying without the power of judging 
the truth you don't know where they might be car- 
ried away ! Poor creatures ! Perhaps it may be 
safer for them to stick to their own stubborn 
stupidity, otherwise they may cause some dangerous 
object against the public peace, especially if they 
get into the political circle ! And if those poor 
creatures get into " religion " they think any people 
outside their own " religion " must be devils. Oh, 
how often I have been annoyed by them. They 
want to persuade me into " Christianity " (quite 
against the idea of the real Christ), and their " ser- 
mons " are simply boring and torturing ! Although 
they lack entirely their wisdom, only if they 
have that beautiful conscience called sympathy and 
sincerity, I would not be so rude as to hurt their 
hearts. I would kneel down before them, but the 



SCIENCE AND HUMAN SENSE 281 

lack of sympathy as well as wisdom is no more than 
the broken bottle to me. 

Alas, there are too many pieces of broken bottles 
everywhere in this world. The leaders shall have 
to find out a safest place to tidy up these useless, 
if not injurious, broken bottles. Perhaps I shall 
write a book, " How to Keep the Broken Bottles," 
some day soon. 



PRINTED BY 
WILLIAM BKENDOM AND SON, 
PLYMOUTH 



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